I am finding myself wanting to leave my own home because of my father-in-law please give me advice?
5 months ago my husband and I took in my husbands father who is 94 years old. I had a lot of respect for him till he moved in with us. He is very demanding, cussed me out several times, and feels this is his house and the rooms are as well. He is totally different to me since he has moved in. I'm frustrated and this weekend got to the point of wanting to tell my husband to take his dad and both live in his fathers place. I don't want to tell my husband that because I love my husband but it has gotten worse before getting any better. I sit and cry all the time, actually have tears as I am writing this. Bottom line is it's about money.. my father-in-law has social security and my husband and I live on my husbands social security disability. Since my husband became disabled and can't work our credit is terrible. So my husband uses his fathers money to obtain a truck, bills that are needed in the house, etc. We made it fine before his father lived with us but now I feel it's become an excuse for my husband. The stress has gotten so bad for me when I go to the store I don't enjoy the idea of coming home and this is my home. Please give me suggestions! Thank you!
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Does your husband's disability hinder him from having your back or is he afraid of his dad?
Your FIL thinking every room in the house is his is not right! Surely, he does not think that of your bedroom!
Using FIL's funds is extremely risky if he ever needs Medicaid for they are going to see such use of money in their 5 year look back and penalize him for it.
The only problem I see in sending the boys packing back to dad's house is your financial dependence on your husband's disability checks. Those checks normally are not very much and I hardly see how one person much less two can live on them. Thus, your getting a job for money and for getting out of the house is your best move.
I would question if his dad may have some mental decline that is causing his odd behavior. There could be something going on with him. Dementia often reveals itself with patients being unreasonable, aggressive, selfish, immature and demanding. Does he have any memory issues too? I would consider checking with his doctor, if that is possible. Maybe, he needs an evaluation for his odd behavior and a physical too, to see what's wrong with him.
If there is no explanation for his poor behavior, then you or your may have to set him straight. It's your home and you have to have some boundaries, even if he is the FIL. Explain to your husband that you can only tolerate so much. Point out the money was sufficient before his dad moved in. Seniors are not likely to change though.
If FIL does have dementia, you might have to consider your options, because getting dementia patients to change and be a good roommate is not likely. Would you tolerate it if you knew it was due to brain damage?
Relying on FIL funds to pay for your husband's needs is risky. Do you have a signed a notorized caregiver contract, is FIL paying you for is care?
Sounds like there is lots of family dysfunction here. Do you work? If not, getting out of the house by getting a job may be your best (exit) strategy.