When my mom moved here in Oct of 2018, with the exception of the "pain doctor" she wanted me involved in her doctor appointments, right down to filling out all the forms because she can't write very well anymore and doing the leg work to get all her old records transferred, etc. That all changed when she got the results of her neuro-psych eval with me in the room, and I agreed with the doctor that it was time to stop driving. That's also when she got her dementia diagnosis.
She got around the driving issue by getting an out of state license but it drove a wedge between us because I tried to stop it and reason with her, which was met with nothing but rage and anger. A lot of this occurred when she was away this past summer, but the fighting about it on the phone was a huge drain. I finally had no choice but to give up. So she still drives.
Last night my husband and I were at her place visiting and she started talking about one of her recent doctor appointments. It was a follow up to the MRI's she got due to the (supposed) abdominal pain that caused an ER visit and admission. Everything was clear. Literally nothing wrong with her. She kept saying she couldn't remember all the details and my husband causally said I should just go to the appointments then she wouldn't have to worry about remembering. Her response in a VERY nasty tone- "That's not gonna happen!". I didn't say anything but my husband asked- "Why? She's a nurse, she goes with me", and my mom started in with some nonsense about how I went to the doctor who didn't want her to drive and it caused us a lot of fights. My mom was escalating this simple conversation with my husband and I started to get angry, finally I said to her "If your so capable of taking care of your own business then why did you move here?" Quite frankly imo it was and is a valid question.
With that question she flipped out and told us to GET OUT! So we left. As we're leaving she's hissing "I don't need anyone to go to the doctors with me", and before I could stop it I said- "Yeah especially that pain pill doctor". And then we were out.
I came home stunned. Biggest mistake I ever made was agreeing to this move. My entire life has changed for the worse (understatement) and I have to bite my tongue and ignore things because it might upset mommy dearest but she can dish out all the crap she wants and treat me like a personal servant for all the MANY things she needs. And this sudden need for privacy with her doctors - I know it's about two things, protecting her opiate addiction and wanting to hide her dementia diagnosis. It's like she hates me because I was in the room and heard it.