My FIL (89) is so weak he needs help with bathing and is incontinent. How do I help with as much dignity as possible?

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He is of very clear mind. How can I help him with getting off the toilet and bathing? He can only stand for a minute or two at a time. Please help me help him with as much dignity as possible.

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Have you investigated the possibility of one of the union suits with buttons in front for dressing and a "trap door" in the back for dirty business. I actually remember my Grandfather wearing these. They were short sleeved and not much longer than boxers. My Great-grandmother actually wore something similar. Modesty maintained and little to no undressing. Of course this is from the last century so may not be available today.
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Question on dignity: dad is 90 and cannot stand up and is in hospice. He is told to go in his diaper. He is embarrassed and humiliated each time his diaper is changed. He knows when he has to go #2 and begs staff to let him up. I realize he cannot stand up but is it out of the question to request staff use a bedpan?
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Perhaps your FIL won't lose dignity. My own late mother let me bathe her entire body and she was so happy to have it done! This is something she NEVER would have allowed previously.
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In the toileting area, u can use a commode over the toilet. You take off the back bar and slide the commode over the toilet. There is a slash guard that goes were the bucket usually does. Its like a bucket with the bottom cut out. A commode can be adjusted for height and FIL will have the arms to support himself. He will feel more secure since the commode legs will help.
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The abbreviations stand for father in law and dear husband.

To the above great advice, I'd also add that it doesn't hurt to have some relaxing music or TV on in the background. During my dad's morning sponge baths he is usually listening to his favorite NPR programs, and at night as we undress him and get him ready for bed we have a relaxing CD or YouTube selection playing. It makes it less awkward, I feel. Also, I have to say after a year of caregiving and taking care of my dad's needs in this way, neither my dad or myself are really embarrassed anymore. I don't think I was much embarrassed after the first few weeks. It helped that the rehab facility my father was at for his spinal cord injury trained family members in how to do various tasks, so we had a baseline of knowledge to work with. It would be great if you could get some sort of in-person assistance and help with how to take care of him, but YouTube also has several CNA instruction-type videos that are helpful on a lot of topics. Best of luck to you and your FIL.
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What is FIL? And DH?
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Eyerishlass covered everything that came to my mind and better than I would have been able to. The only things I might add are we all have different comfort levels with this both as patient and caregiver, you know your FIL and will have a good sense of his comfort level. Remember this is likely much harder for him then it is for you on so many levels having nothing to do with you personally so try to take your ques from him. As the caregiver I found it to be much easier to detach from the embarrassment then I thought. Always put yourself in his place as your helping him with these things and you will maintain his dignity because you start from the ideal place of having concern and awareness of it.

I would also stress, always start as support letting him do as much himself as he can or at least letting him try just don't let it go on too long if he isn't able to perform that task that day. You will not only be fine but a blessing to him through this time because you obviously start from the right place, the heart. Both he and your husband are very lucky to have you in their lives.
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If you're willing to help him, the rest will follow. Is he showing embarrassment? My father needed help his last day on earth and he was not embarrassed for me to see him.

Just don't gawk or laugh - ask him to wash his privates (this is what they do in hospital) and you take the back end where he cannot see. I even do this with my DH but in the shower I just do everything and move along from part to part.

As cwillie says, a lot of people can't do this part of caregiving - but I always told myself that it went in as food and comes out as processed food. I know - but you tell yourself whatever it takes to keep on keeping on. Really, what comes out is what the body doesn't want or need anymore. I remember telling this to my mother the first time she had to clean my dad. It's no worse than tending to a baby - only more and bigger, lol.

Bless you that you care enough to worry about his dignity.
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We cut towels and put velcro on one so he can be covered in front. The other is a wrap around to where i can assist getting him bath, pull shower curtain, undo velcro from behind curtain and hold him while he sits on bath chair.
Velcro is now my best friend for a caregiver.
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Eyerishlash gave a wonderful answer. Try to overcome any embarrassment you may feel because that will definitely show through. Keep him covered casually. If it would be helpful discuss it beforehand. That may be awkward but it could help. I was in this position with both my father and my father in law. Actually it was harder for my father than my father in law. Levity always helps. Choose words that are comfortable to both of you. Using text book words like penis may not be as comfortable to him as a more familiar word. I think it will go easier than you think. Each man is different and each situation is different. Showing love probably is the number one key to making it go easier.
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