Can a caregiver divorce a dementia person?

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having tried divorce, 2 times previously, before his illnesses, because of verbal and emotional abuse over a large number of years, the spouse now has vascular dementia, exasperated because of refusal to take care of his self, He has diabetes, had open heart surgery, stage 4 prostrate cancer matasized, having 3 strokes with seizures, and numerous other life threatening health issues.He is on numerous meds too. He always has been a jeckel and hyde person, sweet to others, and a monster to me his spouse, now he is still the same only magnified 100 fold, the ongoing disrespect is very difficult, as a caregiver to deal with. and now that he is unable to regain his former life, I am this awful controlling person (who however, sees to it all the bills are paid, the food is in the house and cooked, laundry etc. all taken care of for him)....the thought of going on the remaining few years I may have, living this way is enough to make me want to divorce him so I can perhaps have a bit of solice the rest of my days.Before my health goes down. Any suggestions?

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Rudy, see an attorney specializing in Elder Law. The specialty is critical. Such a lawyer can explain all your options and ways to protect any assets that can be protected.

I am sorry to say that many people who planned to leave a financial legacy for their children simple cannot maintain that plan in the face of serious illness. But a lawyer is your best bet for seeing that your wife has the care that she needs and that you are not impoverished.

And, yes, lawyers do cost money. But making serious mistakes can cost even more!
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My wife of 49 years is in early stage dementia. Over the last 6 months it has been difficult. I cannot give up on her as I love her despite the hurtful comments she makes. At times she makes me angry and confused abut what to do. LT care insurance is unavailable and unaffordable, cannot afford monthly assisted living costs but so many encounters with hospitals, police clearly means a change is coming and I need help dealing with what to do and when and help deciding how to protect some minimal assets already included in a estate plan with children(adults) who are beneficiaries. I don't want a divorce nor separation but I have my own health issues to deal with and want her protected. What can be done?
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My husband and i have separated for 8 years and we have a Separation Agreement dividing our assets. I hear he is now incompetent and going to a nursing home. will i be able to commence divorce proceedings given his condition?
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potpourrie33, see an elder law attorney. You can petition the court to have a guardian appointed other than yourself if he is mentally incompetent. The court can also recommend placement in a facility, but probably not assisted living.
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I am in the same boat and in addition to three kinds of dementia including Alzheimer's dementia he is an alcoholic, booze being responsible for some of his dementia. He drinks every afternoon until dinner is served him and then just anything will set him off and he calls me vile names. I am 83 and would like some peace before I die. I have been taking care of him throughout all of the 57 years I have been married to him but I am completely exhausted and deeply hurt. I do everything now and he does nothing. I would like to put him in assisted living but Washington state will only allow that if patient is willing. Obviously, he would not be and since he was a lawyer, guardianship is something he would not tolerate. I have power of attorney but goes only so far where I live. Can anyone help?
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My friend is going through the same thing. The Dr. contacted DMV and the letter came today saying his license is suspended. He went ballistic! He has well to do adult children within less than a hundred miles, they are not supportive at all. They sleep good at night, not my friend. Twice now he has put his biscuit in the microwave thinking he has set it for 4 mins. but it was 4 hrs. He walks away and forgets it. It's very early, she's asleep, the house fills up with smoke and the stink stays for days. He says he didn't do it and gets mad at her. This has been going on for about 3 yrs. and it's getting worse every day. She can't go out for fear he'll burn the house down. This man has never admitted to being wrong ever in his life and has never said he was sorry. Now on top of that, dementia.
Wow, more than I could handle, she has a wonderful daughter who lives upstate who visits and tries to give her a little peace when she can. All her friends are worried but what can we do?
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the fear in someone with early onset alz is a horrible thing and the knowledge that it will diminish memory going forward is un-describable. You are trying to hold on to today with a hope of peace for the future. To have a divorce suggested now only adds a final issue to deal with. After divorce the person with alz has less(no one) to count...as he will be less aware and motivation...without being aware its even happening. Interesting situation for said person ....
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2013!!! Oh, I see what has happened, my answers were for the original poster from 2013. However, the process server info is still the same.
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My husbands son is his poa. His son is in control of his money and house. I am his wife and they have put my husbands ss in another account and changed the locks in our home. I have filed for divorce because my husband is in nursing home and I don't have any money or home to live in. He is mad because I said I couldn't take care of him any more because of my health so he is taking everything away from me through his son which is poa. I have been told nursing facility wouldn't let him be served because he could be suicidal. My attorney is sending someone to serve him. I need a divorce in order to draw social security on my previous deceased spouse but my husband is fighting it and trying to delay it so I can't get money off of my deceased spouse. Popsicle
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See an attorney. After the divorce, you will not be allowed to be his POA, DPOA, REP-Payee for social security. There are other financial considerations, say, if you need his social security income to survive? How will you plan financially to pay for your home, the division of marital property, his proceeds going to pay for the nursing home? See a financial planner, and/or an attorney.
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