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I think the main source of hatred amongst the elderly is the aging process itself and loss of control in so many areas. I realize some parents have never been loving and certainly can't now. My mother is not at all evil but at times seems distant and shut off. In general I feel this is directed at me. I think she is frustrated at all that is going wrong. I sense she feels bad that I have to help her with so much. It's all an endless cycle. She can frustrate me. I react at times less than ideally. She then closes off. I then feel bad and try to compensate. Sometimes we cycle back to a more positive state. But there is likely to be a time again that this may repeat hard as I may try to avoid it. Sometimes I pick her up to take her somewhere and she just generally seems unpleasant but I sense it stems from a frustration at what her life has become.
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Reply to Riverdale
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Tiger55 Nov 28, 2018
True, but the ladies at my mother's lunch table are so sweet, & always smile at me! My MIL is 91 (in nursing home) & still laughs, also says 'thank you' frequently. I think some elderly make a choice & an effort to be positive, while others cannot adapt, & don't try to be grateful for anything. (I hope I'm like my mother in law, & nothing like my 'mother'.) Yuck.
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Yusoff , if your mother has dementia, she is not capable of pretending or faking things. Read some of the articles and posts in this site about what people with dementia behave like. Also, if you are her son, she may not want you to bathe and toilet her. Unfortunately, poor hygiene contributes to urinary tract infections and that can cause the person to act out and become combative. Look into getting a bath aide for her. Medicare should cover it.

If she has has not been to see her doctor, she needs to go. There are many medications now that can help with these behaviors.

And don’t take her bad treatment of you personally. She may be angry with herself for what her body and mind are doing to her and taking it out on you.
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Reply to Ahmijoy
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Yeah, that's my life.
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Yes and I think my mother has Narcissistic personality disorder - the dementia just makes it worse. She does thank me, which she used to not do, but she has no conscience at all about constantly ordering me around and blaming me for whatever has her ticked off at the moment. I have started just walking off.
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yusoff Nov 22, 2018
thanks,i really feel sad sometimes but just have to continue looking after her.
she never listens and now her personal hygience is bad too.
she also like to tell lies now and create stories on my other siblings but they never comes to visit. she will always praise them more but none of it is true.
now i do not talk mush to her because she always have this fierce look and always like to argue back to me... she is not very helpful too.
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Folks with dementia usually blame the person caring for them for all of their problems. Does your mom have dementia?
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Tiger55 Nov 27, 2018
I wish I knew whether my mother had dementia or not. I asked her nurse to ask the Dr. (But nobody ever got back to me about it.) Maybe it doesn't matter to her care at A.L., but it matters to me, cuz I have to hear all the nasty-crazy, & I'd like to know if it's caused by senility or whether she simply hates my guts. 😬
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