My dad moved in with us 2.5 years ago. My sister told me not to take him in and I am finding that she was so very right. Now how do I get out of it without being the horrible daughter. He is 85 and going blind and deaf but still sharp mentally. He is also really selfish and cheap.
We both work full time. I am currently home sick with pneumonia from exhaustion and depressed from taking care of him. He needs to move to assisted living for him and for me (and my husband who is fed up). My siblings give limited help to none at all.

How do I get him to pay $4,000 a month for assisted living when he pays us $1,000 a month for assisted living at my house. He has the money for about 40 months aka the inheritance. I am the executor of his will but he controls all of his money and getting power of attorney from him would probably be impossible at this stage. He cannot live on his own anymore although I doubt he would believe it.

I love my father but just cannot take it anymore. He is wrecking my house and the life that I have built.

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My father would certainly have listened more to "the man of the house" than to his daughter. Maybe a serious man-to-man talk would get him to take steps. I always think you should start by being nice and trying to negotiate, and then when that doesn't work, you feel less guilty for getting tough with him. Good luck.
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Personally, I wouldn't stay anywhere I wasn't wanted. Maybe you need to have a talk with your dad and tell him that this current living arrangement isn't working out but here are his options (and then hand him a few pamphlets from nearby AL or NH facilities).

Terrim asked you to think of your dad standing at the curb in the rain next to the sheriff with all of his worldly possessions at hand.

Maybe it won't be raining! ;-)
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Give him some reasonable relocation options, set a time limit, and tell him the next step is the sheriff if he doesn't agree to one. It may scare him enough to make him choose one of the options.
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What a tricky situation. I don't think that you will be able to get him out without looking like the "bad" daughter. As a previous poster stated do you really care at this point. You have a right to have peace in your own home and you know what the truth is. From my experience his behavior is only going to get worse and you will eventually have to get him out of your home anyway. Do it now while you can still enjoy your life. Hugs.....
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There are options. First he may be able to
Get help in your home from programs.
Have you talked to aging services in your
Community, not always srs.
if he must go it might be cheaper to go
To an apartment and get services.
But two things say you
Are in charge of his estate....there is
No estate at this point. Next his
inheritance will be gone in 40 months?

Lastly...if a obudsmen gets involved...
You may have entered a level contract
"Providing assisted living for $1000 per
month" may in fact have no
Legal grounds for eviction....further
He could have a case against you.

Calm and cool heads need to work
Thru this situation.

I dare say a blind 85 year old man evicted by
The sherrif.......(on what grounds...he has been
paying, and the person throwing him out
Is taking care of the business.....don't think
The media would get all up in arms....after
All this would be a matter of public record.

Have you considered a few days of respite

I would urge going slow.
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Well, have you asked your husband to have a man to man talk with him? Your husband is the man of the house, right? A man's home is his castle , and all that rot. I think that is in order. It sounds like Dad is difficult and cheap-- bad combo:(
Do you think asking him to pay more money would help? I don't. Then he'll pull the rug out from under you, and you're already on your butt.
Call a meeting with everyone. Call a social worker, maybe? Since he is blind, couldn't he get assistance somewhere? Respite care? You are just worn out and need a break. Pneumonia is where the line is drawn, way beyond. I hope you get the right advice quickly, Dear One. xo
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This is a challenge. You might be executor of his will but that doesn't kick in until he dies and he is not obligated to give power of attorney to anyone. He is not an Alzheimer's patient or in dementia so there are no grounds for trying to force that. If you legally evict him, please understand that the sheriff's department would put him and his things at the curb of your driveway. Do you want your 85 year old blind and deaf dad living on the curb of your house? Where would he go? How will you feel looking out if it rains and see him sitting on the curb? What you might want to do is call the local office of your state department of human services and meet with a social worker and tell her/him that you are going to have him put to the curb of your home and ask for them to make arrangements for him. Even if he goes to assisted living, what happens when the 40 months are up? Perhaps he could have an apartment in a rent-controlled senior building and find someone to come assist him for a lower price than an assisted living situation.
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If you cannot convince him you may literally have to evict him. That is, go through the legal process any landlord would need to go through. I'm not sure how you could do this without being seen by him as the horrible daughter, though. How important is that to you at this point?

You probably cannot control where he goes when he leaves, but you can insist that he doesn't live in your house.

There is a very interesting and informative thread at this location: This poster did go through the process of evicting her mother, who was badly taking advantage of her and mentally abusing her. It is a very long thread because she kept us informed at every step along the way, and developed a following of many caregivers who cheered her on. If you have some time, I think you would find that particular thread informative.

Have you talked to anyone at the Department of Aging in your state?

You haven't given enough details for me to have an opinion about whether you should evict him, or whether I might consider some other options of improving your situation first.
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