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My sister has been taking "cash" money from my Mother for 30 years. Until 3 years ago it was about $500 per month. Over the last 3 years she has convinced my Mother to give her all of her savings which was around $80,000 to $100,000. Now my Mother is out of money and she recently convinced my Mother to go to 3 separate institutions to borrow more money (about $20,000). She gave the money to my sister in CASH because she is on disability and it would show as income which would cause her to lose her SSDI. Now that my Mother is out of money and cannot repay her debt, my sister is now accusing me of abusing my Mother because I told my Mother her judgment was impaired. My sister is threatening to sue me because I have financial power of attorney from my Mother and demanding all sorts of things. H E L P !

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Are we being duped?
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Go to court to get guardianship.
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I have a similar situation: a sibling that is misusing Mom's money, checking account, spending over $1000/month on her credit card, and disposing of belongings in her home, all while she is incapacitated in the hospital. Unbeknownst to me, this sibling got my mother to sign of POA to him months ago, even though he has been unemployed for the last 4 years and is a practicing alcoholic. He was reported to Adult Protective Services. They did NOTHING! I was told to file a criminal report with the local police department, and they closed the case. They never investigated any claims, which I have written documentation of. Right now, I feel like I'm on an island all alone with the waters rising. He is living a life free and easy, misusing his POA powers, and slowly depleting her assets, while I work full time and lose sleep worrying about my mom and her finances. Where do I turn and what do I do, when APS has not helped?
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keep up with protective services and also there are local resources as well as free legal help. I praise you for standing up for whats right
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I especially love when the ones who have borrowed say "but mom was helping me out, I needed mom's help, wouldn't you help out your child?"....blah blah blah......here's a thought.....work through your own issues and dig yourself out of the hole you got yourself into......enough already!
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My sister did the same thing to my father and also her incompetence lead to his death. She had secretly had him sign papers making her his POA even though earlier when he made me his executor and also POA she threw a fit and the notary wouldn't let him sign the POA. A month later she had the same notary come to her house and had Dad sign the papers. We didn't know this until after Dad passed. My brother's and I tried to get the money back that she took but couldn't. Some children are so greedy!
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I hate these relatives who exploit these parents without any regard for elders rights and future monetary needs. It is pure out predator abuse and unfortunately, other sibs or family never know until the elder gets into financial trouble and then comes to the responsible one.
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First business is determine if you have DPOA invoked (mom deemed by dr to be incompetent) -- without that you can't stop mom or sister from this money problem.

Next sit down with mom (if she isn't totally incompetent) and explain the amount of money and loans. Write it up simply and explain to mom "she is broke trying to help sister) and who will take care of mom when she is penniless? This may be a wake up call for her when she sees it in black and white.

Mom is responsible for her debt, not you and not your sister -- you will be the loser because sis has already gotten the majority of the estate.

Talk with mom and offer her help in stopping the $$ bleed and stopping future gifts and lending to sister. Take mom to bank, get on the accounts secured in your name. Give mom a small account to draw from and when it's empty it's empty. Call the loan companies and tell them mom is elder and has memory issues and they are to not allow any future lending to mom -- they won't if you tell a white lie and tell them she won't be able to repay the loan.
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I also would suggest that you talk to a professional you trust to have your mom's best interests at heart. Either a doctor or a lawyer, or both. The toll caregiving takes is great enough, even if your entire family is on the same page. It doesn't sound like that is the case here.
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I have to ask - why did you wait so long to do something about this?
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I believe you need an attorney, not answers from strangers.
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You do not say if your mother has been deemed incompetent. One can give a POA to someone without being incompetent. If she is not, and the pattern has already been set (some 30 yrs.), then your mother wanted to give her money of her own free will. Now that she has borrowed more money, she will suffer the consequences. You probably should have placed a double signature on her bank account, knowing your sister does this sort of thing. It is done now and the only recourse for you is to sue your sister. What would she sue you for? Wanting to protect your mother? Get a good elder attorney to go after that money if you can show your mother was under duress.
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I hope she does take you to court, because the judge will lock HER up. When she says she is suing, smile and say "Go ahead, make my day". Do not let mom have cash at all, as POA you must protect her and you should report the financial abuse to APS, who will take it further.
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If mom has SSDI (not SSI) her income from this source is not affected by how much money she has. It is not based on "need". Or is it the sister on SSDI not mom? Same comment, SSDI is not affected. If the income of sister is SSI that is based on need and all that money flowing through her fingers does impact her "need" for SSI. I just don't understand where you were with the POA while you felt your mother was being exploited. Did you know? Does mom have some problem that makes her incompetent to handle her financial decisions? What is now being demanded of you? What would you be sued about?
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I've called the Adult Protective Services and they are apparently still investigating because they asked for the phone numbers of all my sisters, each financially and emotionally exploiting her for their personal gain. The APS can't tell me anything because it is confidential so I wonder what they do if they find something or does it have to be extreme before there is any legal action. I am afraid because one sister may have POA. Can it be challenged?
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Michele,

You go girl!
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This is so wrong on so many levels it infuriates me! With what I have been through over the past six months to get my mother the help she needs without my father being broke..............people amaze me! Step up and tell your sister that her free tax payer ride is over! You are a party to this mess if you don't let the right people know what's going on. BLOW THE WHISTLE LOUD. What on earth has she done with that much money? What comes around goes around I say. Don't let her bully you, call her out!!!
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You have the POA, but vulture sis controls the $. I think she's threatening to sue just to shut you up. If you can prove her dirty deeds in court, tell her you'll see her there. Otherwise offer to surrender the POA to her. She probably won't want it b/c that'd be too much responsibility. She just wants to keep the looting going.
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Please contact AARP,they have Ron Burley..he will assist you for sure.In the meantime this is cruel.I have worked in the medical field ,including the elderly and have seen it all.One family,while their mother was dying ,stayed in the room with her, ordering out for food, asking when she was going to die because they had vacation plans, eating and playing cards, wiped out their mother's accounts..well she showed them,she lived another month so they had to put the money back..in the meantime, try and get an lawyer for the elderly..this is wrong and unacceptable.I know in my own family we had the vultures.we ended up getting legal help..they had to give what they took back..a couple of items were unable to be returned..never knew to this day where the items ended up...probably a pawn shop...there must be elderly legal help in your area..I am sure they can help...good luck and God bless you
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it is just amazing. the honest kid ends up with the paper trail and the thug knows to deal in cash. as far out as this sounds if you see a mess talk to family doc. he can make wheels turn even before you get out of his office. hes really powerful in elder affairs. my mom spent just a little while at home alone and two junky g-sons were dropping in all the time. one would distract while the other stole pills and money. i hurled a spare tire thru the windshield of a car that was still sitting at moms house just for emphasis and my son called and offered to pulverize the junkys if he ever saw them again. we never saw them again. you may have to find a way to intimidate the abuser.
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Your sister is potentially committing fraud as regards failing to declare income while claiming disability benefits. If you have proof to the extent that you cannot pretend you are not aware of her actions, you had better report this or you will implicated.

What form are your sister's accusations taking?

How long have you been aware of your sister's behaviour?

How long have you had financial POA?

To be honest, I think you yourself might be in big trouble. I think you'd better get good legal advice from an elder specialist, pronto pronto. You need to get sorted:

what has happened to your mother's capital
what has gone on with her obtaining credit
what is to be done about her inability to meet her debt
what explanation are you going to put forward for your failure to intervene sooner.

What are your mother's care needs? Is she living with you, living with your sister, or living alone?

Please come back to us with more details. I don't want to alarm you and then do nothing to offer suggestions.
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Do what i did took my dad to the bank with my POA in hand and now i know everything that goes on in his banks accounts and nothing funny can get by without my approval...i too have a brother who took about the same amount from my mom without my dads knowledge...now she is gone my brother keeps calling my dad so far my dad is adamant he is not getting any money from him! But with his dementia increasing u just never know. The time to get all that pertinate paperwork done is when she is still has some or all her coganative skills. Protect her at all costs even if it means getting a no contact order against ur sister. Please dont waste another day....go and get advice ASAP! I cant stress not to let another day go by without dealing with this.
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It never ceases to amaze me what children will do to get aging parents money! Is your mom competent? If she is, she can do anything with her money that she wants, though sometimes I think something should be done. If your mom is incompetent, you should call Adult Protective Services to have them investigate your sister. If she has taken all of your mom's money she won't even be able to get Medicaid until that money is paid back to her.

Is the POA standing (meaning good anytime) or springing (where something has to happen to mom to become unable to take care of things herself). Much has happened in my case through negligence of sibling POA because she just did not take care of business the way that she should have. And the POA was standing, she should have and could have requested information on our mom at any time.
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