I am at my wits end.


Im 56 swm never married no friends no job on disability for bipolar disorder and Afib/CHF. Currently living with folks and mommy dearest 80 yrs old suffering from vision and brain disorder Charles Bonnet syndrome brought on by diabetes of which she has had all her life but did not manage it good enough due to poor eating habits. On top of that she in her stubborn moments broke her hip and refuses to work on her physical therapy as she prefers to be wheelchair bound and get everyone to feel sorry for her. She has been emotionally and verbally abusive with me all my life. Daddy dearest understands but he is not so understanding at times. All he worries about is money and investments that are going nowhere. However, since I had no choice but to move in with them due to my own medical problems and between both myself and father we both are now burnouts in devoting all our time and energy on an 80 yr old child who sees things and complains daily about everything under the sun. It is in my opinion why I cant get along with people especially women and never had a normal relationship with women is because of one. My mother. I push away women who tell me of my mother issues and ultimately sabotage myself in having a healthy relationship with a female. I have no friends no outlet no support system in place. I have one sister who doesnt really want anything to do with it but claims her love for my folks. Yet she is not willing to give up her life to help. Yet she was a nurse and medical professional for over 20 yrs. I used to have a brother who is and never was a brother because he spent all his life in prison so he is no help. I live on a meager income from social security disability and going nowhere but crazy. Because of my depression and moodswings I am unemployable and according to the govt a waste of time and energy to train for a job. At 56 yrs old who wants such a person with preexisting conditions? I live in a redneck area where there is nothing but nursing homes and dr offices full of old folks waiting to die. The young kids spend their time smoking dope and making meth or racing cars and trucks all day. This is the so called sunshine state but all I have seen is nothing but dysfunction and nonsense with folks. I have very few choices. If I apply for subsidized housing that may relieve some tension but may only create a new set of problems because the quality of people who congregate to low income housing are low lifes drug dealers and criminal types. A part of doesnt want abandon ship with my Dad as he needs me to help him around the house. Yet, when will I be relieved of duties and try to sort out the remaining time I have in this life? Yes, many times they were there for me when I had nothing. So, today its payback for all the times I may have taken them for granted. Yet, my patience is wearing. My dad is trapped as he cant get away either to live alittle. This is not living. The golden years shouldnt have to be spent belly aching in a wheelchair. I am having my so called mid-life crisis and yet, I did this to myself. I blame myself for the bad choices I made that led me to my current plight. Overall, my drama is not anymore unique than everyone else here. Yet, if it only serves to vent this out then it has done its job.

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You sound like an educated person. You write very well and are able to express your thoughts well. I suggest you find a mental health counselor through your state's department of family and children's services or something similar. They can help get you to the right doctors to get you on proper medication. I suggest getting into a support group so you can make friends. You could possibly find a job as an aide or assistant at a senior center. You really need to get away from your mother some, too. Being around people like her will really drag you down.
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i would suggest first talk to your social worker and explain your situation and see if they can offer any suggestions. I'm guessing you are in florida I looked up a link that may be of help to you...http://elderaffairs.state.fl.us/doea/resources.php
Coming here and venting is a great step in the right direction- my parents social worker suggested that I come here also and finally did a few days ago- The support and understanding has been amazing.
One thing that helped me was finding out that I am not alone...all the daily issues that I am having are very common in our situation. The most important thing at this point is to make sure you are getting the help and support that you need. Keep venting that seems to help a little just to get it all out..
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Oldbefuddled, how are you ??

You've taken the best step so far by coming here to this site!! It has saved my sanity and gives me hope!
Hang in there, it does get better even if baby steps are taken 😉
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Good job at venting! I hope it helps a little.

Do you have a disability case worker? Are you seeing any kind of counselor? Are you on medications for your conditions? Tell us a little about how you take care of yourself.
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