I'm sorry but I was mean. Did anyone else lose your temper? I'm not sure I can live with this guilt.

I am caregiver to a drama queen - may sound harsh but it is true, so there are lost tempers on both sides. I have found that I have to be assertive in my family, and it's sad that I have to blow my top to get the point across but sometimes I have to. I am trying to learn to count to ten like my grandma did - but it's hard when you are the one who is held accountable for everything that happens

Wow, I have lost it and yelled at my Mom before,and felt terrible about it... But what do you do???? You are human, thrust into a horrible situation, and react.
The words hurt me a lot more than her, she had forgotten it 2 mins later.

Of course we have lost our temper! We love them but they can be maddening.

What you want to do, rather than wallow in guilt, is to figure out just why you lost it. Did they make a comment that hit a sore spot? Were you already feeling bad? You have to try to find a way to react better, but it's not easy.

It is very hard to apologize, but you can do it. With luck, they might even forget what happened.

If you come close to physical action, just leave the house for a few minutes. You really don't want that on your conscioence.

ande - sorry that your mum has passed and that you are left with some regrets. I think most of us have some regrets when a person passes. I call them the if only's and what if's. If only I had or had not done this or that...

You wrote that you heard your mum call your name. Whatever you did or didn't do I think she loves you and knows that you love her. None of us is perfect.

Please don't beat yourself up. Regrets are very much part of grieving the loss of a loved one. When you are ready you may want to find a grief group. I think most communities have them and they can be very helpful.

Hope things work out for you now. (((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))

Did your mother ever yell at you? Nothing to be guilty of here. I am sure she forgave you if she even registered that you were aggravated. No one has the patience of a saint. Remember the happy times and forget the rest. You did a good job and it is never easy

Liked your answer LivingSouth. You said it in a nutshell - it's hard when you are the one who is held accountable for everything that happens.

I resemble that comment. :)

everybody loses it sometimes in the face of such insanity. i told my mom once that i was a contractor with a broken truck, up to my elbows in head bolts and broken manifold studs and if i ever heard about her buick recall again id cram the car in a dumpster and burn it. idda actually done it'show pissed i was.

Your guilt may be a way of delaying grief. How were you mean, was it a constant, one time or many? Was there a reason, or you just weren't a perfect person? Forgive yourself, if you can't, seek help from a therapist. We all lose it. Just this morning I made my Dad feel like a fool. I have a migraine but it is no excuse. My words were mean and unkind. Do I feel guilty, no. I feel like an idiot, but I will forgive myself, strive to do better, and bend over backwards to give Dad a good day.

I am sorry you lost your Mom. You were there for her. That is what matters. Depression is genetic. Could this be depression?

Any caregiver has lost their temper. If they say they haven't, they're lying. Momcare, I don't know how you do it. My mom is 96 and going strong. Today at pickleball, I was talking with a friend and one of the other players has a mom who is 103. If my mom lives that long, I don't know if I can take it (or survive it) - and she doesn't even live with me!

Since your mom does live with you (or vice versa), you need to think about alternatives if you do get to the stage where you can't take it any more. If you get to that point, you're not a bad person...you tried. And that's all any of us can do.

I'm new here and I haven't read all the answers yet buut I lose my temper with mom pretty much every day. and it's getting worse and worse, as mom goes more and more downhill. She does not have Alzheimer's or dementia (so far thank god) and I feel bad for those who have to deal with that. But I can't take it when she leans on everything as she walks (from someone who used to walk everywhere to save bus tickets) and her sleep pattern is completely messed up, and I have to call her 4 and 5 times to eat breakfast and I am terrified that one day I will find her dead. I can't handle the twice-daily ritual of pill sorting -- it's like a drug addiction. I thought I was raised better than that. And when she goes to the doctor she tells the "Oh i'm fine there's nothing wrong with me, more pills pleae." Yesterday I sat in her clinic surrounded by screaming kids for THREE HOURS after being assured that she never waits longer than 5 minutes. I nearly murdered a couple of those brats.

I am an only child. Never married, always lived here with Mom (and with Nana when she was alive). Closest family lives in another province, hundreds of miles away, and we don't hear from them from one year to the enxt. the majority of my acquaintances (I have very few people I can truly call my friends) are extremely unsympathetic and encourage me to move out on my own. Never mind that I haven't had a full time job since 2012 and no job at all since June 2015. (One career counsellor refused to help me till I move out of the house.) Older people (e.g. people from our former church) tell me, "it's so nice you live with your mother and take care of her. those ones who move out and have their own life, they don't love their mother like you do."

Mom plans to live till 90! So I have another 10 years to endure this. I can't put mom in a home -- then she will have the pleasure of strangers yelling at her in French and being stuk in diapers. I am nnot only at the end of my rope but I have already tied it around my neck and looking to kick the chair.