I've learned how to get around mom's problem after 64 years of practice, patience and love, but loving someone with this disorder can be a challenge. Mom is 98 and has suffered with this all her life, as has anyone who loves her...or even just likes her. Now, at this age, I love her even more because she is so vulnerable and feels so helpless and useless. She was once a stunningly gorgeous woman and that was a powerful tool. I heard an apt description once of people like this...loves to hate, hates to be loved. My mom was the victim of the vilest kind of child abuse and neglect, so she comes by it honestly, I don't hold it against her. Anyone relate?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Thanks happyandchirpy! I am accepting that if people can be turned against one by someone so easily, and by someone any person with any emotional intelligence can see is manipulative, then they are just going to be off my radar! Genuine friends are what matters: family is so full of baggage and personal agendas. Hope you are okay and coping! Prayers gratefully accepted.
Helpful Answer (0)

From what I have read, a true Narcissist never changes or regrets. Its a personality disorder. They don't have the ability to see the other side.
Helpful Answer (2)

Add malignant and it’s the country.
Helpful Answer (4)

Hello Tekvah, I can relate to this. My mother has always had what our father used to call a Queen of Sheba attitude! It wasn't until later in life that I understood Narcissism and BPD. My brother was the black sheep of the family but we all suffered from emotional neglect except the youngest. I was estranged from her for a long time because of lies and the trouble she caused in the family pitching one member against another but now she is old and vulnerable and seems to regret some of her worst excesses (our father had a terrible life) I try hard to be loving and forgiving. However, the setting people against one another continues to be used for attention. What I find difficult is that long-distance caring (she lives in Scotland and I live in England) is very very stressful when I don't ever really know whether her calls for help are real or attention seeking. I too try to relieve the boredom of her days by trying to get her to join in social outings with people in her development but she thinks she is above them all - which she probably is intellectually and educationally - but her attitude to people makes them dislike her. I keep her supplied with knitting and crafting materials but like your mother, her eyesight is not so good. I am wondering how much longer she can live independently (with a careline and part-time manager in the development) but she won't hear of a nursing home at 99 years of age! Unfortunately my siblings all live abroad so I'm on my own here. I'm glad to have found this site to talk to others who have similar difficulties. Could your mother see well enough to do big knitting on big needles? Making blankets for refugees has been quite a purposeful thing for my mother to do, I have found - it is an idea a completely blind friend of mine suggested: she does knitting herself and all sorts of crafting activities with no sight at all.
Helpful Answer (5)
happyandchirpy Apr 2020
Hi BB! I can certainly relate to your story! FIL is a living nightmare. He and MIL live with us. He is Narc and BPD. MIL plays the ostrich. She hates conflict. FIL's lies have turned the rest of family against husband and me. He is almost 94 and the king of the world. These types are like vampires. Suck the life out of ya and live forever! I must keep you in my prayers.
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter