My husband's family has a history of dementia. His grandmother, a great-aunt, and an uncle all had it and his mother just moved into full-time dementia care after 3 years of home care. For his mother and grandmother the dementia appeared very late, in their 90s. I am not sure about the onset for the other two family members except that the uncle's onset was much earlier. My husband and I are in our 50s and we've known each other for 20 years. He is fit and healthy with no addiction concerns.
He's never been good with time, not knowing if something happened a couple months ago or a couple years ago. We have started bumping heads over his lying about me (just to me, not to other people). There are 3 instances I can point to.
He is lactose intolerant. He drinks dairy-substitutes and I keep lactose-free milk for myself so I can use it cooking for him. I am not and have never been lactose intolerant. Occasionally he'll suggest I have a Lact-Aid pill with food, since it might have milk. He is convinced that I am occasionally bothered by dairy and that I have told him that before. I have never, never said that and I have no problem with dairy. He says I've told him before that I am bothered by dairy and often gets upset with me that I am always changing what I tell him I like and dislike from day to day. It is also one of the few instances where I can say with 100% certainty that I have never claimed to be sensitive to dairy. Other similar arguments on different topics have been making me question myself.
A few days ago he was making us dinner and was very angry with me about one of the potatoes being rotten. He accused me of putting a rotten potato in with the good potatoes to ruin them. I questioned his accusation and he said that it was "just like me" to do something like that. I got very angry and told him in no uncertain terms that I did no such thing. I don't even know where I was supposed to have gotten a rotten potato from! Later that evening he did apologize, which is extremely rare for him to do, but I was angrier than he's seen me since the cell phone problem below.
The worst and one of the earliest issues that scared me needs a bit of history first. He hates cell-phones, and we did not own one until about 4 years ago. I finally got one as a gift from my sister, but before I got it, he and I talked and agreed that we didn't want his family to know we had one because he didn't want them to be able to call while we were away from home. Especially his mom, who was not showing signs of dementia yet, but has always been quite clingy. I agreed completely with not sharing with them that I had a cell phone since I didn't want to have to field phone calls from them (we've always agreed that I "do" my family and he "does" his). About a year later, we had a big argument (we don't argue often). In the end he accused me of spending an entire visit at his mother's "playing on my cell phone". The problem is, whenever we'd been at her house it was on "do not disturb" and hidden in my purse. There was never a chance for her to ever see it or hear it or even suspect it existed. I never took it out of my purse while we were there. I know he's opposed to cell phones in general so I never "play" on it around him at all and keep it on silent when he's around. I have no idea where that came from or why he'd say such a thing. It was as outlandish and unrealistic as saying I ran in and punched his mother in the nose!
I really don't know what to think or what to do. I am hurt, scared, and frustrated at the entirely false and unrealistic accusations from him and I'm worried that they are increasing in frequency.