since I am the daughter. I originally posted this on an older forum and someone replied that I might need to post to a current discussion. I am just looking for others in my situation. My Dad is elderly and been having strokes and is now almost completely bed ridden. My mother was his caregiver at home, but now he is termporily in a nursing home as he recovers from an infrection from a bedsore. He is expected to be there for about 20 days. They moved close to me about 4 years ago and it has been a struggle since they moved here. I feel like I am always trying to establish boundaries with my mom --- I understand she is taking care of my dad and it's difficult for her, but she refuses to hire help and expects me to be his caregiver too. I am torn on what is the appropriate level of involvement --- I love my parents, but I am trying to balance my own life with their needs. My mom treats me like a child and makes me feel guilty for trying to live my own life. Now that he is in the nursing home she stays with him all day to feed him and does not want him to be alone. She expects me to 'relieve" her all day on Saturdays, half day on Sunday and then come there after work to feed him dinner so she can go home and rest. I do not have children and my husband died 4 years ago so she does not seem to respct the fact that I do have a ife -- I have a career, I am on a local Non-Profit Board, I have friends and I have started a new relationship. For others in similar situations I am curious how involved you are in caregiving of your parent? (My parents have resources to pay for help, but my mom does not want strangers taking care of my dad and is convinced as the daughtre it's my responsiblity to take care of my dad.
It's one thing if she's in panic mode. You may be able to reason with her, get staff at the nh to talk to her about letting them do their jobs.
But if this is a lifelong personality trait, you might find that you need some help in setting up boundaries. Most of us were well trained to say "yes ma'am " when our elders told us what to do. At this point, though, you need to protect your mental and physical health.
Talk to the social worker at the rehab/nh. They may be able to help.
I might also point out that the fact that dad developed a bedsore may be a wakeup call that dad neecs to be in a facility, longterm, for a higher level of care. Bedsores can happen anywhere, anytime, but when they do, you need to examine the care that is being given closely.