Well, it WONT be your fault if he falls down. This seems like a guilt/manipulation tactic, but need a little more information as to what else is going on. Can you clarify the entire situation? There are many very smart folks who have experienced many elder issues on this forum, they can help if you will clarify. Ie is he bed bound but tries to walk? Diseases? Etc.... thanks..
I would not pay that comment any attention. Obviously it is no ones fault, unless you push him over.
Can you write notes to help with the communication?
It never ceased to amaze me what parents will say to manipulate their adult children. Maybe you can say, it might no be your fault, but you will be paying the consequences if you do fall dad. A nice rolator (sp?) can be purchased for less than $100, the doctor can order therapy to have it fitted for optimal results.
Your profile says that your your LO has dementia. I'd take into account that he may have trouble understanding and processing language. Maybe, he needs more assistance and it's his way of asking for it. It's difficult to prevent falls. I might ask for an assessment to see what he's really able to do and even ask for help making the home more safe, with regard to grab bars, ramps, etc.
No dementia issues. Has terrible hearing issues Will not ge hearing aid. The brain does suffer with not understanding because he cant hear. There is major communication issues. I can not talk with him over phone anymore He never calls anyone. He has no diseases except blood pressure being high
It IS your problem if Dad falls down, but it's not your fault. Some people need others to blame for EVERYTHING. My mother has always had 'trouble' communicating her thoughts, even before she was diagnosed with dementia. She likes to have people wheedle information out of her, begging her for clues and information. I'll call and know darn well something is wrong because of the way she sounds, ask her what's happening, and she'll say 'Nothing'. Or, she'll say "I don't know, I just feel blah." When Dad was alive, I'd have to get HIM on the phone and ask him what was wrong with mother. Nowadays, she lives in Memory Care (and Assisted Living before MC), so I can call over there to see what's going on. It's an extremely frustrating situation for sure, and I can empathize with you. Perhaps if you provide more details about your dad we can give you some appropriate advice. Does he live alone at home? With you? In assisted living?
As affirmed by the comments below, it is not your fault if he falls, but if you are in a position to make his home safer, then you should act. Ignore his insults and accusations as he may no longer really understand what his words are doing to you.
Who is the other person living with him, his spouse? How old is this person and what condition are they in? Has anyone actually seen him fall? Sometimes elderly LOs don't know what they lived vs what they imagined. My aunt with dementia has accused many family members of hideous things that we all know are untrue. It's painful at first, but sadly you do get better at ignoring it.
There are many ways to senior-ize a home to make it safer and reduce fall risks if this hasn't already been done. Would he use a cane or walker? Sometimes bringing one into the home so they can demo it (and leaving it there) may change their mind,
Ditto to a comment below about hearing vs comprehension. I've been on a phone call with my 90-yr old mom having a perfectly audible conversation and all of a sudden she'll get stuck on a word. I'd yell into the phone thinking she didn't hear it. Screaming in the phone. She won't recognize it even if I spell it for her. Not a long word, either, a simple one.
Can you take him to get his hearing assessed? Handling hearing aids at that age might be too tricky and not worth the aggravation or cost for either of you.
Ie is he bed bound but tries to walk? Diseases? Etc.... thanks..
Can you write notes to help with the communication?
It never ceased to amaze me what parents will say to manipulate their adult children. Maybe you can say, it might no be your fault, but you will be paying the consequences if you do fall dad. A nice rolator (sp?) can be purchased for less than $100, the doctor can order therapy to have it fitted for optimal results.
Best of luck, he sounds like a pickle.
Will not ge hearing aid. The brain does suffer with not understanding because he cant hear. There is major communication issues. I can not talk with him over phone anymore
He never calls anyone. He has no diseases except blood pressure being high
Perhaps if you provide more details about your dad we can give you some appropriate advice. Does he live alone at home? With you? In assisted living?
. Has balance issues. And had fallen down before.
Who is the other person living with him, his spouse? How old is this person and what condition are they in? Has anyone actually seen him fall? Sometimes elderly LOs don't know what they lived vs what they imagined. My aunt with dementia has accused many family members of hideous things that we all know are untrue. It's painful at first, but sadly you do get better at ignoring it.
There are many ways to senior-ize a home to make it safer and reduce fall risks if this hasn't already been done. Would he use a cane or walker? Sometimes bringing one into the home so they can demo it (and leaving it there) may change their mind,
Ditto to a comment below about hearing vs comprehension. I've been on a phone call with my 90-yr old mom having a perfectly audible conversation and all of a sudden she'll get stuck on a word. I'd yell into the phone thinking she didn't hear it. Screaming in the phone. She won't recognize it even if I spell it for her. Not a long word, either, a simple one.
Can you take him to get his hearing assessed? Handling hearing aids at that age might be too tricky and not worth the aggravation or cost for either of you.