My gram is losing it she's 93 and I'm getting more afraid of her.


I need help. My gram is 93 and turns on me. Blows off appointments and I'm going on disability. I am all she has and decided to remove me from our joint account that we share. So now every month I have to hope she will give me my money. Does anyone know what I can do. She's getting worse and I cry because of what she puts me through she's not just losing her mind but she has always been a narcissist. I'm all she has. I'm 32 and disabled and she 93 and impossible hence lives 20 miles one way from me. Her home is getting very unmanageable and I've cleaned it several times just for her to start the hoarding process again. Her moneys are or were supposed to go to me but she's so mean and secretive I don't know if she's changed anything. We were so close and now I'm afraid of her. Is there a way to secure the finances and get her home health care? I'm in NY. Any help would be much appreciated. Jo

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I agree w all good legal aid & get help . Start the ball rolling. Apply for job as companion as you have experience. Open your own bank account. You can also start by volunteering to get experience & a reference.
Many of us in same boat. It’s no fun this demon dementia. It gets worse. My mother w dementia squeeze my fingers & at night they feel like pins & needles. I think she stopped the blood flow & injured my veins. She has turned into Evil Eve instead of mom.

Cupofjoe - it seems to me that you have (at least) two related problems. One is that your gma is becoming senile and is playing what appears to be a cruel game with you regarding financial support. The other is that you are dependent on her for support and that keeps you trapped into putting up with her abuse.

in the long run, your grandmother probably needs to be in a facility. If she has Medicaid, it seems she would be eligible. You cannot get POA without her consent. It's hard to understand how someone on Medicaid has enough money to share with a family member every month, though. Where is that money coming from and what is it supposed to be used for?

In the short run, you need to find a source of income that does not depend on your grandmother. Do you have other family that could help? If you can clean your gma's house, can you clean other houses for pay? Or look after other old people as a companion? Do you have anything you could sell? Can you take a line of credit on your home until your disability comes through?

You sound very emotionally fragile. It can only harm you to keep subjecting yourself to somebody who "turns on" you, as you say. Try to step away from her and find another source of money in the short run. Good luck and keep up posted!

Shes still all on her own no poa and has Medicaid. If I could work it would matter but I'm disabled and waiting to get on disability. Its total he!!. My so called other half just sexually assaulted me a week ago and I am stuck. In afraid to kick him out I own my home but with out my grandmother's help I can't make ends meet. I just am at my end you know. I took care of my father after his stroke just for him to get cancer of the bone and 3 others all stage 4 and I almost died taking care of him. He deserved every moment of my love and I'm glad I was his nurse. It was an honor. My gram is not him. I can't go through that again it just happened 2 years ago with my father. And I have a permanent lung disorder that wrecks me. so I went from 150lbs to 86 in 6 months from taking care of my daddy and then losing him. I also lost 2 of my cats in less than a year from cancer. And the last one died in my arms. Hence why I can't take any more. I'm a survivor but my gram turns on me and it just kills me I have been learning how to deal but she is just spiralling out and I'm all she has. She still has a license. And fights me about everything. I can't take it any more. I love her and know it's not really her but I'm not qualified to do this. Nor can I handle it. So if I call that number what happens. Can I get poa with out her consent? Thank you all for replying it really means so much I have hardly no juice left in my tank I'm 32 I'm not living the life I deserve. And honestly MY who life has been for everyone else. Here's a good one. Stewart's gas station just stole 5 $ from me too.. yep I went back in and said you shorted me and she said no... I have a black cloud I tell you. Someone pray for me. I have been but the second I think it's getting better it gets 10xs worse.

Jo, yes, sadly Grandmother is losing it through no fault of here own. But first have Grandmother checked to see if she has a Urinary Tract Infection as such infections can mimic strange behavior. UTI's can be treated.

Forget about Grandmother's money that she promised you, as that money will need to be used for her future care as eventually she will need to move into a continuing care facility as her memory keeps getting worse and worse.

If Grandmother cannot afford to be self-pay in an Assisted Living, then she would need Medicaid [which is different from Medicare] to pay for her care in a nursing home.  With Medicaid every State runs their programs differently.

Who is Grandmother's Power of Attorney? If Grandmother owns her own house, is she paying her real estate taxes? How about homeowner's insurance? Utilities? Or is the Power of Attorney doing that for her? Some times elders who run their own homes do forget to pay for real estate taxes. My own Dad did... oops.

Cupofjoe34, kudos to you for helping your grandmother. She's 93 and your profile says she has Alzheimer's dementia, which is a disease that can cause severe personality changes. Please know that your gram can't help what the disease is causing. She's probably endangered and needs help, maybe more than you can provide by yourself. I suggest that you call New York's Senior Citizens' Help Line at 1-800-342-9871 to explain the details of your gram's situation, ASAP. That call should get you started on getting help for her and resources to help you understand her disease. Also, if you believe you may need legal assistance, call New York's Legal Aid Group at 212-613-5000.

Open your own bank account and have your checks direct deposited to there. What am I missing?