You all have been a great deal of help to me. I don’t think there’s a unique or never heard of before experience on here. So here’s my latest.

I took mom to the doctor last week, found her a great doctor who specializes in Geriatric medicine. Mom agreed that she would do all the tests, which she has, and also agreed to a low dose antidepressant. Her depression is severe, off the chart bad. Even she admits it.

The antidepressant is in the process of being filled and I told her again about it this morning, how important it was to take it, and that it will really turn things around and how she’ll benefit from it so please be sure to start it as soon as we get it.

”Well, we’ll see.”

I could have fallen out of my chair. “Mom I have to put my foot down here, you have GOT to take this medication it has gone on for too long.” Then I get the look away, far away day dream look.

I am going to tell her that if she chooses to be non compliant with her medication that I’ll tell her physician and she can write up orders for a visiting nurse to come in and attend to her because I won’t.

I feel like I’m being hateful or evil or something but jeez, if she doesn’t want to try to get better I’m going to literally lose my sanity. I will go crazy(er) for sure.

I get that she feels like she’s not in control, but where did the trying-to-get-better go. She’s cropped up with another issue that I have to drop everything, leave work, and take her to a doctor that can fit her in tomorrow. You know that kind of appointment, no real set time we’ll just fit you in. Several hours later....

Thanks for listening. I feel like a royal a$$ for saying all this but I’m getting so fed up I can’t stand myself. And my own health is suffering because of it.

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Fantastic! Hope the meds help.

My mom resisted home health with nurse visits, occupational and physical therapy. She saw results, the nurses and therapists saw results and I was so happy.

Then came another series of falls. She didn’t keep up with her exercises and became weaker. She also has balance issues. She’s so fearful of everything and I understand that. Falls would make anyone uneasy.

Her doctor ordered another round of home health. The exercises are geared for her condition, Parkinson’s disease which is tough. Neurological problem so she thinks she can do something in her mind but her body doesn’t always cooperate. She resisted the home health idea again. She finally agreed to it. I’m hoping we see results again and she tries to keep up with exercises. My mom is like yours, flip flops back and forth on decisions.

She’s tired. She’s 93! Honestly, I know she misses my dad so much. They were married over 50 years and she’s ready to be with him. Once I told her that she was going to live to be 100! Her response was that she didn’t want to live that long.

Best of luck with your mom. Sending good thoughts and prayers your way for you and your mother.
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Thanks everyone for your answers I knew I wasn’t alone here.

I talked to mom today and I think she’s rethought her attitude for the antidepressant and will give them a try.
she goes through these cycles of “I will” and “I don’t want.”

I’m at the doctors with her right now who’s just ordered a battery of more half or full day tests to which she responded, “That’s great!”

Yes. Yes it is.
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Don’t you feel like you’re talking to a brick wall at times? I do with my mom. My mom does the same thing. She will agree to something that the doctor feels is best for her, then completely ignore it. Very frustrating.

With her it most likely isn’t as important as depression. The doctor wanted her to take fluid pills. She refuses without even trying them.

I’ve tried to tell her that not all people experience the same side effects of drugs. She’s influenced by television commercials taking about side effects or others telling her about their side effects. Does no good.

Please don’t feel badly about venting. We all have to vent sometimes. Better than bottling it up, then exploding.
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My dad was recently started on Zoloft for anxiety and depression. So far it’s been a help, but it’s not a magic solution. I think your mom and my dad may have in common that they’ve given up on solutions, they’ve tried about all they’re going to, they’re tired of fixes and hopes (if you understand what I’m trying to say) My dad has had in home physical therapy for a couple of months now. It started as “they really give me a workout” then became “I don’t know that it’s working” and now is “I’m probably going to cancel them coming as they really don’t do anything” Yet when I tell him I can get the therapists to challenge him more he quickly says, no, don’t do that. He’s tired of it all, and frustrating as it is for me I have to respect that it’s his choice. This doesn’t mean you have to drop everything and run your mom to the doctor constantly, my dad likes doctors too, but I’ve come to see it’s often for either his want of a quick fix with no effort on his part, or he simply likes the conversation with the doctor and staff. So we’re going less often
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NeedHelpWithMom Jan 2019
Sometimes I wonder if my mom looks at doctor visits as a social outing. It’s all that’s left in her life.

Other than her soap opera what does she have to talk about? I am her whole world outside of doctors. I’m isolated too from not being able to leave. She moved in with me in 2005. So, I don’t have much of a life either.

Her doctor visits give her something to talk about with a few of my cousins that call on the phone. Unfortunately, my cousins live far away and can’t visit. Plus the one she speaks to the most is 96! She still drives, (probably shouldn’t) but only in her neighborhood. We’re too far from her to drive here.
Most antidepressants take several weeks to kick in, so there is no great drama about her starting a day or two late. You don't need to drop everything for an appointment tomorrow. Perhaps she meant 'we'll see' if it will really turn things around - which is not a stupid question. Part of feeling depressed is having a few doubts about magic solutions. Calm yourself. I can see why you feel fed up, but this one really isn't the line to draw in the sand. What can you do to help yourself feel better?
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anonymous570188 Jan 2019
Hi Margaret, thank you for your response, it really does make a lot of sense. By the way my name is also Margaret...

I have started including my brothers on updates, and whether they are able to do anything (or want to) I do feel better just by letting someone else know- someone who is also related to her - what is going on and keeping them informed. I got her antidepressants today and she has decided that after several doctors saying it is a good idea, she will do it. Believe me I know her. “We’ll see,” was always a way of maintaining control, but she’s had time to think about getting better and will give it a try.

Keeping healthy boundaries has also helped calm me, and she is agreeable to them, at least today. Today was pretty overwhelming but tomorrow may not be. Thinking positive helps.
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