I'm overwhelmed with guilt. My mother lives with me and my husband. She's been growing weaker and weaker because of a serious heart condition, and although she's never been an easy person, lately she's been depressed, bitter and demanding. Even though I know all that, I keep forgetting how she feels and what she's going through. I've learned to walk on eggshells around her because of her fragile ego and health-related depression, but today I came back home tired and moody myself.
I was having dinner when she demanded I explain to her everything about senior housing. We talked about it before, and I said there's no point in rehashing it. She got annoyed, and used her usual trick of saying "Are you saying I should just leave the room?"
Passive-aggressive, yes. Me, being an idiot, said that she was twisting my words, she's found come-back, and we just ended up attacking each other.
Now she's fuming mad, wants to move out and leave alone, accuses me of being an angry and hateful person, etc.
It hurts, because I care about her future, and I know how much care she needs. We've barely started. It's not a good idea for her to do any of this, and she can't leave because she doesn't speak english, lost all friends/connections because "they weren't calling her back", and is sick.
I'm starting to think that I really am an angry person. She usually has good 30% of my day to her, not that I mind, but it's hard for me to be enthusiastic around her, because she's judgemental. I just can't detach, can't be friends. I think I'm doing something majorly wrong, and it's all my fault. I've always been grumpy and moody, and with her I have no right to be that way. I feel horrible about myself and my reactions. What do I do?