I have posted about my large dysfuntional family. I have 8 siblings, 3 help a bit but my mother’s care has been mine and my husband’s since she moved in over 2 years ago. The drama has hit an epic level with excuses that some won’t visit or even take her out because they aren’t comfortable coming to our house.

She talks to all about it differently and excuses the ones that don’t come... I am exhausted and hurt that so much is expected of me and mom is fine with that. She is appreciative of what we have done for her but on the other hand agrees with the ones that are “uncomfortable”... never stops talking about the drama between us after I have asked her to please stop... she is more sympathetic towards some of the ones that don’t come! I have 5 grown children and I am at one of the lowest points I have ever been... when mom came here she asked me to promise not to kick her out, I did.

I can't live like this anymore and told her if some of her children won’t come here because of me that maybe its not the best place for her... she called my brother and asked if she could stay with him for a while... he is in a panic.

I feel badly for going back on my word, but I’m broken and don’t feel I should have the entire burden of caring for mom. My life is not mine it is all her and I hate being in or coming home to my own house.

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Well I just bet your brother's happy hiney is in a panic.. he can't be bothered to help you out, and now it may all drop into his lap! I think you should take a deep breath and just let her go to him for a bit.. You will get to 'reboot" and get your stress level down, and enjoy your own life for bit. And you did not kick her out, SHE called bro and asked him... Let the guilt go and get a break.
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Would you feel better if you (and your brother and your mother) looked on this initially as an extremely well-earned, prolonged break?

Then once you've got your head back, maybe all the responsible family members and your mother can make a more practical plan for next year.

One that doesn't involve anyone feeling exiled from her own house, preferably.
Helpful Answer (5)

"I hate being in or coming home to my own house." Then, that's the end of the line for your mom living with you. Resentful care can't be the best care. You want the best care for your mom. Don't feel bad about finding it outside of your home.
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Hard not to promise but things change. Does Mom have money of her own. If so maybe a nice AL. If no money Medicaid may pay for Daycare. Then Mom has a place to socialize.

Why do siblings feel uncomfortable? Tell them to plan a visit and u won't be home.
Helpful Answer (3)

I'm so sorry! Sometimes you have to break a promise. I know, its hard. But we have to maintain some of our life. Our parents could live long past us if we don't take care of ourselves. And sometimes that means finding some place else for a parent to live. Good Luck
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