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My mom when I was growing up was terrible. I was not a bad kid. Never got in fights. Didn't smoke. Didnt drink. My mom called me fat. (I wasn't). She would then make me eat. I remember one time I broke my wrist and she wouldn't take me to the hospital until my dad came home. So many things she has said and done and yet she still makes me feel guilty. She has no one in her life but me. Now what?

Perhaps the best way to go is to take responsibility for making sure that your mother is safe and looked after. If you do that, you have nothing to feel guilty about. Do what you feel like for her on top of that. It may be that you ‘care so much’ because you are still wishing and hoping for the loving response that you missed out on as a child. Many of us (including me) go on caring to the end, and then find that nothing is resolved by the eventual death. Once your mother is safe and cared for, put your energy into caring for yourself and other people who know that they need you. Just drop down your expectations regarding mother.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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Oh boy does this resonate with me. My father has been verbally abusive to me my whole life (but was always financially there for me) and now he’s 84 and I’m an only child. It’s so hard. He refuses any care and won’t change his clothes and pees all over the floor and tells me to clean it up because I have nothing better to do. (I work full time) everyone thinks he has dementia and I’m like, can you have dementia for 34 years because that’s how long I’ve known him and he’s never changed lol
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Reply to Jsiakotos
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Follow your heart. If it’s too hard, don’t do it. You deserve peace.

You can forgive her if you wish but you don’t necessarily have to be a part of her life. Forgive her for your healing if you like if you feel like you are bitter. You don’t sound bitter. You sound sad.

I wouldn’t count on an apology from her. Even then, you owe her nothing. Sometimes there is too much water under the bridge.

I am so sorry she mistreated you. Actually, she abused you.

You don’t owe her anything. She wasn’t a good mom to you. Isn’t it funny how situations come around full circle?

She made you feel inadequate and abandoned you when you needed a mom. If you don’t go, she will see how it feels to feel unworthy of love, just like she
made you feel.

This isn’t a case of the illness or a disease that is causing her to behave badly. She has always behaved poorly. You shouldn’t have guilt. She should. Maybe she has mental illness. You still owe her nothing.

Don’t allow anyone to make you feel guilty when you have done nothing wrong. I wish you well. Enjoy your life. You deserve it! Many, many hugs! Love yourself.

You can’t undo the past but you can control today and tomorrow. Please let us know how you are doing. Take care.
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