As I read the many sad, sad, stories of guilt, fatigue, upheaval and resentment I ask myself, “Have you set up your future and do the kids know what you want?”
I definitely do not want myself or my husband to be a burden to my children ( 2 sons and a daughter), they have their families to raise. Fortunately we worked hard through our adult years and have resources and no debts. Property etc is in trust, one son is estate executor, also on checking account for notification of unusual checks and to be able to pay bills if necessary. He has copies of wills and trust and In addition, we have tried to consolidate any financial matters, accounts, etc and listed them so they are easily found. Medical POAs, DNRs also in order. Children also listed as ICE on cell phones. Now. The hard part. I want to make it clear that I do not expect them to take either of us into their home for care.
We are currently in our own home and as my husband is an invalid we have a daily caregiver. This is our choice, we are in our 80’s, no dementia so all is currently ok. Should circumstances change we want assisted living and then if necessary nursing home or whatever LTC necessary. I would feel terrible inflicting the burden on my daughter of caring for me or my husband and that is what I want most definitely to get across to them. I also don’t want them or our grandchildren to remember us as a burden.