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Feedback needed. So there is a 27 year age difference between myself and my hubby. Him being the 'senior' in the relationship. He's in his early 60s.


Anyway. We both have mental health issues. Depression being one of them. He's an active alcoholic. He has stated to me before he has no intention of stopping his drinking. He has admitted he drinks to self medicate. He is taking medication for the mental health disorders. He sees a therapist.


About two years ago he was drinking so much that he was unable to walk without a walker or a wheel chair. He'd urinate and defecate on himself because he couldn't make it to the bathroom. Was a fall risk, had fallen many times, knocking himself out.


We took him to the ER, had him see a neurologist, had him see his GP, etc. Neuro exams found nothing. It was concluded it was a combination of alcohol and medication (Lithium). A combination of Lithium and Alcohol Toxicity.


Flash forward to now, He's since been off of Lithium. But the drinking has increased to the point that he's again not able to walk. Not able to make it to the bathroom. He wounded his arm somehow. It's the alcohol. I've known it from the beginning. I try to tell him and he brushes it off.


He's since canceled every appointment he's had this month. He sits and drinks. He has interment pain in his groin that cause him the scream in pain. He *refuses* to go to the doctor. I bring it up and he just gets mad.


So anytime he screams I look at him. Let him know I hear him and go back to what I am doing. He will not go whatsoever. I can't force him. In the past I've tried to call 911 and while they come to talk to us unless he's a danger to himself or another they legally can't take him.


I'm at a loss. I told him that right now I am waiting till he falls and can't get up just so I can call 911 to have him taken away.


What I want to know is can I be legally held responsible if something happens and because I knows he's been drinking, or that he's in pain, and haven't done anything to help him?


I've offered to take him at the drop of a hat. I'd take him if I was mid-pee and finish going at the ER if he wanted to go.


He just won't do it.


I highly doubt he'd be declared mentally incompetent. He knows what he's doing. He just refuses to get help.


*sigh* I knew I'd have to take care of him at some point in life. I didn't figure at 34.

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Call his doctor, have them put in his chart that he is drinking too much and crying out in pain but will not go to the ER. Ask if there is anything you can do since he refuses to go. If they say no, have them document that they told you no. This way u have something to back you up.

If you are willing to stay, then you continue like you have. He will have to be unconscious for EMTs to take him to the hospital. He can't refuse if he is out. I would get a POA set up.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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I'm so sorry. What a nightmare.

Do you want to stay in the marriage? Would you consider separating? What is it doing to your mental health, to your own depression, to continue as you are now, until the poor man dies or is, as you say, carted off when he can't do anything about it?

Is there any family member, clergy person, counselor, that you could consult with?

What a terrible situation for you both.
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Reply to SnoopyLove
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Your husband obviously wants to dig his own grave. He wants to. And you can't stop him. The only person you can help is yourself. Let him go and save yourself.

Time to see a divorce lawyer.
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Reply to polarbear
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Why are you still with him?
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Reply to mally1
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I was in a relationship with an alcoholic 30 years ago. Turned out he too had at that point undiagnosed mental health issues. Eventually he was diagnosed as Bipolar. He is now 62, still drinks, does street drugs and is often off his meds. He has accomplished nothing in his life since 1985.

I will never put myself into another relationship with an alcoholic. My advice is based on my past experience.

You need to take care of yourself as this man is not capable of doing so. Me, I would be out of there.

Who is buying the booze? Is there anyway you can lower the amount he drinks each day? There have been some studies on providing long term alcoholics with measured doses throughout the day. It is controversial, but appears to be effective in reducing consumption while mitigating the withdrawal side effects.

As far as can you be held responsible for his actions? I would not expect so. There will be records of your 911 calls and his refusing help.

Please join a support group or look for indvidual counselling. He is being abusive to you.
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Reply to Tothill
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