If you follow me, Mom was recently in Hospital for 9 days with pulmonary embolism.

Sending a note to oldest brother, who graduated from Clarkson University with MBA, I informed him of her bizarre daily stories, which a few of you clued me in was probably hospital delirium. Upon talking to her nurses, yes.

If you care for a parent, you know the responsibility of taking care of A-Z , home, hospital stays, discharge, follow up appointments, visiting home health care nurses, etc.

I sent an honest email to “MBA” grad ( 900 miles away).

Told him this was my last email to convey Mom.

4 days later I got a response.

He said, “Young people pay good money for drugs to experience those kind of things”.

Beyond belief the flippant attitude.

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I've been thinking about this, especially after reading Rainmom's observations.

These people may suffer in their own ways, ones that we'll never understand.   Will they ever experience the intimacy of family, of love, caring, doing things for others - those simple things that bring pleasure to people?   Probably not.  

They may be more hampered by their genius than we can ever realize, and never be as close and intimate with their family and friends as those of us who do enjoy those benefits.   For that, I feel sorry for them; they're missing a lot of life, through no fault of their own.

He may be smart but he certainly isn’t sensitive to you or your mom. I am very sorry that you received such an insensitive response from your brother.

Many hugs! 💗

My brother is such - what GardenArtist describes.

My brother double majored in college and graduated with a degree in both Electrical Engineering and Physics. His first job straight out of college was with Jet Propulsion Laboratories. So, yes - my brother was an honest-to-God...wait for it... a rocket scientist.

Brother went on to get Masters Degrees in both fields and the job he had at the time of his retirement was with a computer/software giant. His job was just to think stuff up and project it’s development.

However. Aside to the fact my brother is a genuine genius- he was - always had been - and to this day - utterly inept at interpersonal relationships and has no ability to relate to us common folk.

Ive always said of my brother - that he operates on a completely different radio frequency than everyone else. If there is the wrong thing to say in any given sensitive situation - he’ll say it. I also have always suspected there’s some Aspergers at play with him - especially with the Autism gene running in our family.

So, if the brother here is much the same as my brother - who also relates to cats far better than humans and lives for his next skiing vacay - then yeah, perhaps being sensitive, compassionate and understanding is totally beyond him.

Don’t get me wrong - it still hurts when a family member reacts this way. Trust me - I know it all too well. But perhaps - in a little time, you can take a small measure of comfort in knowing he probably can’t help it.

I think there's another factor at play in this kind of situation.

Some highly educated people are distanced from the kind of intimacy that occurs in caregiving, and they're not able to analyze at that level.   Their perspective is entirely different.   That's what I saw in this brother's remarks.

He may be everything that posters have described him to be, but I suspect he also is so educated that he's distanced from common sense, especially if his MBA is in an analytical field, such as math or physics.  

I'm not excusing him; just explaining my interpretation of what I've seen.

Thanks for the understanding.
True, education will never equal the phases of life.
She is better, but still non compliant about c-pap, exercise visiting OT therapist recommended, getting dressed or showered.
It is what it is.......
Thank you receptionist for nailing men on the head.....”Mom is fine!!!......if only.
What can I expect from my 68-year old bachelor brother who never had any responsibility aside from his cats, his hockey schedule and where is his next ski trip to.

Maybe there is something in the history here that I don’t know...

But, I don’t get it.

I know no young people who would buy drugs to feel overwhelmed, stressed and under appreciated.

Unless there is some euphoria in being a caregiver that I missed out on..?

Like I said - I don’t get Mr MBA’s smartazz comment. Which, ultimately is probably no big loss.

Education has nothing whatsoever to do with a person being a jackass. Men in particular seem to have odd attitudes about their mother's who suffer from dementia, I've noticed. Many of them are in denial; I see it quite often at the Memory Care home where I work as a receptionist. I get to speak to these gentlemen who sometimes inform me there's nothing 'wrong' with their mother's..........I guess they're just putting her up in a very very very expensive 'hotel' for seniors, huh?

If there are no expectations of your brother to care for his mother, or to chip in to help you out, then it's quite easy for him to be flippant and dismissive of a serious situation. Until a person is forced to DEAL with the REALITY of the situation 24/7, they have a hard time 'believing' or 'understanding' the magnitude of what's happening. Ignorance is bliss, in other words. The only way to learn empathy is through scar tissue. Your brother has no scars, so for him it's easy to be a comedian.

For you, the nightmare continues.

Sending you a big hug of understanding from someone who 'gets it'. Intimately.

What a arse your bother is . just shows education does not equal common sense!

I'm so sorry you are dealing with a difficult sibling while trying to care for your mother. It's amazing how lonely caregiving can be. A response like that would have me steaming, but ultimately, there isn't much you can do about his attitude.
How is your mother's recovery going?

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