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I have young children and one is special needs with epilepsy. Nothing matters to them. I had the flu once and they still wanted me to take her for the weekend. There is no talking with them or trying to come to an agreement. I'm willing to help but we can never agree. They are now going to take me to court and it will be put under 'visitation rights' just like in a divorce case with children. I will be forced to take care of my mom on the weekends. There are 2 other siblings involved but there reasons for not taking my mom on the weekends are legit in their eyes and my reasons are not. Any advice for when we go to court? My mom has made her rounds with all siblings and is ready for nursing home but it won't be for a while because the sister you has her now took her off the nursing home waiting list and there are some small issues holding it up for title 19. My mom wanted me as the conservator of person and estate but they wouldn't allow it. My brother was forced to do it and he is the one now taking me to court to help out during the weekends. He believe the court can and will legally make me do it. (visitation rights). I probably won't be able to see her if I don't help out. Any advise?

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Um. she can NOT force you into taking her.
She is full of BS.
What happens , in my case, is that someone becomes POA. they make the decisions. IF someone in the family can NOT take care of her, then they wont. End of story. NO Judge is going to force you into that. (my experience)

So what will happen? Your siblings take care of your mom. moreso if they have POA. They can NOT tell you when to take her, they CAN make decisions on WHEN you see her.

This is the case with my husband and his idiot brother.
Brother is single. no kids. works 4 hours away.
Brother never see's his mom. Brother decides when it is good for HIM to come visit. He is always late. like 3-4 hours late. SO my husband got POA. He helps his mom out HUGE. and now brother has to let us know when he comes visit at home.

UPDATE: My husbands mom is now in a facility. Brother CAN visit but CANT take her out as he ''kidnaps her' and never comes back on time. Police called once.
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Maybe Whaler has problem logging back using his/her name. Original post was under Junior1. Now, it's Whaler. If you're terrible with remembering your password, don't sign out of here.

@ Whaler, please try to keep to one sign in name. It won't confuse us. If you want to bump up your question for more people to see it, just respond to our comments.

The court cannot force you to physically take care of your mom. But just because we say this, doesn't mean you should relax. I'd get a medical certificate from your daughter's doctor of her epilepsy in the clinic's letter head and sealed in an envelope. I'd also keep track of what's required for your daughter's care, etc.... If possible, keep a daily journal of your day.

If you cannot watch have mom at all, then admit it siblings and to anyone who tries to force you. I like Jude's and the other's comments.
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I also think a letter from your daughters Dr that says she needs alot of care would be in your favor.. contact them sooner rather than later just in case. Good luck with this!
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When I was writing earlier, I remembered there was something someone wrote about some miscellaneous activity of the probate court. It sounds like they are also involved in guardianship of person issues, both juvenile and adults, as well as estate issues.
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I'm getting some good ideas from this post. I hope Whalers is too, but I see she hasn't been back since she posted on Nov. 2, 2015.

Just wanted to add a few comments about Probate Court jurisdiction. When I worked in Juvenile Court decades ago, it was actually a division of Probate Court. JC handled neglect and delinquent cases for juveniles, and had some role in adoptions, although it's been 50 years (gosh, has it been that long???) since I worked there.

Probate Court handled not only estate issues, but what were not so tactfully described as MI (mentally incapacitated or mentally incompetent) issues, as well as guardianship and estate issues.

It's quite possible that probate courts in different states have different areas of jurisdiction, especially if statutory authority was the creative legislation.
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Thinking about this the fact that your daughter has epilepsy could theoretically make it dangerous for your Mum to be in your care. What if your daughter were to have a massive fit and require hospitalisation?
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Not in all states Jessie Belle in some states the probate court is combined with the family court (mass for example) and they DO deal with visitation rights etc.

I am sure I have answered this before to Junior 1. I would confirm IN AN EMAIL that this is your idea of what is a sensible arrangement: Something like this

I think that I have good reason NOT to be the carer EVERY WEEKEND for I need to have quality time with my daughter who has a disability. It is important that we meet to discuss this . I understand and appreciate you would like all your weekends free for respite but I owe it to myself and my daughter to have some quality time together too and therefore I am not prepared to give up EVERY weekend to care for mum and lose out on Mum daughter time with MY daughter.
I would suggest that we look at the following options
PLAN A
WE share weekend care ....I WILL do 1 in (however many you could do) and these are the weekends YOU will need to share between you. If you can't come and care and I understand your reluctance to give up your freedom then we need. You might be able to accommodate during the week and if so you should mention it here to look at PLAN B
PLAN B
Mum pays for a sitter/carer to give you the break you need . If this ids not acceptable then
PLAN C
We have no option then but to place mum in care since her needs come before ours and her needs MUST be met. Once she is in care then I will visit her on these weekends and I expect you to visit her on these weekends - then even if you cannot go, you will know she is safe from harm.

As for being forced to care - I cannot think for one moment that the courts would suggest for one second that you should give up important mother daughter time

Unless you are a risk to your mother and regardless of her lack of competency to say whether she wants to see you or not then I think you may find they would find a problem denying you access - it's an isolation issue which is classed as abuse in most states UNLESS as I say you were regarded as a risk which you cannot be since they want you to care for her. Can't have it both ways
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Everyone raised the points I was considering. Probate court wouldn't be concerned with this unless some matter of the will or estate was involved. And a person cannot be required to work. The only case I can think of where a person can be in trouble for non-support is child support. Even then, the non-custodial parent does not have to visit or care for the child.

I don't think it is unreasonable for your sister to ask for help on weekends so she can have some time off. She can't require it, though.
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whalers, you mentioned Probate Court, but that said court only deals with estates for when one has already died. Therefore, your brother sounds like he is just messing with your mind.

The only time I have ever heard that someone has to take care of someone else is when there is a paternity suit and the father is bound by the Court to finance the care of the child until the child reaches a certain age.
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Something seems off here. I'm no legal authority by any means but I have never heard of a adult child being forced legally to take care of their parent(s). I'm thinking Pamstegma is right on the mark with money somehow being involved.
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In 2013, Connecticut has a new statute permitting debtors to collect from "transferors" or "transferees" if the resident was denied Medicaid because of a transfer of the resident's assets or property.
So if mom was denied Medicaid for a nursing home, due to assets being given to you, then the brother could force the issue in court and you may be ordered to pay for her care unless you pay back the full value.
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I don't know what state you live in, but I personally doubt that a probate court can order you to take your mother on weekends. I remember from law school that courts would not even enforce contracts for personal services - you could only get money damages - because it was deemed to be against public policy to force someone to perform services, even if they had previously contracted to do so. Too much like slavery.

I think your brother is blowing smoke. It reminds me of a woman who lived upstairs from my addict sister who told me that she and other tenants were planning to sue "the family" to take custody of my sister and remove her from the building. Of course, nobody in the family had the right or obligation to solve the problems my sister was causing with her neighbors.

All that said, if your mother is staying with one of your siblings, they can make it difficult or impossible for you to see her. I don't know if that's the case or not.
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Clarification: Whalers posted on this thread, asking the same question but with slightly less detail:

https://www.agingcare.com/questions/siblings-forcing-me-to-care-for-mom-184723.htm?cpage=6
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Let's back up here and get some background information.

1. Probate Court doesn't just accept any kind of lawsuit, nor does Circuit Court. Frivolous lawsuits will be dismissed quickly once the defense is involved, or in the case in which you're the defendant, either when your attorney files for a dismissal or at some kind of mediation when the Judge decides there's no merit.

2. I've checked your profile and see that you apparently answered one another post, but it's long and too time consuming to read, so I don't know of any other background you might have shared, which would be helpful to answer this question.

3. On what basis are your siblings insisting that you need to participate in help, and at specific times? What previous discussions have been had? what are the issues holding up nursing home admittance? I'm not really familiar with title 19 (I assume of the USC?)

4. And where are you getting the ideas of what you anticipate will be ordered of you? Have you been served yet? Have you filed an answer? Do you have an attorney?

5. A court would appoint a conservator; your siblings don't have control over that, so they can't not allow it - it's not their choice when there's contest over control. If the family were in agreement, you collectively could seek this, but otherwise, disagreement would prevent you from obtaining that authority.

6. Is it your brother who's filed a complaint against you or your "siblings"? How many people are involved in suing you? Why was your brother "forced" to be a conservator?

You don't mention anything about your financial situation, but if this suit is actually filed, you'll have to file an answer within a specified time (in Michigan it would have been 30 days), so you need to find an attorney, ASAP.

I'm sorry, but the situation is just too confusing and unclear to offer any advice on what's happening, because it's just not really clear what the situation is. If you can answer my questions, it might help.

You also need to let us know who if anyone has been named in a DPOA, and who if anyone is proxy under a health care POA.

Sorry if this seems abrupt, but so much of it just isn't clear.
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