My husband has always insisted on separate checking accounts. My income being significantly less than his, he has been giving me money to help me meet my clothing, medical, and personal care needs. We were "sharing" in the purchase of groceries and gas. He recently had an illness that included severe sepsis. He forgot a couple of the normal bills for 2 months causing problems and was going to the bank asking for help balancing his checkbook. This is something that has never happened before! When he was working, his job required him to do complicated calculations and he did it with no problem. Since his last illness, he all but refuses to help with groceries, meals out, or gas. I have POA paperwork but it will be a real fight to get that checkbook away from him, even though I cleared up the forgotten bills debacle and put everything possible on automatic bill pay. He is no longer as open to my help. He doesn't want to relinquish any more control to me. We've been married over 40 years and I've never been irresponsible with our finances. He has to have "control" over the money.
I can imagine what a face slap this is for you as his wife of 40 years.
His selfish refusal to share with groceries, meals out or gas is ridiculous. You may wish to consult with a divorce attorney to protect yourself. He won't be thrilled to hear about community property either.
Please see a lawyer to protect yourself. He will only get worse.
There is no reasoning with dementia so letting him do withour because he refuses to contribute will help nothing. Getting divorced can though. A new trend among senior couples is a 'Gray Divorce'. There are differet types of this. One kind is a couple divorces (yet remains living together) because one gets dementia or some other catastrophic illness and needs to be put into residential care and the assets are not protected. So after a divorce settlement has been made, what remains to the sick spouse is what care will be paid for with and the other spouse's share cannot be touched.
'Gray Divorce' can also be a good thing for a person in your situation who is dealing with the asinine stubbornness of a demented spouse who also has control of the lion's share of the money and assets. People should always have their own bank accounts even if they're married. There must also be joint accounts that both contribute to that go towards the supporting of the household.
Please for your own sake and sanity, visit your husband doctor and get documentation of his dementia and incapacity. You may also have to petition for conservatorship over him. Then he won't have any access to money and shouldn't. Consult with a divorce lawyer or an elder law one. It can't hurt to just talk with these people. Good luck.
Keep track of what's going on financially. Have a check list, so you're not missing stuff in the fine print of documents. The Devil is in the details. Good luck.
This is in regards to your situation not the answer you answered.
Have you considered going online and putting a block on your husband credit?
I had to do this for my father whom has dementia so that a sibling could not open a credit card or apply for loan etc etc in my father name.
Sadly, due to his diagnosis he may not understand or accept this.
I would read the POA & see if you already have the power to act. If the POA is a 'springing' type, you may need a medical letter to enact it. Once that is done, arrange access to all accounts with the Bank. Simplify or change the accounts as needed. It won't be easy (Banks are notoriously difficult) but once set up, you'll have the access you need to run the hosuehold.
Having a small account in your Husband's name (with you also listed as POA behind the scene) may be an idea. He can collect those statements to look over.
PS You may need a type of *therapeatic fib*. Eg The bank has a new deal, or a new type of account.