After taking care of my Mother for 18 months, the stress caused my marriage to unravel. At this point, my Mom's cancer had returned and it was agreed nothing could be done. I rented a place (in my Mom's name, I am but a temporary tenant here) and we began cohabitation in June 2013.
She was given 6-12 months to live last October. I finally brought in hospice 3 days ago, thinking they would be helpful. What seems to be more the case, however, is they are now further tying my burnt out wings but telling me I must NEVER leave my mother alone again. No daily trip to the dog park, no running to get groceries without having arranged a 'babysitter'.
This FEELS like instead of help, I've just been placed in a very unfair position of not just spending 22 hours a day in this hell hole, but must schedule any tiny event, lest I be accused of 'Elder Abuse'.
To make matters worse, because my mother keeps it 90 degrees in the house, I find myself stuck in my bedroom, door shut w/ windows open so I can attempt to breathe. It is not uncommon for me to wear headphones while on my computer as that is the only way I am able to enjoy music.
Our furnace is very loud. It runs non stop. Both mine and my mother's bedroom doors are shut. My mom has a very puny voice, but often has the TV blaring and tends to 'talk to it'. She's the poster child for what they call 'branded'. She see's things in commercials and feels she must have them.
The hospice people want me to place a baby monitor in her room so I can LISTEN to this garbage and she can inform her 'slave' (me) that she needs something. But what's happening is I get to hear ALL the crap going on in there and she's not just treating me like a slave but actually called me 'her nigger'. Yeah.
I have been caretaking for her now since November 2011. It appears, because I was foolish enough to participate in this capacity, I am now legally liable for her every moment of the day. She can still get around mind you, uses a walker. And I get that it's not wise to have her cooking or doing laundry or housekeeping.
But to tell me that despite them being paid and under contract that I am legally responsible with no rights because Caretakers are not a 'protected class' seems beyond comprehension.
I live in Oregon. They do not seem to have any laws governing Caretakers. An out of state lawyer told me it is not uncommon for a state w/o laws to borrow from a close one, California being the example, to follow what's on their books.
Under that scenario, if ANYTHING happens to my mom while in what we seem to now calling 'my custody', I could be charged with Elder abuse.
Does ANYBODY have an experience or advice in this manner? My mother has worn me out with her hateful, verbal abuse. She has done unspeakable things to my coffee and toothbrush.
I thought I was going to get help for BOTH of us when Hospice entered the picture. But it appears they just gave my Mother total ownership of me. And I've no idea how to extract myself or at least regain autonomy.