Mom really declining. I feel like I'm going to dissolve.

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First of all, I just want to say how grateful I am to have found this group and how comforting it is to know I can come here and vent.


My mother has been going steadily downhill for the past few weeks. For those who don't already know, here are the fast facts: She's 84, had a stroke about a year ago, in a wheelchair since, has 24/7 care at home, bounced back pretty well, wanted to go out for dinners and theater whenever possible, and was making very modest, but meaningful gains in regaining some standing and some strength, which was good for her morale.


I don't know what happened that triggered her sudden decline, but she has hardly any appetite now, has a bedsore, and wants to be in bed most of the time. A nurse practitioner came today. Her vitals are good, the bedsore is under control, as long as she agrees to lie on her side frequently, which she is not crazy about. They will do blood tests and see if they can identify what's going on.


The nurse talked to me about hospice, because that covers a lot of care. I knew that was coming, but it has just put me over the edge. I can see that my mom is slowly surrendering and it is truly killing me. I am an only child and my father died when I was 7. I am divorced, with 2 wonderful girls, 20 and 16. Every single day since my dad died, I worried that my mother would die. Every. single. day. She has always bounced back from uterine cancer, breast cancer, hip replacement, fractured vertebra, etc.


I have friends and daughters and family, but I am the only one who is this close to her and fully responsible for her. In addition to the unfathomable emotional pain of losing her, I am worrying about the practical stuff. She rents her apartment and I believe they have a policy that when a tenant dies, the apartment must be vacated within a week. My mother has lived there for 35 years. She has a baby grand piano and closets filled to the brim. How on God's green earth will I figure out what to do with all that, in the midst of being flattened by grief? How will I go to work and keep my job? Be a mom to my (fortunately grown) kids? How, how, how?

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Xina, each hospital stay has caused my mother MASSIVE confusion. She gets back to the NH and settles back down in a couple of days.

Give this some time. And check what and how much of what meds mom has been given. I recall once my mom was in the hospital and they had no way to give her the pediatric dose of klonopin she was on, so they gave her an amount that was 4 times what she normally took.
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Xinabess they must be giving her pain relief of some sort, are they? So although her confusion must be frightening and worrying for you, it may be that the analgesics are mainly causing that? I hope you're getting clear answers to any questions you have. Poor mother, hope she manages to get over this - last thing she needs :(
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They moved her out of ICU into a regular room this afternoon. The urologists think she is too weak right now to undergo even a minimally invasive procedure. They want her to follow-up with a urologist in an outpatient setting. For now, she just needs to gain back some strength so that she can go home. She is very confused about what has been happening, where she is, and why she's there.
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It sounds like a staghorn stone is quite large and not a candidate for ultrasound blasting.
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I've heard of ultrasound for gallstones, have to check for kidney stones.
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Poor lady, Xinabess!

I have a vague idea at the back of my mind that they use ultrasound to shatter the kidney stone, don't they, has anyone gone into this with you? So completely non-invasive and definitely worth doing. Kidney stones are horribly painful, notorious for it - my fit healthy then husband needed morphine to cope with his.

Hope they get on top of it very soon, hugs x
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Update is that she's been stable now for over 24 hours and the plan is to move her to a regular hospital room. The only thing that needs to be resolved now is the large kidney stone they found (called a "staghorn" stone), which may be the source of all of this, leading to the UTI. Waiting to hear from urology doc what they plan to do about this. I suspect she's going to need surgery, though it seems to be minimally invasive. Still, after all she's been through, I can't bear the thought of her having yet another procedure, esp one that requires a general anesthesia. Ugh-o-rama!
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Again, didn't read each post. If ur Mom is renting they cannot ask u to leave if the month has been paid. I know places who allow rent to be paid by family who need to have time to clean out.
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Great news!
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Not to jump the gun, Xina, but so far so good - well done mother! I'm home after a full day of helping with a hospital audit and my feet hurt like billy-o (poor nurses having to do this every day) but it's lovely to get back to better news :)
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