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Just woke up from a horrible nightmare. I KNOW no talking to my dad will make things right. It does no good due to his illness. I had to cut my exposure with him waaaayyyyback (in May) when he made a veiled threat to me. I’m afraid of him and he shows up in my dreams sometimes! It’s terrible! Scary and sad. So do I need help or is this normal? He is no longer in assisted living - against my wishes- And is on his own. I’m thinking he’s not taking his meds like he should from what I gather from his friends.

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BPD, you are obviously consumed with worry about your dad and what he will do.

You probably have some PTSD because of everything you have gone through with his mental illness, then he threatens you and now he is on the streets and you feel threatened. Completely normal reaction under the circumstances.

Can I recommend adding items to your life that make you feel more secure, whether it is a guard dog or a door alarm. Then try to stop worrying about him and his actions, I know, easier said than done, but you can do it. Make a conscious effort every time he invades your thoughts, his choices, his consequences, I did everything I could and then some. What's for dinner, or what ever will engage your mind. It takes practice, but it does work.

You have done a great job, take care of you and live your life in the pursuit of your dreams and happiness.

Hugs!
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Not all dreams are our "friends", and certainly not frightening nightmares! I suffered from them for 23 years due to a traumatic experience in childhood, and let me tell you, the only thing I learned was that I NEVER want to experience them again. If you cannot fix what's broken with your dad, then stop trying. Make peace with that decision, which is crucial, and maybe then your nightmares will subside. I really do feel your pain, both with the dreams and with trying to come to terms with your father's mental illness. Not easy.
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Isthisrealyreal Jul 5, 2019
That is the truth, dreams can be tormentors and should not be taken out and entertained.
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Can you take a vacation?

You need a break. You need to step away from caregiving for your father and take care of yourself. You do not owe him anything.

Mental health is precious. Don’t risk yours at the expense of someone acting recklessly with their own.
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Bipolardad741 Jul 7, 2019
the hubs and I took a flight to Florida for a much needed vacay and I am feeling much better. I just have to be reminded that he made choices and he has to be responsible and that I can’t do all of that again. He wanted to be in his own so there you go! I feel like I’m back where I need to be now and the nightmares have subsided.
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Not nightmares. Your "dreams" are your friends. They are trying to help you to work through things. Just repeat them to yourself, and look for key words and phrases. Start a dream journal. Yes, he likely is NOT taking his meds, and yes, there may be not much you can do about it. In your helplessness your dreams are trying to tell you what you are going through in allegorical tales. I love the dream world. I depend upon the dream world to help me. And I am the last thing from woo woo, juju, fairy tale you will ever see. Let them guide you through your own feelings of helplessness.
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I agree with you Ahmijoy....I’ve done everything I can. But I know there is nothing I can do for him. It’s only a matter of time before he goes down again. He won’t do right and take the meds. I can’t deal with the burden! It’s been my whole entire life.
I also think it is “guilt” that I feel. But UNrightfully so! He is responsible for himself. I’ve done all that I can. And he is too unpredictable!
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The only thing I can think to do is talk to someone. There are ministers and Priests that have training in this area besides going to a licenced therapist.

You may be having the dreams out of guilt? Quilt because you want to help but he doesn't want the help. Your Dad had probably been BiPolar all his life. My cousin wasn't diagnosed till her 40s. Boy would her life been different if she had been diagnosed in her teens. She too choses not to medicate. Most BP people don't like to. My cousin is 63 now but says the meds make her feel "out of it" and she slobbers. She's too young to slobber, she told me. She medicates with alcohol.

Its hard, but you really have to let go. Dad is responsible for himself. You can't help him until he is ready for it. As long as he is abusing himself, keep ur distance. When he says he needs help and means it, then u can be there for him.
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I’m sorry. Have you sought therapy to help you deal with this? From reading your profile and this post, I honestly believe you need to completely cut ties with him. You are not responsible for his mental illness, his refusal to take his meds, or his traveling around the country to harass his family members. He sounds like a threat to everyone's safety and it’s only a matter of time before he winds up in the psychiatric ward under arrest. You cannot control his behavior nor should you try. If he shows up at your doors, you and your family members need to call 9-1-1. Delete any emails or voicemails from him and don’t answer the phone when he calls. You need to be proactive about protecting yourself from him. He is your biological father, but I believe he is a threat to your safety and there is nothing you can do to help him because he refuses any attempts you make.
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