My 96 year old father has a companion of 35 years that is 85. This woman has a 50 year old son who is a felon and in and out of jail. He is recently out again and she has allowed him access to my father's checking account.
When I confronted them and told my father, she lied and said her son wasn't using the account, but I have the proof. Father backed up the companion because, at this age, he is just afraid of being alone. She is basically his "caretaker" although she has sight issues and possible aphasia.
I have his will and am designated POA but need two doctors notes to gain control which he refuses to let me get. I also have an advanced care directive with HIPPA release, but do not want to use it just yet, as it will anger him.
I discovered a $1,700 dollar payment for the felon son's dental work. When I asked my father, he initially said he did not authroize it, but then the companion chimed in that it was a loan and then Dad said yeah he gave it to him. I have evidence the felon son has accessed account, but Dad will support the companion whatever she says.
He is 96, frail, and afraid of being alone. She can be verbally mean. I told her that I would put that felon in jail for abuse if I discover more charges and told my father I was done. After all the work, care, support, and love I have been giving and he ignored my daughter's wedding. Not sure what to do at this point, but I am concerned.
Call the sheriff and meet them at your dad’s house. It’s probably an exercise in futility but at least they will know you are keeping an eye on things.
Also call and report to APS.
1 - Report the fraudulent charges to dad's bank, credit card company and other financial institutions. Have them issue new cards and send them to your home. Let them know the abuser is family of his "friend" and that you are working on this situation.
2 - Report the son and have a restraining order placed on him. He should not have access to your dad in any way, shape, form... If it costs him his "friendship," it preserves all his resources for his use (which he needs).
3 - Take dad to ER and get 2 ER doctors to evaluate his cognition. Have them put their findings in writing and put copies of this into his medical records with his usual doctor.
4 - Use the POA to protect your dad. Put child controls on his computer so he doesn't get scammed online. Adjust his phone settings so only "known and approved" calls go through - all others are blocked. If his lady friend leaves him, block her phone number(s) too.
5 - Find senior outlets that give him opportunities to meet people and make friends. He needs more relationships in his life - not ones that will abuse him. YMCA? Church events? Local community/library events?
AND
hire an attorney asap.
You need to get some legal authority to manage this situation.
Gena / Touch Matters
This is a long term relationship your father has with this person you call his caregiver. This is a LONG TIME together. If you father wishes to pay for her son's dental work, out of his funds he can.
I would at the least take your story to APS to discuss.
Your Dad will be used for his money any way that guy can get it out of him.
I would just keep a close eye on that situation.
At his age, I doubt that he intentionally missing your daughter’s wedding. Either the companion talked him out of it, or he just forgot.
It hurts when a companion feels more important to your dad than you, but remember, he made YOU his POA, not the companion. He lives and trusts you more! When he had his full memory, he chose you. He now needs you to watch over him, and make sure this companion and her son are good for your dad or not.
Best of luck to you.
You can report financial exploitation of two vulnerable seniors to APS, because she is probably afraid of her son too. Even if they do nothing, it's now known that the situation is on the authorities radar.
Sometimes we have to let things go when we have no authority to act. Dad can and will spend his money however he wants, whether he is fully competent to understand or not he puts a LOT of confidence in what she says. That will not change, BTDT.
You will have to use your HIPAA or let this go.
If your father is competent to make his own decisions he can give/loan money to his caregiver’s son if he chooses.
It will affect his ability to have Medicaid pay for facility care if it is deemed he is gifting his funds.
Hopefully he won’t need that but good caregivers or not, sometimes 24/7 skilled nursing care is required.
A 35 yr caregiver is rare. Has your dad needed a care giver for 35 yrs? She must have taken good care of him if so. They certainly have a long time relationship and at 96 he has lived a long life and she sounds amazing to still be working at 85. I wish him well.
Congratulations and best wishes to your daughter and her spouse.
By the way, your fathers POA, if activated before his death, will no longer be valid at death.