You know who they are.

This past Sunday, the once every 2-3 month visit, came to take Mom out for dinner.

Guess, they were too busy on actual Mothers Day.

Returned with Mom after “One whole hour” of quality time.

Came into my house returning Mom who lives with me, argumentative (my brother), I was sitting on couch watching Oceans 11.

Started screaming at me, I stood up, he shoved me back down on my couch, told me to shut up.

Had my cell, said I’m calling the Police.

He grabbed it out of my hand and threw it.

I went to front door, said get out of my house now!!!!

He said no, screamed at me, “You get out of my house now!!!”

He grabbed both of my arms, one inch from my face, screaming at me.

He was hurting me (I have pictures of finger bruises on my arms)

I slapped his cheek to get him away from me, he attacked me, punched me in my left ear and neck, shoved me into dining room chairs, into table....

I called 911.

Police arrived.....they did nothing.

They allowed my brother to leave with his wife......

Yes, my sister-in-law was here for the entire incident, did nothing.

Today, I went to court.

The judge issued an order of protection for me.

Court date in 2 weeks.


I cannot express enough, I did nothing.

My sibling has been a bully my whole life!!!!!!!

Through me through a wall when I was 12.

Verbally, emotionally abusive to me last 10 years.

What a screw up I am, never made a good decision in my life, I make one mistake after the next, I have no money, etc, etc, etc........

Mind you, I have the armor of an armadillo.

Sticks and stones...

He grills my Mom every chance he gets. He did it through the “One hour dinner”.

I am extremely strong. Takes more than this to break me.

Document, document, and put those bullies in their place.

I am 62, my brother is 64........

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I am glad that you can feel safe and know that a phone call will get you help.

I hope it is never needed and that your brother gets some anger management so he isn't a stroke victim.

Yes, I was granted the 2 year permanent protection order.
This wasn’t about winning for me.
If my brother had manned up, said I am sorry, the whole situation got out of control, I would have said no to the permanent order.
But.....he was as angry as ever.
I knew the judge could tell, and the sherriff at my side could definitely tell.
He immediately escorted me out of court the back way, waiting for paperwork, and be separated.

Arimathea, my prayers are with you.

Mom, who I moved away from an 18 year emotionally abusive relationship, who told me, you are not leaving without me....
We bought a house together.
I am.....the caretaker in every single respect.

This Mom, witnessed my 64 year old brother assaulting me in my house, after I asked him to leave.....

She told me yesterday.....she lays awake in bed worrying about him.
She doesn’t want me to do anything to cause him to lose his job......
She worries about his wife and daughter....
I don’t even know, who he works for, no employer name, no address, nothing.
This is personal only.
My protection only.

So, this is the role of the caretaker of the narcissistic parent.

Never be surprised about just how thankless the caretaker role can be.

Court is tomorrow regarding my permanent protection order.
Will keep you posted.

Lead us not into temptation......

Wait, so your brother was in YOUR house and wouldn’t leave? That’s trespassing and police did nothing here, too. Hope you get your order! I am sorry you have to deal with this.

I had similar happen last year with my twin sister storming into my house with my mom. She had the nerve to file a temp RO against ME for trying to protect my mother as DPOA. She lost in court and told judge that she couldn’t leave my House because of arthritic knees. Ha! After storming in then blocking my doorway with her 250lb body so I couldn’t re-Enter my home safely. What nerve! Come in uninvited to my house after several “I will not answer on bank charges” and start to demand money and POA rights. I told her to get out of my house and she refused. She was filming me telling her to leave and filming Mom hostage style having Mom tell me that she should be given POA role. Filming her own incriminating evidence. Bullies can be very lacking in logic, can’t they? She recently claimed I gave her cancer and she is dying. She doesn’t have cancer but these are drama tactics to stir up the family (which is many).

You’re so right. Do NOT let a bully have their way. Do not get caught up with them. I’ve had to cut ties with toxic family who enable the bully as well as the bully herself twin sister and mother’s ‘excellent caregiver’ as she calls herself. Bizarre. Sometimes the bully is the caregiver and they use the parent as a pawn to manipulate other family so that parent avoids going into AL.

I hope you can protect yourself.

Good for you! Put the bully in his place!

I had the same breed of dog years ago, before my greyhound. I did exactly as you did. I petted her until the end. Oh God, How I grieved for my pets after having to put them down. So hard. I’m sorry. Big hugs!

If you have been following me, you know what has been going on.
So, also, had to put down one of my 2, 12 year old Schnauzer brothers this past Saturday.
I stayed right in the room, petting him, talking to him until Doc told me he was gone.
We all deal with a lot, ay?
He is buried in my flower garden, cone flowers planted on top of him, ordered his riverstone memorial with name and dates, many more flowers to plant around him.
Life is about handling many things.

My contact with Victim Assistance Program has been a Godsend.
In my 60’s, caring for 87-year old Mom, is full time, as you all know, if your parent lives with you.
When you take your parent to their physician, as you know, there is the annual Medicare evaluation, for wellness.
Because I have seen so many complaints from actual children caregivers, I believe our government needs to recognize the “REAL PICTURE, INTERVIEW ALL CHILDREN, HOLD ACCOUNTABLE, AND STOP LETTING THE BURDEN BE SHOULDERED BY ONE!!!!”
Let Medicare step in and investigate the ENTIRE FAMILY.

Oh my goodness! Here is a hug for you (((HUG))) that is very frightening.. And so glad you are not letting him bully you. My relationship is not as violent with my siblings, but it is very strained and I rely a lot on counseling from professionals to understand that I am taking the correct steps. Best wishes you and stay safe.

There's a special place in Heaven for you, Arimethea33.

I’m so very sorry. Absolutely no one deserves that kind of treatment. He has severe mental health issues. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere near him.

Thank you everyone.
I have seen far too many comments, where this exact situation is going on with many of you.
I was fortunate enough the day the judge ordered my 2 week protection order, until the hearing on 5/22/19 where I may get the permanent protection order, that a “Victim Witness Assistance Program “ employee, who works with the Office of the Commonwealth Attorney, was there.
She came over and talked to me at length.
She will be with me on my next court date.
Some of you asked....
how is he with my mother....
Her and I talked at length today about it.....
she is intimidated, afraid of him.
I informed her I would gladly address it at my next court date.
My mother, asked me not to, she is afraid my brother will take it out in her. She is 87.

You can bet I fired off an email to the Victim Witness gal.
Have a feeling, I am only scratching the surface of much to come.

I cannot stress enough to those who tolerate adult sibling abuse, when YOU are the caretaker.

There is a special place in Heaven for each and everyone of you.

Holy Cow---

My YB has in the past really screamed at me. I mean, to the point I thought he was going to stroke out. In front of my 3 sibs. Not ONE of them said so much as "calm down-let's deal with this'. Opened my eyes a LOT. (a family meeting about mom's care)

Couple of days later he posts something in FB about how after the thunder comes the cleansing rain. Meant for me, but seriously?? Seriously?? All I have ever done it try to be helpful and supportive in caregiving for mother. (She lives with him).

I have essentially stayed away from the house since then. Mother noticed and asked me and I told her. I said she could choose to believe me or "R". She was really sad, b/c she wants me to help her sometimes, but I pick and choose.

I saw both the behaviors of my sibs and the abusive brother. I feel my family has fractured completely. When mother dies, I doubt I will see my sibs much.

I hope you took pictures of the bruising, etc and can get the judge to listen to you.

My brother told me if I came on his property again, he'd have me arrested. And yes, I am pretty sure he keeps his wife very under his thumb. He has 5 kids, 4 are still living at home, in their late 20's and early 30's---all terrified of "the world". Something that their dad taught them. A 31 yo woman should not be still under her father's roof, kowtowing to him.

I wish you the best. You sound tough. Do your other sibs act this way? Can you get support from them?

YOU ARE NOT A SCREW UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Arimetha - I think you did a good job. Your brother seems like more than just an absent sibling. He sounds like an abuser. He shows no anger control, no boundaries. I assume his wife has been on the receiving end of it too so that is why she did nothing. You did not deserve any of that. I hope your PPO comes through, and hope your brother stays away from you. (Sometimes, things like that can trigger their rage, be careful.) One thing I think is true is that neither you nor your mother need him to visit since he contributes nothing helpful. Do what you can to keep him out of your house, out of your life and to keep safe. If for some reason you have to endure a visit again, can you arrange them to meet you in a public setting or restaurant, then just leave when the visit is over?

Good for you! *giving you a big ol' hug*

I am so sorry you've had to go through that. I'm relieved for you that this forum can be at least a virtual safe haven with good support for you.

Hi Arimethea, I am going through the same thing with my sister. I have two sisters, neither one of them helps out with my fathers care (and they live closer and have much more free time than I do). I have so much anger towards them. I actually had to call the police on one of my sisters and her husband when they started an argument with me at my father's apartment. My sister has been a bully and a narcissist all of her life and has treated me very badly in the past. When my mother passed away I was hoping she would at least be civil to me but no such luck. I have to agree with you, please don't let your siblings bully you. It's stressful enough having to care for an elderly person with no help, but even worse when you have to argue with your siblings on top of that. Bless you and I certainly hope that Karma works in their case!

I pray that the judge is more reliable than the police and you are granted your order of protection. 🙏

You are smart and courageous.

Getting a restraining order is the right thing to do to protect yourself and the record.

Is your Mom safe out with your brother? What was your mother’s response?

Those unkind words your brother said can really sting. Forget them if you can. His actions are consistent with mental instability.

Its too bad your sister-in-law is too much in denial/to weak/too afraid to stop your brother or get him help. Her passive acceptance of his behavior is nearly as bad as his actions.

I cannot imagine how scary this was. Good for you call the police and press charges.

He is a monster through and through.

I thought the samething as I was reading the OP.

I agree, the wife is abused more than likely. Probably why she didn't do anything. She was scared. Bullies r cowards!

Your brother is a nutcase.

I have no doubt that your SIL is physically and emotionally abused. You might want to send her information about women's shelters.

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