Dad dumped in nursing home in Colorado by his stepson. My dads wife dies recently and because of his memory deficits, stepson put him in there. he is ambulatory and just needs cueing per staff. I am a RN with 15 NH experience. I live Pennsylvania and so does all of my dads family. there is no family out there for my dad. The stepson in the legal POA and now he want guardianship. there must be an underlying motive for him to gain something since I am the biological son and he is not.

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KRB, I'm sorry because this must be a terribly painful long term situation, and it must feel as though the 'last chances' for a proper reconciliation are slipping away. Will it be possible for you to visit your father at all where he is?
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krbnet, I am so glad that you came here. If the step-son knows you aren't going to move your father, maybe he won't feel the need to file for guardianship. That will save a lot of time and money. If he has been handling things well with the POA, that could continue.

I have a feeling from what you describe that the step-son made a good decision. There comes a time with dementia that family aren't able to handle it at home anymore. Your father probably reached that time in his life. If the step-son is doing a good job, I would throw my support in behind him and visit whenever it is possible. Does your father still know you? I hope so.

Good thoughts for you and your family. Dementia is always hard to know exactly what to do. We just do the best we can. Big hugs.
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I did find 3 places in PA that are memory units for his diagnosis. so medically speaking, that's the easy part and yes his assets are being depleted and I am assuming his attorney is aware of all the assets and the transfer to Medicaid will be an easy transition if the stepson didn't get his hand dirty in the process illegally. but that's on stepson and the attorney. I don't want anything to do with the financial part nor the stress of it. just some spending quality time with my dad in which I can take out of the facility for 1 day a week for family stuff with what little time he has left. PA does have a waiver program that he might qualify to allow him to be at home with DCW's to meet his needs, in which is my job now. I did work NH -dementia unit for a few years and now burn out. Thanks for your advice. it was a big help. I just have to live with my memories of my dad and let god handle the situation. I can tell my dad in the afterlife. I did my best. I am at peace with it. thanks
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Answer # 2 was well put and help me understand the Pros and Cons. I just have to accept that fact that the family interaction with him including myself is not going to happen which is the unfortunate conclusion for him and for all of us. I hardly spent anytime with him d/t distance and funds. He never flew out to see family and I did go out a couple of times in 20 years. his alcohol played into it a lot which is a whole another story that didn't help his personality and relationships. thanks and that did help me a bunch
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Your profile says your father has Alzheimers/dementia. If you have 15 (years I assume) experience as RN, you know that dementia patients that need cueing are not able to be left alone safely.
It is admirable that you want to provide care for your father and are concerned for his long term care and think his family in PA will help provide it.
Devil's Advocate here for Guardianship hearing with somewhat long post:
Your father and his wife live in Colorado near the stepson, not in PA. The relationship is a good one, as your father gave legal POA to stepson, not to you or any of the family in PA. Your stepmother died in CO. Your father's stepson as his POA places your father in Nursing Home: an at-risk dementia patient that doesn't have a primary caregiver living at home any more to provide one-on-one care which includes behavior management like cueing. Unless the stepson was living with them, your father would be staying at home alone after the death of his wife. As a dementia patient, the confusion, anxiety and grief must be overwhelming, not to mention any other medical events that an elder person may have. Even with paid caregivers for one-on-one care around the clock which would cost your father many thousands of dollars per month that he may not have and that Medicare will NOT pay 24/7, someone has to manage that household as well as their own, coordinate the windup of estate (if any) for stepmother, and determine care for your father. Your father may be on Medicaid in CO, if so it won't transfer directly to PA. Father may have a managed Medicare plan in CO that won't easily transfer – at the very least, his doctors, caregivers, and any social circle are in CO. A judge will look at who's been there in CO and managing day-to-day events for your father and who your father trusted enough to make his legal POA. Are you prepared to provide 24/7 care in PA? If the guardianship is acrimonious enough, you may both lose your father's care to a state-appointed guardian. And nobody wants that, because father will still be in CO. And paying whatever he does have in assets to guardian and nursing home/memory care anyway. A professional mediator can help or the social worker at the nursing home if your stepbrother and you cannot come to some agreement about your father's care by yourselves. If your father's welfare is your major concern, don't make a legal drama further deplete assets and traumatize an already fragile dementia patient. If you think father is being exploited, gather your own evidence of nursing home care where he is, financial situation of your father, and his medical conditions. You may find that stepbrother actually took a huge burden of care on himself that you are not fully prepared to take on. Would it be better to be in nursing home in PA? Would family there visit your father? Don't count on it.
Helpful Answer (2)

If I understand you correctly, you would like to contest your stepbrother's application for guardianship and secure it for yourself. Your plan is to remove your father from Colorado to your own state and provide for his care there, where his family will be able to have regular and frequent interaction with him. Yes?

There is nothing intrinsically wrong with this plan on the face of it. But.

Your question, seeking research to back up your argument, suggests that you are making a great many assumptions when it comes to deciding on where your father's best interests lie. Any court awarding guardianship is going to be looking at the whole picture and asking searching questions. Such as:

How long was your father's second marriage?
How long has he been living in Colorado?
What is his relationship like with his stepson?
Family aside, what kind of social network has he built up in his current location?
How long has the stepson been acting with POA for your father, and how well has he managed this job?
How good is the facility where your father has been placed?
How well would your father cope with relocation?
What plan is there to meet his long term care needs?

So that, all in all, you are going to have to have extremely convincing answers ready unless your stepbrother has been demonstrably falling down on the job.

My guess would be that your stepbrother is applying for guardianship because he doesn't want your father uprooted at this stage by his biological family and he wants to make sure you can't do that. Biological does not always equate to more familiar, especially not to a man whose memory deficits mean that continuity is essential to promoting his welfare.

There could be financial considerations too, of course, I wouldn't know. But going by what you've described, I don't think it's a fair or reasonable assumption that they're going to be your stepbrother's only or main motive.

And in terms of research, for every resource you find showing that lack of interaction (family don't come into it, it's who your father knows best that's the question) escalates dementia, your stepbrother would probably find ten to prove that the disruption and dislocation of such a major move could be catastrophic.
Helpful Answer (4)

Do you want to bring your father to PA? I am not sure what you want to do. That your father needs "cueing" by the NH staff hints to me that he needs 24-hour care. I'm not sure how the guardianship would be any benefit over the POA if your father is not presently competent and not combative. Are there family dynamics at play? Please let us know more.
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