I will try to make this short.
Mom - 88 last stage Alzheimer's Disease
Father - 88 Primary Progressive Aphasia (Advanced

Two Sisters
One (Husband Died 10 years or so ago), will not speak to me. We used to be roommates.
Other sister (speaks) only because I am also happily unpaid caregiver my father whom broke ribs. (20 hours per week)

I also work full time as a pcaregiver. and Household management.

Then the son D,. 31 years old, married, daughter, will not call me answer emails.
He started to last year, after he needed things.

Number 1:

I was raised in a very dysfunctional home. Mother alcoholic, I was 7. Sister #1 got married, disappeared. Sister #2 said, I am out of year (obviously older than I) and went to college.

Dad was a very successful President and CEO and Engineer of the Year.

I get it, Alcholism is a disease, I actually after my father really sharing his emotions, 20 years later, before he became ill, understand the hopelessness and isolation my mother felt. However, it was her choice to pick up the bottle.

At the age of 23, when she dropped my son on his head, I was devastaI found intervention. She became clean and sober at age 55. My mother regardless of drinking or not, is and always will be my best friend. My sister's wanted nothing to do with it. They stated 10 years ago there tremendous guilt for leaving me helpless at 7 years old.

My sisters have always had a bit of issue with life. Which I was too young to know the word.

However today, sister #2 husband died, (10 yrs ago.) decided that life is better without the sister, that is the unpaid caregiver.

Today was Thanksgiving at my mother's assisted living. I chose because I have a great amount of compassion not money, to pay for everyone that showed up, because my father with this disease, does not know the difference between $1.00 and one million dollars. I wanted him to have the best time. I was not expensive, it made his day, that was worth it.

Today the joy was. My mother and father were the happiest together I have seen them in a long time. Keep in mind they are married, my father because of the severity of her disease just cannot for his health reason live with her. I take him there three times a week (unpaid, and that is perfectly fine). When I asked the oldest sister (alone), what is the participation of sister #2 in helping, she just about blew up and stated that was none of my business and walked away. Ok.

Today was the hardest day and best day of my life.

Hardest, because a few years ago my sisters said they had no room in the family for me.
My older son's involvement:
However, I have since found out that the 31 year old son, who has totally abandoned me, his father, his father's brother, has disowned his father and I because of the divorce when he was 3. Really???? My son talked to me every day up until 2009? I don't buy that.
But people, the pain, the emotion. (There are many of us)
I went to this Thanksgiving, and I fed my parents while the other two daughters talked about life. I helped my father sit down, as he is almost blind, and had a smile. I am truly very grateful to do this, and have compassion beyond belief.
I also took care of my mother at dinner.
My sister and her daughter and granddaughter showed up and did not acknowledge me. I said, hello L. , nothing. Wow. ok. Let me keep remember D. this event and everything I do regarding my family is for my parents.
Yes, seeing the granddaughter really was emotional, as my mother does not have any memories, except she said out loud as I held her hand the entire dinner.
I am so glad I had one beautiful daughter in life. She means the world to me.

Well, that is a last stage Alzehimer's patient. I visit them, I see them, my father lives with my sister, and she is never there. I spend 20 - 30 hours a week with him. Why, they raised me, they did the best they good. I found an interventionist for my mother, and she has been sober for 33 years. A person with true compassion and the love of forgiveness realizes that I will take on traits because I lived as a child in a helpless situation, but that is up to me to get over.
Most parents to their best.

I feel I did. I do not drink take drugs, I never went out because I was a full time working mother. My kids, were the happiest thing that has ever happened to me.

Unfortunately, I married men, and counselors believe due to the dysfunction of my childhood (which is nothing to blame, it just is), that needed mothers, and they did.

I am divorced to two men. I have one child, extremely bitter, and he had a good live. I worked very hard to see that I was there for him, I made sure that he and I and his brother went to church, and the youth group was a great place for him.
He went to third world countries.
I paid for him to go to college.
I have a younger child (whom calls me every other day), his father and I are divorced also, because continue

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I have spent hours talking with my ex husband about our son. He abandoned him years ago. It is really "entitlement" and if his parents were not perfect and did not give him everything, go away.

Of course, he married a gal and money is endless. When we die, money does not come with us. Money is a way to survive, some have it much harder than others.

Also, the only person's outlook I can change is my own, and by talking and continuing to love the two people that need me to even not fall down when sitting, means the world to me.

Interestingly enough my mother stage four alzheimer's when we were eating the thanksgiving at her assisted living memory care, she stated, as I said, I am so glad my daughter is here. The other two dismissed her years ago because of the drinking.

I am a very forgiving person, that is in my DNA. Also, my mother did not cause, create, and cannot cure it. She was in treatment at 55 and came out to be the mom I never had and have had the most of joyous times, even with Alzheimer's.

cwillie, I have had therapy psychologist, because I know in life we cannot change people we can change the reality of our outlook. The therapist stated, you will find in life that those whom are not blood related at times can be our families that we have made in life that truly care a love us for the things we do and the compassion. No Judgment.

Thank you so much

I think life has handed you lemons, but you just have to deal with it as it is. It must be heartbreaking to have a child who not only rejects you but is hostile, ditto for your sisters. The fact that you have a son you are friends with and have a good relationship with your parents does not negate the hurt, and I'm sorry for that. The best you can do is live your life well, look ahead and hope for the best but don't pin your hopes on anything to change.
Have you ever had any therapy to help you understand all this?

I went to counseling, as the 2nd husband was an alcoholic, which is very common when you are in love to ignore the warning signs, and also need a mother to follow him around. I accepted this, and took the pledge to work on myself, which I have.

My issues,
The abandonment of my son is completely insane, if you read my older posts, some of you think I am leaving pieces out, no no no.
I have talked to many people and they are thinking that he has created a story and if people meet me, that will make him questionable to him.

I am highly educated as his father is, we made sure our son received the best of everything, when we divorced, we were very amicable, but at age 3.

Then he went to Jordon called me everyday, when he stepped off the plane in 2009, never has called, or talked to me since.
Therefor this Thanksgiving, I am with my parents the only reason I went, and 7 other people that could not even say goodbye Debbie.

I realize I have created a great life outside of my blood family, and I will say they love me more than I have ever been loved by my own sisters. (my parents regardless of their life issues always loved me).

My son was always labelled a very dramatic theatrical child in school.

I had 5 grand map seizures after hitting my head on some ice on a vacation, and was taking medication that made me slur, and that was of course temporary, but why can a son be so judgmental. 6 years later, without being with my family, I am a very successful happily married woman to a man that loves me dearly.

And if any of you say stay away from your family. I do. The only time I am with them, and they and I come by choice is Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner at the Assisted Living Place, because I have a tremendous amount of respect for my parents, and will always have that.

So with all of that said, besides stay away, how does a mother cope with the pain, other than on this website.

I was not perfect, but I was an excellent mother, he told me that on his Graduation Day.

There have been rumors that the city he went into my son in Jordon, has now been not allowed to go in by u.s.a. peace corps volunteers. He came back looking like he was on a concentration camp.
However, it is more than that. I offered counseling. NO. I offered to meet with the entire family. NO.
I even was planning on putting a sum of my savings into a G.E.T. program for my granddaughter. He would not give the financial advisor her Social Security Number.
Therefore the would be 100,000 tax free money in 18 years had to be put in another fund which I will give to her if she ever knows about me.

People, I am not odd, I am a good, excellent person, everyone that I know that I speak with about this is "speechless", they feel my sisters have always had a resentment about my mother, and also because when I was growing up and they were gone, and my father was more successful, he enrolled me in ice skating, partly to allow me to be in an environment where alcohol was not a fear and major part of my life.
In the past, my sisters would call me excessively 10 times a day how do you do this, how do you do that.

So thanksgiving came for my mom and dad and went, and the most important thing was "they had one of the best days I have seen in the last two years" That is awesome.

If anyone of you have had similar situations with sisters, and we won't even get into the Executor part, do you have an constructive advice.

Also, as a mother my heartstrings are being pulled. I do not contact him. I did by email and said "please call me, I would like to talk to you." That was the first time in a year. I do not have his address, he lives within 10 minutes of me.

I know let him go, but November and December are tough. I had 50 years of family, whether it was the good the bad or the ugly, and my kids have never experienced the UGLY. The bad, if you consider the fact I would not purchase a 2,000 car when he was 16 Bad, ok. Or if I would not lend him 10,000 bad. ok. That is not bad, that is boundaries, which I have learned and had no boundaries when I was living with an alcoholic. It was "good morning how did I feel"

On my mom, she did not cause it create it and cannot cure it, but I am so very proud of her, and love her an my father dearly, regardless of the decisions that I disagree with.

Thank you.

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