(((Tight HUG))) It is a very strange place to be in... Sorry she isnt here with you any more, I too have been caring for my mother for 10yr. After clearing her things out of her apartment it is becoming real. All those things I dreamt of doing dont seem so important anymore....all I see is an empty floor. Mine hasn't passed yet, but we have lived so long for them... who are we? The other answers are good up there..... take time to heal and strengthen.
Make a list of YOU things that were in the back of your mind but never had the time or energy to do. Put them in order of importance. Pick one thing every couple of weeks.
Get a new haircut. Go to the dentist. Have a medical checkup. Stop at the makeup counter in a good department store and let those girls do their thing on a free makeover. Walk in the park. Call an old friend from high school. Go to the library, check out a juicy novel and join one of the book clubs. Offer to read to the children's reading group. Go to the YMCA and see what interest you.
I am sorry for your loss. Ten years is such a long time to be strong. Keep your chin up and fill that void with positive and good things!
Hi Savannahsmile. I am very sorry for Your loss, and what an example You are to Me..since You cared for Your Mom for 10+ years. You have been a wonderful Daughter to Your Mom. I'm also single, with no Children, and I'm 55 years young. I have been caring for My Mum for these past 21/2 years. My Mother has Alzheimer's and is 86 years.I have asked Myself that question too, WHAT WILL I DO WHEN MOTHERs BATTLE WITH ALZHEIMER's IS ENDED ? I know there is a mourning period, and I find great comfort going for long walks by the coast, which is not far from where I live. It's a great way to de stress. After a time I will get back to work again, and try to bring normality back into My Life. I will get a dog, that way I will get in plenty walks daily. Give Yourself time Savannah to heal. Do not rush it, just take in plenty fresh air. After 10+ years x 24/7x365 You kneed a long vacation, and when You are ready, You will know what the next step is.
Grieving does take time, maybe you just need to vent, or maybe you want some pragmatic ideas.
Any time you have a change in your life is the best time to adopt new habits. Take steps towards normalcy, even if you have to force yourself.
You now have some free time, so spend a little more on yourself, walk 30 minutes in the AM, eat better, call old friends. Make a list of the things you never had time for and try to do a couple a week. Join something that will provide routine: scrapbooking class, book club, etc..
Most importantly, forgive yourself for the guilt over the relief you feel. Give yourself permission to be happy. You are important and your deserve happiness.
Oh, and Savannah, the most important thing about Coursera is they are all FREE classes! Some offer certificates at completion those require more work, but range in price from 50-100 dollars.
Savannah, you have come to the right place. Your new friends that you meet on here can help you through this. Some are going through what you are right now and have not only been wonderful, they have made changes for a new life. So sorry for your loss, and the empty void that is left afted mom's passing. You have made the first step by asking the question. See you on here again, tomorrow, or when you are ready.
Savannah, if you want to check out classes, look at Coursera. They are Massive Open Online Class so you do not get individual attention, but can participate in online discussions that have been fun and educational for me. And they have classes in nearly anything you can think of. However, I have not seen Underwater Basket Weaving yet. Old, bad joke.
Savannah, I'm sorry for your loss. It must be especially difficult after having cared for your mother for so long.
What would YOU like to do? What have you always wanted to, especially during the last 10 years, but couldn't do because of your caregiving responsibilities?
Do you want to ...travel? go back to work? do volunteer work? read? take up a new craft or hobby?
And what were you doing before becoming a caregiver? Perhaps you'd like to pick up where you left off.
So, Savannah. Thank you for your answers! I think I might pretend like I moved to a brand new town. So. What would I do there?
Well, first, I'd find a church I wanted to join. At your new church, volunteer for all the bake sales, rummage sales and spaghetti dinners. I'm assuming you have a job. If not, get one...at the least, part-time.
I assuming you're single. Buy a couple new outfits and explore area singles dances. If for no other reason than social and exercise. I met my partner of 15 years at a singles dance when I was 53. You have time.
Pick a hobby. Any hobby. Take some classes. I just got thru getting my concealed carry license. I'm 68 years old. It's never too late. I'll just share that I have COPD and have survived two cancers. Next Friday, we're going to line dancing classes with some neighbors.
Resurrect some girlfriends. We have a crew of four that go. Out the fourth Friday of every month to laugh our little butts off and make fools of ourselves.
Little by little by little. You are a young woman who's probably, as a caregiver, acting like an old woman. Buy some dancin' shoes! It's time to rock!
I'm sorry for your loss Savannahsmile. This must be a difficult time, but I'm really impressed to see your post. There are quite a few people around here who have gone through it too. They have some great suggestions. That pickleball has me intrigued.
Savannah, like you, I'm single with no children. My mom is still here, but I've worked very hard in the past year to create a better life for myself, understanding that when my mom goes, I'll feel pretty alone. I have a brother who lives in another state and he's been very little help with mom.
What I did was I found a physical sport I LOVE - pickleball. I play it as many days a week as I can. It lets me get exercise, be with other nice people, yell, and be competitive in a fun way. I've introduced a number of women to the sport and we all love it. Find some kind of physical activity you can do and enjoy. It would be better for you right now if it would be some kind of group activity, so you can be around others. Whether it's yoga or zumba or a spin class or pickleball, whatever you can do an enjoy is a great way to start!
Get active in some groups. I started my own women's group a year ago through MeetUpdotcom for women over 50 and I've met some wonderful women through that group. A number of us have parents we're caregiving for or have done that in the past. So try to find some women you can become active with. Just sharing your life with others can make you feel so much more connected and positive.
I also volunteer three hours a week at a non-profit and then I do some individual volunteer events through my group. Volunteering is a wonderful way to feel useful and to meet other very nice people. Feeling needed after being a caregiver stops is important to our sense of selves, I believe.
So start thinking about your personal caregiving plan for yourself and get started. It will take a while, but I guarantee if you get out and about with others, you'll start to feel better. Hugs and please come back and keep us posted on how you're doing. We understand!
Savannah, as said above, it does take time to grieve, I would try reaching out to friends and family, take some walks in the fresh air, and think about your next move. Are you intending to return to work, or are you working now? Perhaps taking some refresher courses this fall in Community College may help you to adjust to your new and Exciting Life! Remember, your life now is going to be what you make it, think of it like an adventure, wnd cut yourself some slack, your life has been enmeshed in caring for someone who you deeply loved, and she would only want the very best for you and your future, if it were me, I'd take a Rod Trip, alone or with a friend! You deserve it, remember that! Good Luck and God Bless
Savannah, I just finished caring for my mom with Alz after four years, in her home, 24/7/365. She has not passed, but a sib POA, decided that Mom would be better off in a facility and cheaper, HA! So, I am trying, a day at a time to get my life back. I have been looking for work which is hard, employers seem to think that the four years was bonbon eating and watching tv.
While I have sibs, I don't have sibs. They did not help, instead caused trouble at every opportunity. I am fortunate that I have three children and four grandbabies, which helps, but I don't want to become dependent on them for my life or entertainment. Find some things to do that you like to do. Even if it is going for walks by yourself. You have been through the trauma of losing a parent to this wretched disease, give yourself time to grieve and mourn. You will get a life back, it is just going to take time. Be patient with it. Rome was not built in a day.
Thanks MaggieMarshall. I'm an only child, mid 40's, no siblings or children. My mom was in a SNF for a few months (due to my own medical needs) before succumbing to Alz. Prior, mom lived in my home where I cared for her.
I am very sorry for your loss. And I also know you lost mom many years before she passed. A devastating disease.
We could probably use more information. Were you caring for her in your home or hers? Will you be moving because her home will be sold? Or inheriting it and staying put? How old are you? Any children? Were you taking care of her at home until she passed, or was she in a nursing home for a period of time? Any siblings?
If you can share more, you may get better replies.
Sorry she isnt here with you any more, I too have been caring for my mother for 10yr. After clearing her things out of her apartment it is becoming real. All those things I dreamt of doing dont seem so important anymore....all I see is an empty floor.
Mine hasn't passed yet, but we have lived so long for them... who are we?
The other answers are good up there..... take time to heal and strengthen.
Get a new haircut. Go to the dentist. Have a medical checkup. Stop at the makeup counter in a good department store and let those girls do their thing on a free makeover. Walk in the park. Call an old friend from high school. Go to the library, check out a juicy novel and join one of the book clubs. Offer to read to the children's reading group. Go to the YMCA and see what interest you.
I am sorry for your loss. Ten years is such a long time to be strong. Keep your chin up and fill that void with positive and good things!
https://www.agingcare.com/discussions/love-notes-from-caregivers-who-lost-someone-186973.htm
LOVE NOTES FROM CAREGIVERS WHO HAVE LOST SOMEONE.
How are you today? Give yourself time.
I'm also single, with no Children, and I'm 55 years young. I have been caring for My Mum for these past 21/2 years. My Mother has Alzheimer's and is 86 years.I have asked Myself that question too, WHAT WILL I DO WHEN MOTHERs
BATTLE WITH ALZHEIMER's IS ENDED ? I know there is a mourning period, and I find great comfort going for long walks by the coast, which is not far from where I live. It's a great way to de stress. After a time I will get back to work again, and try to bring normality back into My Life. I will get a dog, that way I will get in plenty walks daily. Give Yourself time Savannah to heal. Do not rush it, just take in plenty fresh air. After 10+ years x 24/7x365 You kneed a long vacation, and when You are ready, You will know what the next step is.
Any time you have a change in your life is the best time to adopt new habits.
Take steps towards normalcy, even if you have to force yourself.
You now have some free time, so spend a little more on yourself, walk 30 minutes in the AM, eat better, call old friends. Make a list of the things you never had time for and try to do a couple a week. Join something that will provide routine: scrapbooking class, book club, etc..
Most importantly, forgive yourself for the guilt over the relief you feel. Give yourself permission to be happy. You are important and your deserve happiness.
Best Wishes
L
So sorry for your loss, and the empty void that is left afted mom's passing. You have made the first step by asking the question. See you on here again, tomorrow, or when you are ready.
What would YOU like to do? What have you always wanted to, especially during the last 10 years, but couldn't do because of your caregiving responsibilities?
Do you want to ...travel? go back to work? do volunteer work? read? take up a new craft or hobby?
And what were you doing before becoming a caregiver? Perhaps you'd like to pick up where you left off.
Well, first, I'd find a church I wanted to join. At your new church, volunteer for all the bake sales, rummage sales and spaghetti dinners. I'm assuming you have a job. If not, get one...at the least, part-time.
I assuming you're single. Buy a couple new outfits and explore area singles dances. If for no other reason than social and exercise. I met my partner of 15 years at a singles dance when I was 53. You have time.
Pick a hobby. Any hobby. Take some classes. I just got thru getting my concealed carry license. I'm 68 years old. It's never too late. I'll just share that I have COPD and have survived two cancers. Next Friday, we're going to line dancing classes with some neighbors.
Resurrect some girlfriends. We have a crew of four that go. Out the fourth Friday of every month to laugh our little butts off and make fools of ourselves.
Little by little by little. You are a young woman who's probably, as a caregiver, acting like an old woman. Buy some dancin' shoes! It's time to rock!
What I did was I found a physical sport I LOVE - pickleball. I play it as many days a week as I can. It lets me get exercise, be with other nice people, yell, and be competitive in a fun way. I've introduced a number of women to the sport and we all love it. Find some kind of physical activity you can do and enjoy. It would be better for you right now if it would be some kind of group activity, so you can be around others. Whether it's yoga or zumba or a spin class or pickleball, whatever you can do an enjoy is a great way to start!
Get active in some groups. I started my own women's group a year ago through MeetUpdotcom for women over 50 and I've met some wonderful women through that group. A number of us have parents we're caregiving for or have done that in the past. So try to find some women you can become active with. Just sharing your life with others can make you feel so much more connected and positive.
I also volunteer three hours a week at a non-profit and then I do some individual volunteer events through my group. Volunteering is a wonderful way to feel useful and to meet other very nice people. Feeling needed after being a caregiver stops is important to our sense of selves, I believe.
So start thinking about your personal caregiving plan for yourself and get started. It will take a while, but I guarantee if you get out and about with others, you'll start to feel better. Hugs and please come back and keep us posted on how you're doing. We understand!
While I have sibs, I don't have sibs. They did not help, instead caused trouble at every opportunity. I am fortunate that I have three children and four grandbabies, which helps, but I don't want to become dependent on them for my life or entertainment. Find some things to do that you like to do. Even if it is going for walks by yourself. You have been through the trauma of losing a parent to this wretched disease, give yourself time to grieve and mourn. You will get a life back, it is just going to take time. Be patient with it. Rome was not built in a day.
I am very sorry for your loss. And I also know you lost mom many years before she passed. A devastating disease.
We could probably use more information. Were you caring for her in your home or hers? Will you be moving because her home will be sold? Or inheriting it and staying put? How old are you? Any children? Were you taking care of her at home until she passed, or was she in a nursing home for a period of time? Any siblings?
If you can share more, you may get better replies.