I am the only sibling that lives close to my parents. Dad is 86 and no longer drives which leaves Mom (78) to drive him to all his Dr. apt's and everything else. Combined family of his 6 kids and just 2 of us for Mom. I do as much as I can and even lived with them for about 8 months while I was remodeling my home and lived there about the same amount of time 8 or so years ago while in transition. I include this info as I have invested in the upkeep of their home maintenance well beyond my siblings as well as their personal business and care, etc, etc. Since I am the only one who lives close (all others are in other states) I am the one to check in on them, come over for household issues, cleaning, I am the one who watches the house, dog and cats when they visit other siblings also. Basically, they can't travel without me volunteering to take care of everything while they are gone as well as getting them to and from the airport at whatever time my siblings book them. However, traveling is getting harder on them and I doubt there will be much more of it after this upcoming trip.
My blood sibling, sister, made a comment to me when I was last staying at our parents house that I should be paying rent because she and Mom shared a house and rent many moons ago in a much different situation. (they have a reverse mortgage so there isn't a house payment and I paid for many things while I was there). The audacity of her to suggest I pay to stay in my parents house while taking care of so much caused me to cut off communication with her. We have had a lifetime of issues with each other already but had a few years of peace until that conversation.
Anyway, so my parents need help with more and more, Mom is getting more tired of being the only driver in the house and having to do every thing around the house. Dad hasn't even taken out the trash in years and he is very messy so Mom has to do more. Basic housecleaning is challenging, let alone cooking dinner. I feel very guilty for not being there more to help and I know things aren't going to get easier for them. Siblings come to visit once in awhile but don't seem to understand that now means you should come to HELP not, 'be on vacation'.
We live in a pretty remote area, so I am not sure about local senior services in the home that might help with yard clean up, mowing or house cleaning which is basically what I am concerned with at this time. I know most of you have much bigger challenges, so I appreciate anyone who is still reading and not getting ready to throttle me for being a pansy. I know this is part of life, but I am worried if I am up for this and need advice moving forward. Maybe a little support in my concerns as my siblings say to 'just get Mom a wheel chair' without any notion on having to retrofit the house, who will help her get around in it, will she still be able to drive, etc. Who do you ask for help in moving through these transitions? How do you navigate emotionally when your the only one actually helping the situation?
Thanks for listening!