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He was proved wrong, but... I am 3rd of 3 sons. I started in home caring for my parents 10/2010, Mom's mind was very alert, it was her poor little body that finally broke down 02/2014. Dad has had dementia prior to me moving in. Mom called me for help as I lived 45 mins. away. I had been doing all finances, bills, bank, etc. Mom was an ex bank officer and everything was good. April this year, 2016, more than 2 years from Mom's passing. #2 wanted past bills and bank statements. Need to say this, I used their credit card for my personal purchases and would deposit whatever it was and sometimes even put extra in if needed, ALL Documented. #3 is executer and guardian while I'm caregiver and we get along great. Well #2 called for a meeting and accused me of actually stealing $ from Dad. He had a lot of proof, but left out deposits and added different household purchases to make it look bad. My brother, his wife and I proved him wrong. #3 took over the finances for me, which helps, but now #3 wants me to show purchases for home to him to show #2. To me this very tedious. Again, I am the in home caregiver of my 96 year old father w/ dementia. Somehow, I feel #3 has taken accountability/ responsibility to far and wants me to deposit $200. a month to help Dad out while they help $0.00. I'm the 24/7 caregiver and do not take a penny and he wants me to pay to live here while I am caregiver. Makes no sense. I will not quit taking care of our Dad, that I will not happen. He loves his backyard, the sky and glider while he sips his 'Merlot' wine. I do not want to be paid for taking care of my Dad, period, but it makes no sense for me to pay when other in home caregivers get paid $, not pay $ to be caregiver. Oh, I get a whopping $904. monthly from Social Security and am 63 years old. I had to vent, not trying to cry on your shoulders, but I am hurt and confused.

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Mom went to visit my sister half-way across the country and got sick while there. I am on Disability and pay rent to mom and rent checks then went to sis while I stayed in the house and took care of it, after being in the hospital myself. Sis accused me of having mom paying for my living. No idea where my rent checks (which were sent directly to her) went to and never received any accounting. Mom does remember sis and hubby joined a gym and got all new gym wear. Would guess much was on my dime.

Mom came home and I am primary care-giver, etc. except for a couple part-time aides to help mom shower, etc. in the morning.

I buy groc, clean, cook, drive, etc. and have very little time of my own, Sis made a big deal coming up for mom's birthday in 2015. I had not seen her in 10 years and her visit made me realize why I almost do not care. She and hubby stayed at a hotel and I had to make sure mom and house were ready for sis and hubby to pick up mom (and me) to go out to dinner (did not really care to go). She did not go out with them for anything other than dinner the whole time here. Maybe just sour grapes, but my money is not growing in the bank and their visit was fun while I worked behind the scenes again on my dime. Not much I can do and know mom has very little of inheritance other than her house - not worth too much these days.

If mom had to go to assisted living, no idea where the $ would come from. I don't want any back pay, just sis to realize the cost mentally and money wise I put into this. It is just not that easy to flash out a credit card to take care of things.
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So basically your brothers think you should pay your father $200 per month rent? For the privilege of living in his home as his 24/7 caregiver.

Yup, have to go with Rocknrobin on this one. Let them see if they can get 24/7 care for an elderly gentleman with Alzheimers Disease for -$200 per month.
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The sibs that do the least (or nothing at all) are always the ones with too many opinions. I don't believe the should get a vote
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I like your math Rocknrobin. Lets say Tex's sibs want to play hardball and insist that he doesn't put in 24 hours a day, even a 60 hour work week should net at least $1200. And they think he should be paying rent???
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Let's do a little math. Let's be general and generous and say in home care is $20. per hour. Times 24 hours is $480.per day. Times 31 days is $14,880..... so your brother by rights should pay you the above. Show him this information. Tell him to feel free to hire someone to take care of dad and then you will pay $200 per month to live there.
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Ube, you should and need to be paid for the caring you provide. Or figure out something else. I left my home state had been there 61 years. Very difficult. Want to go back but need to find work first.
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gladimhere, No, I'm not, $904 Social S. Monthly
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Ube, what will happen to you if dad has to be moved to a facility? Are you well enough financially set if something happened to him? That is part of caring for yourself.
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Glad youve gotten your own credit card.

Do your siblings have sny vlue what assisted living/ nursing homes cost? If you are caregiving your dad snd that is preserving his monetart resources, you should not be paying to stay there. Unless you are bring paid to do the work you are doing.
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I have gotten my on credit card and I don't want to be paid. I just don't feel I should pay anything. This is hard work taking care of Dad.
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I agree with Jessie, work to totally separate your finances from your father's. Guardian brother (did you mean financial POA?) should take over paying all household expenses from your father's accounts. You can continue keep your father's CC to use for his expenses, but big brother gets the statements and pays the bill. You should not - ever - have to deposit money into your father's account. If the money won't stretch that isn't your responsibility, you are already doing more than enough.
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BTW, spending your father's money or using his card, then reimbursing it is something to avoid. The paper trail is too messy. The same is true for buying something for your father, then reimbursing yourself. Messy. It is really necessary to keep the two of you separate so the money can be followed easily.
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I wouldn't waste my time or breath. If #3 has been guardian, it is his job to keep up on all these things. One thing I would do is to make sure I pay all my personal things from my own account and on my own charge card. It keeps things neat and clean that way. I pay only things for my mother from her money and on her card.

When I first moved here my mother thought it was a fine idea if I went to work and took care of them financially. I still laugh when I think of that. Let's see -- You want me to move in and care for you 24/7, be your maid and chauffeur, handle all your finances, cook your meals, shop for you, take care of everything but breathing an watching TV, and then get a job to support you as well. ROFLOL.

I don't get paid. I'm sure there are a lot of people who think I've got it made living here rent free. I don't let their thoughts bother me, because they have no idea. I don't feel I need to justify myself to people who are doing nothing to help.

Your brother's job as guardian means he's supposed to be tracking and reporting the money. Just keep your own money and expenses separate from your father's and let guardian brother handle what he should be.
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I have similar siblings I call them the twisted sisters. You should be paid by dad for the care you provide. Shop memory care facilities in your area to check prices. In my area they are $6,000.00 a month and higher. Why should you take the financial beating that you are?

Twisteds reported me to APS accusing me of financial exploitation. One of them had Mom's POA and KNEW there was no form of exploitation. Siblings that do not provide the care have no idea.

If sibs see the cost of facility living maybe they will start to understand better or maybe they won't. The court ordered POA to pay me two years of back pay at 2k a month. I had been caring for mom for three years at that point. Then in June sibs moved mom to a facility where she now pays 7k a month. Cheaper than at home? Twisteds are idiots.

Your sibs do not want to pay you because of the impact on their inheritance. At least that was my sibs reasons. Now they add to it two years worth of attorneys, a two day court hearing and 7k a month. There are many similar stories here.
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Something tells me tbat there ARE funds and yes, siblings are trying to preserve inhertance.
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I agree that you should be getting paid - but if that's not in the cards because of your fathers finances - then at the very least you should not be paying for anything in exchange for the caregiving work you do. Seems more often than not it is the sibling doing nothing and contributing nothing that cause the fuss - they are clueless as to what it takes to do this very hard job. If I were you I'd be tempted to draw up your own invoice - it will take a bit of time to research but will be worth it if it proves the point. List your "jobs" - cook, housekeeper, driver, landscaper etc and bill by the hour based on an industry pay average. Also have a few prices from near by Assisted Living facilities and what it would cost for your father to be there instead of at home with you - where he is happy. I often think these jacksss siblings are trying to preserve their inheritance at the caregiving siblings expense.
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Geez, I'd walk away in a hearbeat ( or at least tell your idiot siblings that you're going to). Do they have any idea what this going to cost dad if you leave, or die
( which is much more likely)?

You need to be paid as the caregiver. Period. End of story. Make an appointment with dad's attorney ( on dad's dime) and invite poa and other to come in for a chat. Have your bags packed. You are being used, big time!
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