My father put his art ahead of his family. He neglected us, and eventually my mother divorced him. When I was a teen, he molested me. Now, I'm the only child who is willing to care for him, but I am sick of his insults and his lies. He has convinced all his friends that everything that led up to their divorce was all my mother's fault (in fact, he even lies and says that HE divorced HER), and holds me up to ridicule in front of them. He refused to help me in college (I always thought it was because I refused his advances), yet gives the impression to everyone that I was really bad, even though I worked my way through, had a family, and my husband and I deserve respect for raising raising good kids. I feel his behavior is NOT attributable to old age, but to his lifelong contempt of my mother and her children. I am getting so I don't want to have anything to do with him! He refuses to take a bath, and cleaning up the toilets after his incontinence is getting to me. He refuses to do anything to make my stay with him comfortable, yet he wants me to come back. (He lives all the way across the country, and when I go to see him, I'm far away from family and friends. Yet, he refuses to let me use the internet, even when I say I will pay, and I have to go outside to use my cell phone because he refuses to let me use the phone.) I can't tell my husband how abusive he was, and so my husband counsels me to go and take care of my father and not "abandon him," and that someday I will look back and think about how I treated my father at the end of his life. But, I'm getting so I don't want to go. Right now, my father is still mobile at home and even drives, but he is slowing down. He's in his late nineties and the day is coming when he will have to do something he never planned for, and that is to depend on his kids. None of us feel he cared about us when we were growing up--he certainly never made any sacrifices to feed his family-- and now we are going to have to put HIM first? He has no shame and has no clue about how he has treated us.