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am caring for 91yr old dad..PTSD and early demential..i have cancer and stress is unbearable. i am caring for dad alone. i am stage 4 leukemia and lymphoma and need to take care of myself. i also have to work full time to take care of all financial responsibilites. i am so depressed and find myself getting angry, he does not have a clue and is very difficult to deal with. i could really use some support, get none from family

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hi jinx I guess I understand, thanxs. I'll message you - don't want to hijack paula's thread.

paula, I have no idea how you are doing this. I a wondering if any therapy is available as part of your treatment or if you have gone to a grief group. It may be too soon for you. Everyone has their own timetable. I found it very helpful.

There is a thread on Aging Care for Child loss - here is the link. You might want to browse through it. I know you will identify with much of what is said. https://www.agingcare.com/discussions/Support-group-for-death-of-an-adult-child-116159.htm.

((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
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I said sorry to you because you don't get to think that your mother is at least sort of a good person!

I wasn't intending in any way to minimize the severity of the loss or the horror of having her father say such a vicious thing. Sorry if it came out sounding like that.

Especially sorry to you, paulabeth, if my comments were hurtful. I have the greatest sympathy for you, with your terrible fresh grief.
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Hi jinx - not sure why you said sorry to me?

Anyone who has not lost a child has no idea of the stress and pain a bereaved parent goes through and how these comments hurt. I have heard from many bereaved parents how even much more innocent comments hurt. Truthfully a bereaved parent of only one years is hardly in a position to try to understand anyone else when their world has been torn apart and their life will never be the same. Maybe 5 years later and maybe not even then.

You have to have been there to understand... It is pain like no other.
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Any good online support groups for caregivers? Hello. Have you met us?

Just being sassy. You are having a real hard time. I have a daughter - 23 - who sometimes has a hard time with life. I occasionally imagine what it would be like if anything happened to her - then I quickly think about something else. God bless you.

I can hear those words coming out of my father's mouth, and I know why he would say such a horrible thing. It would cause him such misery to think about his dear little grandson being that unhappy. As a man, he would come up with something to say to minimize his feelings.

I don't say you should listen to him say it. Just realize that Dad is not purely being nasty, that he's hurting too. Then you can continue to think of him as a good, if clueless person. I want to think that my parents are at least sort of good people, if I can. (Sorry, Emjo!)

Please put your health first. Keep us up to date on how it's going.
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(((((((((paulabeth)))))))))))) I lost a son too aged 23 - over 11 years ago now. He was assaulted and died from the injuries You are going through a tremendous amount of stress. The pain of losing a child is like no other pain and the first few years are horrendous. I can't even imagine how you are coping, but I am sure it is very hard on your health. Please consider what we have written about finding some one/place else to care for your dad. Do you have any siblings? You certainly do not need to heard that from your dad daily, It is only adding to your pain and stress and you must get away from it. If I were you, I would tell him you do not want to hear that ever again! If he wants to talk about it he can talk with someone else, as it is too hard on you. (((((((hugs))))) I am so sorry you belong to the club of bereaved parents - the club no one wants too belong to.
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thank you so much for your support and helpful answers...I must tell you as well that my son who was 25 committed suicide a year ago, he had Aspergers and stress just overwhelmed him...i deal with Dad's feelings that he took the coward's way out from day to day...also have the family dogs who are both 15 and have cancer as well...jeezzz...it takes a sense of humor too...you all made me feel supported...thank you
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Agreed with pts that your health comes first - this is far too much for you to do. You must take care of yourself. What does YOUR doctor say about this? Contact your local Agency on Aging and Social Services and get a placement for your dad and have him moved as soon as possible. Your energy should be used in looking after you. I am so sorry that you are in this situation and have no family support, but, bottom line, you have to put yourself and your needs first. Blannie asked what would happen if you become unable to care for him? It is a good question,
I hope you get a quick solution to your situation so you can concentrate on you. You are under a huge amount of pressure and even venting helps. If you run into road blocks in getting this set up I expect there are some here who can help. Others have had to place their parent as it was too difficult to care for them. You are not alone. (((((((hugs))))))) Please come back and let us know how you are.
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Talk to his MD and explain your situation. You should not be saddled with his care, your own health comes first. It is time for him to move to a memory care facility as soon as possible.
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Have you contacted your local Area Agency on Aging to see what support is available in your area? There may be some resources to hep you like respite care, someone to come in a few hours a day to help with things. But to be honest there comes a point when it's okay to say you aren't in a position to be in charge of his care anymore. A nursing home is an option and you can still be very involved to make sure he is treated well. With the health issues you are dealing with it is okay and fair to put yourself first at this time. One thing to consider what will happen to your father in any case if you become unable to care for him?
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