My parents want to leave me 100% of the inheritance but only if my brother is Trustee of the living will. My brother is a cognitive (very accomplished, no obvious grandiose ego but very entitled), covert (no outright belittling or raging around others), and altruistic narcissist (helped and some others a few times financially but used this giving as license to demean and talk badly about the others, and as a weapon to torment me using finances - which seem to be his only currency). He would be getting my parents' house but has "generously" offered to allow me to inherit any money that is left upon their death, as long as he is trustee.

My parents think he is the greatest and say he should be trustee because he's financially responsible (I am not irresponsible, I have a lot of student loan debt but no credit card debt), because anyone else would charge me (bro says he will do it all for free) and because they also think anyone else would cheat me (even banks because they are not family). I do not want my brother as trustee and have a long history of emails demonstrating his hostility toward me. If I do not "submit" (my dad's words) I would not get anything, though, so I need some advice on how to not get disinherited or be under my brother's thumb after my parents' passing.

What should I do besides just turning it all down? I am advocating for the trust to at least include "shall’s” instead of “may's” as much as possible so little to nothing is actually at my brother's discretion. What are some examples, if any, of discretion my brother may have that are not "in the fine print" or I may not be informed of? Is there any evidence of hostility toward me before/after he becomes trustee that can be used to change trustees if this hostility isn't directly related to how he manages the trust? Any other recommendations? I am going to take a copy of the Trust to a lawyer that my family isn't working with or know about to review before it is signed, but I would appreciate any other tips or heads up.



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Boy, no chauvinism here. So, any money that is left after both parents die will go into a trust for you that brother will have controll over. So, there maybe money but you may never be able to get to it? Will there be a stipulation that you will get a certain amt a month figuring in inflation maybe? To me its damned if you do and damned if you don't. If you don't allow brother to be trustee than you lose, if you do, he controls you for the rest of ur or his life. Not much of a choice is there.

How old are ur parents? How is their health? They may end up in nursing facilities that take all their money. At 5k to 10k a month it goes fast. Then if either of them needs Medicaid, there goes the house eventually because Medicaid allows you to keep it but won't allow SS or pension to pay for taxes and upkeep. So unless brother wants to use his own money the house will need to be sold for their care. And no guarantee he will get reimbursed. If the house doesn't sell and brother uses his money for upkeep, Medicaid will put a lean on the house. He can then sell the house to satisfy the lean or pay Medicaid what is owed to keep the house.

Truthfully, I think you will be getting into something you may not be able to back away from. A trust can be dissolved or changed. What if it comes to "you won't get anything unless you take care of Mom and Dad 24/7. And brother has POA for both parents and controls the finances and won't give you enough to care for them. Is it better to just say no now?
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As has already been pointed out most people need all their assets to pay for care as they age, first the cash and then the house once that is depleted. My first instinct is to say cut your losses and walk away from this toxic ball and chain, but if there is a large amount of money involved it might be worth it to get advice from your own independent lawyer and have them do the negotiating.
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What exactly (how much?) are you going to inherit? Is it worth the stress?

So your brother gets the house and you get...what? And why does your brother "allow" you to get an inheritance? Shouldn't this be decided by your parents?

What is your parents' living situation right now? Are you their caregiver (this is a caregiving site, after all)?

Since you have lots of student loan debt, I can see how inheritance money will be important for you. But you have to weigh the amount by how much stress it will cause you.

And that monetary inheritance may be whittled away if your parents need it as they get older for caregivers.
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Why are you allowing your father to control you?

Walk away.
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