Mom with alz/dementia living in my home is demanding to be taken home. Any advice? - AgingCare.com

Mom with alz/dementia living in my home is demanding to be taken home. Any advice?

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My husbands grandmother woke up every morning with stories about the family she had visited the night before. She was on the train and stopped all over the country visiting family, she had a big one, for about 2 weeks before she passed. They were very vivid descriptions and a really beautiful thing. My husbands dad who was her main caretaker would listen and laugh to the stories of her nightly trip.
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evergreen11, those with memory issues are living in a different dimension. Instead of it being 2017, it is 1930's or whatever date back when they were a child living with their parents and siblings. It took me a while to understand when my Mom [who was in long-term-care] asked to go home, that she meant her childhood home. Mom was 98 and said she couldn't wait to see her sisters and her Mom.

As others above suggested, be creative with your answers. But keep the answer as short as possible [a few words, nothing more] as those with memory issues cannot process a lot of information.
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I tell my grandma sometimes it's raining so she can't go home (her home doesn't really exist as she has lived with us for well over 30 years and then before that with my aunt and uncle so again wasn't really in some kind of place called home). I come up with all sorts of reasons and sometimes I simply say she is home. Sometimes I tell her it's too dark and I wouldn't want her to get hurt. Sometimes I tell her she's sick with a cold so I want to be able to watch her and make sure she's ok. When she had a broken finger I told her I wanted to help her with her pants since her finger hurt her. When the weather is bad, I tell her no one is leaving and everyone is in bed and she should get some sleep too as the weather is too bad to go outside. Sometimes I tell her she has no power at her house and luckily we have power. Sometimes like I said, I would just let her know she is home and we have just moved here and isn't it exciting that we have a new house to live in. Then I'd get her into bed and would treat her like a kid saying I understand this is a new home so sleeping by yourself is tough so I'll just sit here until you fall asleep. Normally within seconds she's sleeping so it worked. Now she sleeps through the night so I'm pretty lucky in that the discussion of going home is during the day not at night.

Just be creative, and find something that works. Sometimes what worked yesterday won't work today. Just find out what works and start from there.
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It's always hard when they demand something. It can feel a lot like bullying and makes life miserable if it happens too much. What I would do is say, "You are home," and maybe make up something about why another house is no longer available.

My mother will sometimes get in her demand mode in the wee hours of night. What I have to do then is to tell her to go back to bed. Sometimes it takes two or three times telling her and she might slam my door, but whatever she demands is not worth me getting out of bed. If she were asking to go home I would tell her to go back to bed and we'll talk about it in the morning.

It can be a lot like being a parent.
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At some point the person with Alzheimer's or dementia is too far gone to be reasoned with and all you can do is try to divert the conversation in another direction. Also, in their minds they may not even be asking about their most recent home, but about going back to their childhood home.
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Tomorrow.
With us it was always, "It's too late now, we'll take you tomorrow." It seemed to work.
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Not much advice here, but I can commiserate with you! Dad yelled at us half the night last night, wanting to go home, saying he could drive himself home (he can't, he gets lost), or demanding that we drive him home. All you can do is say no, tell them you're taking care of them, and try to make them feel safe. Maybe make her some tea and sit with her? Distractions sometimes work, but not always. We just had to endure it until he got exhausted and went back to bed, not unlike a toddler.
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