Hi AC family, haven't been on here in quite a while. Not sure if this is in the right forum -- I thought I could post to the grief forum but that wasn't a topic in the menu, so relationships was the next closest one.)
Some of you remembered me the last time I posted, and I was touched. Since then, my mom has passed away. (Recap: dad passed away from cancer my last semester of college when I was 21 & we were very close; mom passed away this year, before my 26th birthday, & we had a very tumultuous relationship. Neither passing was sudden.)
I've had my ups & downs, but since I had been on my own for quite some time, the physical distance has helped. Sadly, there are many occasions where I wish I could call a parent for advice & I can't do that. (Calling your older brother just isn't the same.)
However, I've never been someone that wants the pity of others. I can't stand when someone learns about either or both passings & says something like, "I'm so sorry for your loss, I wish I had known sooner!", *especially* when they were only acquaintances.
Is there a response you typically use, or something that you preface your news-breaking with? The last time I went home, I thought I was going to implode from the amount of pity from local store owners, neighbors, etc.!!!
(About me: the most comforting & supportive things people said to me that made me feel like I could actually talk to them were ones that empathized. The one that touched me the most actually came from a newer friend that I don't know as well. They're also adopted, and their parents are celebrities, but I never expected us to connect on such a deep level. From across the country, they said to me, "I would ask if you're okay but everyone is and that's a stupid question. You're not alone; if there's something I can do, even if a call or a text, please do so. Let me know if you're out here anytime soon - I would love to have you for a visit." So much applause for not uttering the words "I'm sorry"!!! Somehow, this person understood me & my needs in that moment more than a lot of people.)