My husband and I are 39 and 40 years old and have been married for 12 years and we have 3 children and 2 have developmental delays. We live in Texas and I’m a stay at home mom now since last year. At the beginning of pandemic in 2020, my husband began to talk about moving his 72 year old mom in. He is her oldest and only child living in the state. She has another son who is out of the country. We live a in 3 bedroom rancher so we didn’t have space to move her in at the time. Well, about 3 months ago my husband told me we are putting our home up for sale and he’s going to build a home big enough to move her in. He never once asked me if it was ok. She can barely walk. She still drives but she shouldn’t. She just fell again last week when I was visiting her and I couldn’t help her. I had to call her nephew who lives nearby to come over and pick her up. What if she falls again after she moves in with us? I think she needs to go to the nursing home where they have the equipment and staff to take care of her but my husband is dead set against it yet he’s not going to be the one caring for her and the children. Our new home is going to be finished by the end of year and instead of feeling excited, I just feel like this is going to be a mess if he doesn’t get her some home health workers over. I can’t take care her by myself.
Why wish? He can't possibly know unless he learns. Why not educate him? Show him this forum or read to him some of the posts you think that will him open his eyes. Look around this forum, you will find posts from other people seeking help for problems dealing taking care of elderly.
Ask him to talk to his cousin who is taking care of her 80 y.o. mother. Ask her what the issues she encounters, how stressful it is. Or if he's hesitant, ask his cousin to call and talk to him.
Seems like MIL is moving in and once in will not move out no matter what. Nothing is going to change that. Your husband is setting that in stone (or cement and concrete in the new house.) I hope it's not your prison he's building.
Your best option is to get inhome help so that you don't carry the burden all on your shoulder. But first you need to MAKE your husband understand how hard it will be. He won't wake up one day and suddenly understand.
I get the feeling that you are a bit afraid to talk to your husband. If that is true, say so, ask us how to approach him and we can give you suggestions how to handle that. If that is not true, I apologize.
Hugs 🤗