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My dad has always been very conspiracy theory and is a covert narcissist. His scowl alone has always been able to shut me down, paired with underhanded remarks causes a lot of shame. That's why my mom left when I was 11. My dad had a triple bypass in 2011 and became very angry.....never seen him so angry. He had another heart attack in 2018 and was not very pleasant.
He has been becoming more and more forgetful while refusing to believe he's wrong and violent toward my little dog who barks out of excitement when I come home. He is always kicking at him and I have no idea if he makes contact when I am not around but my dog acts hurt from time to time when I pick him up. Last week my dad shoved my dog off the back of the couch and hurt him to the point where I couldn't pick him up without him screaming. I thought it was his back but found out it was his ribs near his sternum. $150 vet bill later I find out luckily it's just bruised ribs. When I told my dad he hurt my dog he tried to blame my 8 year old at first, then after explaining what was wrong and telling him he did in fact hurt my dog he looked at me with that glare he does and said "so". No concern for my dog or the cost it incured me and could have invited me, which is strange because my dad has always been a very frugal person. I am so worried he will get worse. Not just with my dog but also my daughter. I don't have the money to pay to break our lease and when I told my dad he should move out he replied that I should move out. I'm sorry for the really long post, I just feel so lost and am hoping someone has some wisdom to share that might help. Thank you for taking the time.

It sounds like this is YOUR apartment, based on what you've said here. Meaning you can give your father notice that he is to leave within 30 days and if he doesn't, you can proceed to have him evicted, legally. Which is what I would do, in a heartbeat. If he as much as raises one FINGER to you or your daughter, call 911 immediately & refuse to take him back into your home. You may want to think about placing your dog with a friend until your father is gone from the premises, if possible. I used to live with an abusive man who'd take my dog into the closet and beat her. It actually bothered me MORE that he hurt my dog than ME. I left him after 2 of those occurrences, in the middle of the night, with my dog and the clothes on my back. And never looked back. You don't owe this man ANYTHING. Remember that. But you DO owe yourself, your child and your dog a safe and comfortable life in their own home.

Best of luck
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to lealonnie1
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This sounds like an untenable situation; if your dad has so little self-control, I can see why you'd be worried about your daughter as well as your dog. Do you think you need to worry about yourself as well?
Do you live in your father's home, or is he living in yours? How much care does he need? Could he live independently, or would he need to be placed in a facility? And would he be eligible for Medicaid?
I think these are questions that, when answered, could help people give you meaningful advice.
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Reply to EdithHankl
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If he is violent with your dog he may eventually be violent with your child, or you. Why wait for this? With dementia, minds get worse, not better. If he touches you or your daughter please call 911 immediately. This will get him out of your house and into the county's system. I'm assuming he hasn't given you durable PoA, since he sounds like he's been angry for some time. None of this will be easy, but it will be absolutely necessary -- you and your daughter come first, period. And your poor little dog... I'm so sorry for this stressful situation but you must act before it gets worse. If you do not have any legal authority to help him, there's not much you can do except to allow the county social services to gain guardianship of him so that he will get care and housing. I wish you peace in your heart.
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Reply to Geaton777
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You should not be living with this man. If he is in your place he must move. If you are in his you must move. He is abusive. If you need to call an Ambulance and plump up what is happening to get him to an ER on a 5150 hold for abuse, then do so, and refuse to take him home. Tell the EMTs that he is being abusive and you are TERRIFIED. Talk it up. Way up. Then let the Social Workers find him placement; do not agree he can come home with you. This is where you and your family live. It is not his home. I can't imagine why you took him in, but it is time to get him evaluated and get him out. The social worker will suggest they can help you and they can make it work. They can't. Ask the social worker to get state guardianship appointed for him if he cannot live along. Tell him you are in physical danger and he must be removed from your home.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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First sign of violence call 911. Emphasize you fear for yourself and for your child.  He likely will end up killing your dog, attacking you and your child if you do nothing.  Emphasize the very real danger to your child. Because it is very real.  Is the lease in your name? Can you talk to the landlord?  Please do not assume that nothing can be done, ask and keep asking. Make a huge issue of his violence. Legal Aid should be able to help you evict him. And meantime try to get your dog to a safe place. Do not downplay any of his abuse to the cops. Remind them that your child lives in your home.
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Reply to rovana
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sounds like its time to call 911, you have proof he hurt your dog, next it could be your daughter or you. Please think this through and don’t hesitate next time he becomes violent, because there will be a next time.. if they can get him to ER for his violent outbursts, do NOT accept him back into your home. Your first priority is to your child and yourself, not your dad..,,
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Reply to cherokeegrrl54
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Dad or no dad, I could not handle him abusing my dog. I would be afraid for myself and my child. He needs to go. I can guarantee if he is kicking the dog in front of you, he is doing worse when you aren’t around.

Please don’t allow this to continue. You did the right thing by taking the dog to the vet. If you keep the dog near him you are allowing the abuse rather than preventing it.

Rovana makes an excellent suggestion by finding a temporary home for the dog, preferably in a home but if you need to board the dog, do it!

You cannot excuse this behavior. This is negatively effecting your child. She is not going to understand. Please look into counseling for her. She is viewing adult circumstances through the eyes of a child. She deserves comfort and to be able to speak about her feelings.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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I would call the local council on aging. Explain that your fathers condition has worsened to the point he is becoming violent. Having already done serious injury to your dog, you fear for the safety of yourself and daughter. He must be removed from the home to a place where he and you can be safe.

he needs care that is beyond what you can offer now.
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Reply to Katiekate
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Once violence in the house is documented and you do nothing about it, do you realize that DCF can take your child away? You need to call 911 each and every time he gets violent. He needs psychiatric intervention for his dementia. Be a proactive parent. You already know he is dangerous. Documented animal abuse is also subje t to your local laws. Again, someone can be arrested.
Gst him to a hospital or get him arrested then apply for a restraining order
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Reply to MACinCT
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Did you and dad sign the lease? Read it. Is there an "out" provided in cases of abuse? Do you have a friend you could stay with? Have you called social services for assistance. You may qualify for income based housing. One way or the other, one of you needs to get out of there.
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Reply to gladimhere
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