what things would you have done differently regarding caregiving?
If I had a time machine, I would have promoted the fantastic retirement village big time long before my parents became house bound. Maybe they would have been interested in moving. They would have had more freedom, and I would have had more freedom. Now my parents have aged to a point where they don't have the energy to even think of downsizing and moving :(
If I had a time machine I would have gotten my parents into seeing an Elder Law Attorney years ago, my parents desperately need a new Will and a Trust. The current Will is a landmine because the way it is written. Dad keeps dragging his feet :(
If I had a time machine I wouldn't have kept saying *yes* to driving my parents everywhere they wanted, thus using up vacation days, sick days, and days without pay. I had enabled them to depend on me instead of finding other means of transportation :(
If I could have done something differently, I think I would have kept in touch with all the family my mom cut off contact with -- at the time I took her side, and I was kind of immature and thought I should just stay by her, where today I would be better able to manage the rift, and at least keep in contact with aunts and cousins because it was my choice, and not me following her choice. I wouldn't expect them to rescue me, but there would be that common bond, at least, and possibly answers about why she is the way she is now.
I also would have put more distance between myself and my mother much earlier. When I was in college and in my 20s she wanted to know where I was all the time, and if I didn't answer the phone in the morning she'd make more and more calls, always more frantic. Sometimes I just had partied too much and wanted to sleep in. I also felt obligated to go see her (when she lived out of state) on my vacations and I wish I'd taken more time to do something more fun, instead of visiting her in a small town and feeling sick from inhaling all that second-hand smoke or watching her get loaded with friends.
Now, I often wonder if I had created a healthier distance at a younger age if things might be better now. Maybe she'd be more independent or look at me less like a personal servant or secretary. Maybe not, and maybe it's not worth wondering about, but I can't help it.
I wish I could go back and change something financial, but I really don't know what.
And dealing with the fact that my sig other thinks that since he is taking showers, that the shower itself is cleaning the tub and glass doors in his bathroom.... NOT !!!