Is there anyway to force husband's Mother to get help?


I've written questions before about my husbands parents. Mother in law has un diagnosed mental illness or dementia. She is very agressive to father in law but he won't admit it and won't force her to get help. They are behind on mortgage and refuse to allow a realestate agent do an assessment. They refused my husband POA. I called adult protective services and unless she hits him and he calls for help they can't do anything but send a social worker to do a check. She is refused entry. We are refused entry. Police can't force mil to get help. Should we just let them be and take a chance at them dying in the house alone? They are the most frustrating people ever. Why do old people have so many rights?

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Thanks for the clarification! lol

Poor FIL! In many ways, he reminds me of my FIL. She sounds totally out of control and he is not safe with her being in such a condition.

What does your husband think about this whole situation? Has his mom always had "some mental problems?"

We sure have plenty of laws to protect the elderly, but we don't have any to protect them against themselves.

Certainly, some kind of intervention is needed, but I hope someone has an idea of how to get it legally done. Would a magistrate would listen to a plea from your husband and you that for her own safety and that of her husband, that his mom needs to be involuntarily committed for a complete mental and physical evaluation?

I've known parents with adult children who are mentally ill and have gotten out of control because they stopped their meds have done this and it worked. It's a painful thing to consider and to do, but that may be an option before things get much worse.

I've heard the phrase "emergency guardianship" mentioned here, but I have no idea about the process of how to get it.
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Their not there. The police have been. No way to correct.
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Oh sorry, no she's living with her husband in their own home. Maybe when I filled out the profile I thought independent living meant living independent of help- lol. Idk . No she has not seen a doctor for years. She refuses and has made and cancelled dozens of dr appointments. If you encourage her to go she becomes very upset and screams there's nothing wrong with me! She has alot of mental issues and or dementia( not sure with out proper diagnosis). She told my husband today that she didn't sleep last night because there were so many people over at the house last night. My FIL says no one was over. He refuses to get her help.she chases him and yells at him for stealing her belongings. Accuses him of cheating on her with Walmart employees ,hiding her phone, and leaving there doors open and turning off the alarm system so thieves can get in at night. The police has been over to the house repeatively but there is nothing they can do. She blames my father in law for everything and he's so passive he agreed to go with police on a 5150 himself. They let him go a few hours later. He refuses to force her to get help. He thinks he's protecting her. He says they are three months behind on mortgage but we don't know what to believe anymore.
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Misslauri, I'm confused which happens sometimes or it's my ADHD.

The profile reads " living at independent living and the primary ailment is alzheimer's / dementia." Is this someone different that who you are writing about living in a home with a mortgage they are behind on?

If so, what is her diagnosed mental illness? Has she been taking her meds? Has anyone contacted her doctor about her current behavior?

At hit and his complaint is not all that is needed. If she says things that lead you to believe that she is a threat to him, herself or anyone else, you can call 911 and have her picked up for an involuntary evaluation. If you wait for a threat to become reality, you will be too late. That social worker was wrong.
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Well unfortunately the letter carrier has conspired against my mil. According to my mil the " whore" that delivers the mail didn't bring it for three weeks. Then the " whore" snuck into their house and left four boxes of mail on the foot of her bed. She called the post office to complain and the police got involved. They apparently didn't find the letter carrier at fault. But left my in laws be.
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It is unfortunate that with so many apparent options for help, that something like this can occur and there's really no way to help.

I think your FIL could initiate intervention but he's probably used to your MIL's strong personality and by now just accepts it.

Is there any way that others, such as someone who brings MOW if they have it, neighbors, or the postal carrier can make casual observations and let you know to keep you informed? My sister and I relied on neighbors as advance warning systems when Dad was overworking in his shed, and I still have some who provide that assistance now as well.

Still, if your MIL won't admit help into the house, there's not a lot you can do.
Sorry, this is a tough situation and I think one of those that causes so much anxiety for the family.

But what does worry me is the delinquency in mortgage payments. If the mortgage is foreclosed, that foreclosure might actually go through without your MIL being aware of what's happening.

What you could do is contact the county register of deeds and ask who the mortgagee of record is, then begin the long route of contacting local bank offices to get to the division that handles residential mortgages. You might not be able to get any information that would be considered privileged, but you could ask that they take your contact information in the event the mortgage is declared in default. You might be able to intervene with your in-laws then, or at least try to find some way to prevent foreclosure.

And it may actually be possible for the mortgagee to gain access. Although I don't recall for sure, I have a vague recollection that mortgagees do have rights of access when property is in foreclosure.

Another thing I would do is research your state's mortgage foreclosure statutes to determine whether foreclosure by advertisement is the norm (vs. foreclosure by equity). If so, also check to determine what the redemption period is. E.g., in Michigan, the redemption period used to be 6 months for an occupied dwelling but only 1 month for a vacant dwelling.

This would give you an idea how long it would be before your in-laws would be evicted if the property were foreclosed.

Another possibility is that if you are able to get information from the mortgagee, it could assist you in gaining guardianship if you decide on that route. And I do think that if the mortgage is headed toward delinquency and foreclosure, it's time to take that big step toward guardianship.
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Misslauri, unless there is someone outside of the family that Mom-in-law or even Dad-in-law would trust and listen to, our parents usually won't pay attention to what we have to say.... remember, we are just the "kids" and what do we know :(

As Babalou said above, you will need to wait for a crisis. I had to with my parents.
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Elderly people have so many rights because legally they're a "protected class".
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Elderly people have so many rights because in the past, like the mentally ill and disabled, their rights were taken from them will-nilly. This is the correction. Perhaps the pendulum has swung a bit further than some would like.

The thing is this. You are not legally responsible for them. You have done your best to provide care for them, and they refuse. Would Dad leave and go to Assisted Living ? If he will, assist him in doing that.

Otherwise, yes, you wait for the crisis and do what needs to be done when one of them falls. You call the authorities and let the hospital get emergency guardianship so they can get the help they need. And yes, it's sad when elders don't trust family members.
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