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You have to read this. I have 2 young children and a fiance. I have been out of my mother's home for ten years (since high school). A few years ago, the building that she was living in, went into foreclosure and they all had to leave. She ended up staying with a "friend" who ended up putting her items on the curb. Dead wrong for that. Then she stayed with me for about 2 months until she found an apartment and job.


After a year or so, she then was going through an eviction (45 days) so I referred her to a place that would pay half your rent but you have to do something for the city like 2 hours a week. She didn't want to do that. I also applied for food stamps in which she didn't want to go and get it. I know right. Smh. Then we were looking up sublets or rooms for rent. She was too picky. She finally got evicted and I referred her to the shelter. She got mad at me but I kept trying to help her and she kept being picky because she wanted to stay with me. Then she stayed with a crazy "family member" who went crazy and she left.


Now, prior to the eviction, she got into a car accident in which she got a $25000 settlement. So with that money, instead of her getting a better car and apartment after she left his house, she spent it on hotels. Here's the good part. She says she refuse to get another apartment and she's waiting on God to give her a house. Smh. Now I believe in God as well but He doesn't want us to make stupid decisions. We went looking for houses to buy before all her funds were gone but her budget was low and her standards were too high. Now, aint nothing wrong with setting standards but you have to start somewhere and get in where you fit in.


Now that all her funds are gone, she's back at square one. It's selfish for her to do that because she wants someone to worry about her. She says she doesn't need sympathy but she knows people care. She wants things done her way instead of the realistic way. A lot of people tried to convince her to get an apartment and she refused. Now she's on the streets. I tried to get food stamps. She didn't want to go there and make sure they're on top of the job. When she was working, she could have got rid of that old busted car and got a new one but no she want to keep it and now the car is damn near gone. It's 18 years old. I just can't and she makes me feel bad but thats how you decide to live your life.

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Luv, You can never do enough for your Mom. You are going to stress out trying to and you have your own responsibilities. Has Mom ever been evaluated for a Mental problem? Keep to your boundries. Like I said to CM, don't bring that negativity into ur home.
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To Country Mouse, looks like the OP did help her with services but she "chose not to use them". Sounds to me the mother feels "entitled". She is "above" any help. She wants the OP to do it all and even then, it's not what she wants or will, do. There is no pleasing her. The system is not letting her down, she is refusing to use it. So, whose fault is that. If OP is 28 then the mother is in her 50s. Not old. There are agencies that will, help but u have to do it their way to get the help. She could have had half her rent paid for 2 hrs out of her week. There is no pleasing this type of personality and I would not want that negativity around my family. It brings everyone down.
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Countrymouse Nov 29, 2018
Her personality, or mental illness exacerbated by injury, with some chicken-and-egg going on?

I wouldn't want her in my house, either, and especially not near my kids. But I don't think it's rational to require mentally ill people to conform to rules or reasonable to blame them for their attitudes.
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Hang on.

After some turbulent years, your mother was living in her own apartment and holding down a job.

Then she was involved in a car accident, with injuries that entitled her to a $25K settlement.

Then it all went belly up, she stopped paying her rent, she lost the apartment, she blew the money on hotels - what happened to the job? Did the accident force her to give it up?

You absolutely are NOT wrong to refuse to expose your children to living with their highly problematic grandmother. Your mother cannot move in to your children's home.

But it seems to me that your mother has been badly let down - not by you, but by systems which were supposed to support her. Does she have a social worker, a case worker, an advocate, anybody that you're aware of?
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Nope. Don't enable her. She will have no incentive to stop making these bad decisions or to do for herself as long as someone does everything for her. Tell her you will take her to a shelter if she so desires. There are women's shelters in some places that also provide help with job searches, housing placement, and getting back on your feet when and if she is truly ready for help.

Besides, your children and fiance are your first priority. She can't expect you to give up your family life to cater to her every whim.
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No you are not wrong. Stick to your guns.
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