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A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him. 

She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, "I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son." 

He answered, "That's okay." 

"I know it's silly, but if you'd call out 'Good bye, Mom' as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy." 

She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, "Goodbye, Mom." 

The little old lady waved and smiled back at him.. 

Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his groceries. 

"That comes to $121.85," said the clerk. 

"How come so much? I only bought 5 items." 

The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said 
You'd be paying for her things, too."   
 
 

Bet you thought this was going to be a tear jerker. 
Don't trust Little Old Ladies!!!
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I came home and her Chihuahua was eating her poop that fell on the floor from the bedpan she dropped. There are some things I can not unsee. This really was disturbing. (And yes, if u are wondering he is OK.. just sick that afternoon.)
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A Happy New Year to you too cuz and thanks so much for all your funny jokes~
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Happy New Year
luvCuz
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Merry Christmas to all of the caregivers hugs to all luv Cuz
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Love ya Cuz.
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love ya bobbie
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*sigh*
if you only knew
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My mom used to tell the story of her mother. The grandmother had a stoke and was bed ridden. My mother went to show her mother her brand new hair brush. My grandmother smiled-took that hair brush-and scratched away at her private parts.
This became a cherished memory for Mom.
When my dad was alive and living with me I would get so upset with him. He would pick my living room chairs up and aim them in different directions. It would put heavy indents into my carpet. I failed to notice, he moved the chairs to play with my kids. 30 years dads been gone. My home has been sold, furniture given to kids. Carpet changed, but I’d do anything to have my dad back
Buy a new tooth brush. Laugh. Love them intensely. Enjoy your time.
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If a bra is an "over the shoulder boulder holder" then
what would you call the men's underwear?
Under the butt nut hut?
Hugs to all
luvCuz
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From a work newsletter:

A very large, old building was being torn down to make room for a new skyscraper. Due to its proximity to other buildings it could not be imploded and had to be dismantled floor by floor. While working on the 49th floor, two construction workers found a human skeleton in a small closet behind the elevator shaft. They decided that they should call the police.

When the police arrived, the workers led them to the closet and showed them the skeleton. It was fully clothed, covered in cobwebs and dust and sitting in a crouched position. They all found the sight of this skeleton disturbing and wondered who it could have been and how they wound up in the closet.

The police forensics team removed the body and demolition of the building was put on hold until the police figured out the identity of the corpse. Two days went by and the construction workers were becoming impatient. They couldn't stand it anymore. They had to know who they had found.

They called the police and said, "We are the two guys who found the skeleton in the closet and we want to know who it was."

The policeman said, "It's somebody kind of important."

Well, who was it?' they asked.

The policeman replied, "The 1956 National Hide-and-Seek Champion."
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Lol, You need to find the humour in this. However this is not too unusual as it seems she may be going through dementia stage, as obvious as it is, I am not a doctor, just a caregiver.
But take that particular incident lightly and chuckle a little bit. But do look for solutions to what seems to be coming up. Just keep your tooth brush in unreachable places. You will be fine my dear :-)
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A man goes to visit his 85 year old grandpa in the hospital
"How are you, grandpa?" he asks.
"Feeling fine," says the old man.
"What's the food like?"
"Terrific, wonderful menus."
"And the nursing?"
"Just couldn't be better. These young nurses really take care of you."
"What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK"
"No problem at all, nine hours solid every night. At 10 o'clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet... and that's it. I go out like a light."
The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so rushes off to question the Sister in charge. "What are you people doing?!" he sayes, "I'm told you're giving an 85- year- old Viagra on a daily basis. Surely that can't be true?"
"Oh, yes," replies the Sister. "Every night a 10 o'clock we give him a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully well. The hot chocolate makes him sleep, and the Viagra stops him from rolling out of bed."
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Aging Mildred was a 93 year old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband, Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.
Thinking that it would be best to get it over quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was so badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and burden someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be on a woman.
The doctor said, "Your heart would be just below your left breast."
Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.
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You are welcome BootShopGirl. The captain of this boat is my cousin bobbie321 who started this thread over 8 years ago. As I have stated before I am not a caregiver BUT I still read this site every night and when I receive a good clean joke I try to post it on here to help bring a light to those caregivers that are in a dark tunnel. I live in central Michigan and have been retired for 7 years now and I have a new since of what goes on in a caregivers life when everyone abandons them and they lose their freedom. Glad you have joined us and please keep us all in the loop because we care for all of you gals and the occasional male caregivers also. Hugs to you
luvCuz
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Oh Cuz....My husband and I are falling over laughing! Thanks for these jokes! We needed this!
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Bea was in her eighties, and much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.
The pastor came to call on her one afternoon early in the spring, and she welcomed him into her Victorian parlor. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared a little tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water. In the water floated of all things, a condom. Imagine his shock and surprise. Imagine his curiosity! Surely Miss Bea had flipped or something!
But he certainly couldn't mention the strange site in her parlor. When she returned with tea and cookies, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him, and he couldn't resist no longer.
"Miss Bea," he said, "I wonder if you could tell me about this"? (pointing to the bowl). "Oh, yes," she replied, "isn't it wonderful? I was walking downtown last fall and I found this little package. The directions said to put in on the organ, keep it wet, and it would prevent disease. And you know... I haven't had a cold all winter."
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An old lady came into her doctor's off and confessed... to an embarrassing problem: "I fart all the time, Doctor Johnson, but they're soundless, and have no odor. In fact, since I've been here, I've farted no less than twenty times. What can I do?"
"Here's a prescription, Mrs Barker. Take these pills three times a day for seven days and come back and see me in a week."
The next week, an upset Mrs. Barker marched into Dr. Johnson's office: "Doc, I don't know what was in them pills, but the problem is worse! I'm farting just as much, and they're still soundless, but now they smell terrible! What do you have to say for yourself?"
"Calm down, Mrs Barker," said the doctor soothingly. "Now that we've fixed your sinuses, we'll work on your hearing!"
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Beautiful words there Cuz. Even though I haven't seen you but once in over 50+ years you and all the caregivers on this site are in my thoughts and prayers every night since I joined this site over 8 years ago myself. All of you need to just remember the good times and keep reminding yourselves that there is a light at the end of this long journey. I try to post stuff that will make you laugh and hopefully the stuff I do post never offends anyone. There has been only a couple times where I have been told that what I posted was wrong but like I say I try my best to help all of you caregivers with my jokes etc. Hugs to all of you. Update on Aunt Hank bobbie is that she has her good days and bad. She sometimes wants to go back home, she wants to drive again but at almost 94 she is slowing down. Cousin Mike is still in his battle with his gall bladder. Since last April he has had a tube in his side which drains the gall bladder into a bag that he has to clean out once a day cause his heart is to weak for surgery. Two weeks ago we almost lost him because a hernia behind his belly button collapsed his colon shutting that part off. They did emergency surgery for that and he is back on the road to recovery from that. Last week they laisered the stones in his gall bladder and sucked them out the tube. Next week he goes back in o see if they can reopen the outbound side of the gall bladder so he can have the tube taken out. Its been a tough summer for me just taking him to his heart dr every week, besides going to the hospital four times this summer. They said that retirement would be the Golden Years but the only thing I have golden right now is my urine. With that I say again hugs to all.
LovCuz
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Hi there Gazala and Waterfalls and MissEverything and SendHelp and Glenda!

Thanks for posting on the Grossed Out Thread!

I started the thread in February of 2010, after caring for my mom since September of 2004. My mom died on May 26, 2010 but I continued to post because of the caregivers on this site.

Until I began to write and share experiences on this site in November of 2016, I was absolutely alone in the role of family caregiver. I had no idea that the job was impossible, so at the cost of my career, health and sanity, I soldiered on.

Today we know more when it comes to dealing with the varied Dementias, and how to deal, cope and survive being an adult child caregiver of a demented parent.

It's been 8 years now since mom died, and I still miss her and my dad, who died in 1993.

I thank you all for your kind advice and words of encouragement. Of course you all had no way of knowing that mom is gone.

This thread continues on, even though I don't post as often as I once did.
This thread is for the exhausted caregiver who needs a laugh or a cyber hug (((...))).

This thread welcomes all who know that when they see a behavior that is nuts, it's ok to say, 'wait a minute...that's messed up! And Gross!'

Nuts is nuts and funny is funny and Gross is well, you know.

My sense of humor is what ultimately saved my life, and made my mom's life better. When she hallucinated, I didn't argue with her, I just chased the 'intruders' out of an opened window with a big flyswatter.

When she got angry and acted out, I was the foil and did my best impression of a goofball to get her to laugh, and immediately forget that just moments before she was chewing my ass.

When she got scared, I told her she was the bravest person I had ever met, and that she was safe and sound, all the while holding that giant comic flyswatter to ward off those 'intruders'.

Time has worked its magic on me, but I will always be a recovering caregiver. When the man I was seeing tried to drop his demented mom off so I could 'look after her...' my stress levels went through the roof, and even though she is a sweet lady, I said NO. Not doing this again. I did my part with my own mom. Enough.

Instead of getting stuck caregiving again because of some guy looking for a way out, I'm going to college as a full time student on the Geezer Pass, and my major is, wait for it, Psychology.

Human behavior has always been fascinating to me and boy, is it alive and well in Caregiving! Just look at your siblings, boyfriends and extended family members who do nothing to help you but are sure there for the rewards.

So welcome to the Thread you new posters! I hope you all share your stories with us and let us know how you're doing. There's folks all over this Site and Thread that actually Care.

lovbob
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Bobbie, try to focus your energy on those products that might pose a safety or hygiene concern. The rest one has to accept since it is inevitable. My mother puts lipstick on her eyebrows sometimes or insists to rinse her hand in her glass of water, then drinks from it etc. We just have to keep adjusting, fex I put a little bowl for her to rinse her hands during or after dinner. It’s frustrating but what to do?
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Bobbie 321 ..Geez ! My heart goes out to you and the solution is to have all your things separate from your mom. Mine is locked away in my room. My mom has dementia and hearing issues. She is ambulatory and instead of going to rest room she urinates in objects at night. So I am grossed out completely and even though I bought a potty chair in her room she still will do that!!!
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A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.
She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!' so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills and canyon walls.
When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final 'Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!' and rode off.
"What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service-station attendant. "Nothing," the woman answered "I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off."
"Lady," the attendant said, "Indians don't use saddles."
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Lol, I hide mine in the medicine cabinet ever since I found dad using it to scrub the sink! I put his in there also and leave one just for him to scrub with.
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Hi Bonnie just read your story. You are a very loving person. But! Enough is enough! You can do no more! Take your mother and run!!! Your priority is her not her boyfriend. You make the decisions, your in control, its your money being used & your not responsible for the boyfriend who has been a negative in your lives. Get your mom the help she needs, get rid of everyone who is not a plus in your life. Start over fresh. Make a new commitment to yourself to not be used anymore by anyone, make safety & respect honorable for you & your family. Make that change! You deserve happiness. That is your mom. Research resources to assist you during this difficult time. Your in my prayers!!!
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Grossed out here too! I was in such a big hurry yesterday, I used my OWN toothbrush to comb my bangs!
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Bobbie what did you say to her when you saw her do that? They do the strangest things!! Sometimes you can't help but yell at them which never helps. My mom keeps paper cups after she drinks coffee then puts them in her pocket book. I think that's gross too. She dares me to touch them so I can wash them out. She wants to be in control. If your mom has an aide let them know what she did so they can be on alert and catch these things when your not around. Make sure she's hydrated.
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bonnie -welcome! .No you are not responsible for him or anyone else including your sister and her kids. It is kind of you to want to help your mum. I would limit my help to her and leave anyone else out. Your mum may make a fuss, but stick to your decisions. Do you feel like the others are using you? It looks to me like they are. You have to take care of you and your family especially when there are so many "takers" around.
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Bonnie,
you may want to re-post your comment in this thread

The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?
https://www.agingcare.com/discussions/the-caregiver-dysfunctional-families-149068.htm
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Hi so happy to run across this group.

My mom is disabled due to drug use she have a longterm boyfriend that caused her to lose both her legs and have benefitted from her at our expense since my childhood Never had a job, still use drugs and disrespects her with other women. There is a tropical storm headed our way and if it gets to bad we usually evacuate to safety. everything is always on me and my husband financially. My car seating and lodging funds is limited my husband is the only one working right now. Evacuating her and boyfriend in the past was a disaster and exhausting. I feel it's my moral obligation to get my mom to safety due to her physical limitations but I cannot or will not take anyone else. Am I really responsible for him too? Once we evacuated for 3 weeks and I had to pay for 2 cars to hotel rooms all the food and drinks and gas for cars plus my our 3 kids and my pregnant sister and her 2 kids I exhausted my total savings and when their checks deposited on the 1st they left to go get us all something to eat and never came back instead i later discovered they rented a motel.
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