So I told my mom I’m moving out. Didn’t go well at all. She finally came to terms with it and my boyfriend backed out. Said that he didn’t feel comfortable knowing that I might possibly have to still go help out at the house from time to time when we were to move out. Basically saying being still attached and stressed. So I can’t move out until I get everything situated but my mom won’t give in to getting a new caregiver and her friend that comes to help from time to time is in her ear telling her she doesn’t need a caregiver. The VA also isn’t much help can’t get in contact with her doctor. This is the second doctor she’s had and all of them aren’t any help. I was trying to get PT and OT in house. She had an appointment for tomorrow and it got pushed back till the end of March. I don’t know what to do. I’m stuck.
First thing you should do is contact the Patient Advocate Office at the VA and get some help with connecting with her doctor.
Also find out what services your mom is eligible for. I know they have caregivers that will come in several hours (in many cases it is a set number of days per years but I can not recall how many days it is)
Also find out what her level of "service connected disability" is . She may qualify for a lot of other services. And they keep updating the qualifications.
Also find out if she is eligible for more rehab both OT and PT.
The next thing you do is start letting mom do as much for herself as she can. Even if she struggles a bit. This can be difficult for her and for you but she needs to know what she can do.
The caregivers are not there JUST for your mom but they are there for you as well. You need to get out, get away, take a break. Caregivers are there so that you can do that. They are also there to do some of the work so that you are not swamped. Light housework, laundry, keeping mom engaged so that you can do other things.
It's a tough situation. Take small steps, towards moving. And tell mom this is what you want. She needs to find someone to help.
If you need to go help a bit, that's fine. But don't get stuck there.
Wish you all the best
Does your Mother have a case manager or any social worker you can get support/advice from for her needs & situation?
I was told these 2 things from a social worker (regarding family members who lacked insight regarding their care needs);
1. Everyone is entitled to their OWN life journey. You can share time together but do not both have to be living THEIR life. You can live your own life.
2. Advise what you will & won't do for them. Suggest alternatives. Let them decide. The consequences will be theirs.
When I gave notice on certain tasks, my relative pushed back but did eventually give in. Now happily calls a taxi, uses Aides & calls EMS for falls. (The alternatives of staying home, staying dirty & staying on the floor all had to be experienced first).
I moved back to my family home thinking I'll help out my mother and save some money and move out that was almost 5 yrs ago. I regret ever coming back here!! Sigh!
Why doesn't your boyfriend want to move out? I would think he would want some privacy.
I know I sound harsh, but speaking from experience, nothing good will come out of this! Stick around and read through the posts. You'll read some pretty bad nightmare post. Had I found this forum before I moved in I would never had done it! Like posters say here "it will only get worse" and it does!
Welcome to the forum. Others will be on here and help you!