Need help with MIL's anger.

Follow
Share

We recently went on a vacation that my MIL was going to go on. She got sick and could not get insurance. We had to cancel her, but we went. She is so mad at us, because I am not sure. How can we talk to her? She left lots (at least 30) nasty messages. She does have dementia and is narcissistic.

9

Answers

Show:
Yes I definitely enjoyed the vacation without her. She is very demanding and has started that as soon as we were home. She wants me to come over (I was there 2 hours ago) again and listen to her say she wants to die. Do not know what to do with her.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to helpwithmil
Report

To be honest, you probably had a better vacation without her. My Mom got to the point she didn't enjoy outings. She was ready to go home within the hour. Can you imagine being on vacation and MIL ready to go home!
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report

Thanks we have been ignoring her messages a bit. . We do not always answer the phone. It sure was nice to spend some quiet time with husband and son. I know she was disappointed but we can't help that she is sick.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to helpwithmil
Report

Dear helpwithmil,

I know its hard to deal with nasty messages. Given her condition I have to agree with countrymouse, try to validate her feelings. Let her know you understand her disappointment and hopefully next time she can join you guys again.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to cdnreader
Report

helpwithmil, have Mom-in-law tested for an Urinary Tract Infection. In older people such an infection can make a person feel very angry. Have Mom-in-law's primary doctor check her out.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to freqflyer
Report

And to add to country mouse, MIL's anger at the situation is just jumbled and coming out as anger at you.... Mixed up brain.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Grammyteacher
Report

I completely agree.

I'd add: poor old MIL was looking forward to going on vacation with her son and her DIL. No fault of yours, but she got ill, couldn't go, and is naturally disappointed. You can sympathise with her disappointment, can't you?

What one takes issue with is her means of expressing it! - which is to blame you and your husband for daring to have a nice time without her. This is nonsense, this is the bit you can quite rightly dismiss. But that it's a pity that she fell ill and didn't get her treat... Sure, so it is.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to Countrymouse
Report

Polarbear is absolutely correct!
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to jeannegibbs
Report

She has dementia and is narcissistic.

That's how a narcissistic dementia person acts. Everything evolves around her and no one can convince her differently. She is NOT capable of seeing things from someone else's perspective. So, don't waste your time. It is like walking into a wall and hoping it'll turn into a open door.

My suggestion is to ignore her nasty messages. Delete them. With dementia, she will forget the whole thing in time. Don't bring it up, don't engage when she brings it up. Just say you've got to go, then leave or hang up.

This must be very stressful for you. But you did nothing wrong. You can't help that she thinks everyone has to cater to her. Let her stew in her own anger. Don't let her drag you down. Take deep breaths. Force your mind to think about something else more pleasant.

By the way, how was your vacation? 
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to polarbear
Report

Related
Questions