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My MIL readily agreed to a vestibular therapy program when the nurse suggested it, whereas she adamantly refused to go when I talked with her about it and made me cancel 2 appts at her insistence. The nurse also mentioned that her BP was “a little low” and discussed her preferences for resuscitation as a matter of routine. My MIL said she would not want to be resuscitated and signed the DNR form which the nurse said should be placed in a visible location, in case paramedics were called to the home, after the visit, MIL thought she was dying. No obvious symptoms other than lightheadedness and obvious anxiety. Said her BP was so low she was sure she was dying, she just felt it. I checked her BP and it was actually high. I know this may be a “normal” response to the nurse’s line of questioning, but man it took a toll on me! When she finally went to bed I felt so wiped out. The day in and day out caring for someone nearing the end of life can be so exhausting. I just needed to vent.

Hi MaryBee,

I had the same issue when caring for my mom with a case manager from her insurance. Initially I thought it was a great idea to have a medical professional help oversee the complex maze of diagnoses and treatments. My mother, on the other hand, just seemed to enjoy having another person who would listen to her complaints. But much as you described, it was not a good experience. The case manager didn’t seem to have the ability to discuss anything with my mother without it creating agitation and anxiety, which of course was completely counterproductive. Years later in caring for my aunt and my dad, I refused to have a case manager. There was no way I was going through that again. Caregiving is tough enough without people making it more difficult, no matter how educated or well-meaning they are. I would have loved to remove my mom’s case manager, but mom wouldn’t hear of it. Maybe you’ll have better luck. Wishing you and your mom better days!
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MaryBee Mar 3, 2020
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. It just helps to know that someone understands!
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Sometimes our LO's are more cooperative with others when it comes to their health care management. I'd try to not take offense. I would confirm the requirements for the DNR with a local Elder Law attorney to see if what your mother has is sufficient. A doctor may need to sign the document.
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MaryBee Mar 3, 2020
Good advice, thanks.
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Just think how she feels. She knows she will be dying and its scary. She is mortal. Her BP probably went up because she was upset.

Is she on Hospice because if so, there will be no EMTs. Being on Hospice means no extreme measures that includes the Hospital. Once she passes, the Nurse is called. She pronounces death and then the Funeral director is called.

If for some reason she is exported to the hospital, that DNR order should be given to the nurse admitting her. Don't expect the EMTs to do it. We now have a green form in NJ that in each facility Mom was in the attending physician had to sign. Yes, I had the DNR that Moms PCP signed just to prove there was one in place.
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MaryBee Mar 3, 2020
No she is not in hospice. She could be with us for quite awhile yet!
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