I find that I am very judgmental when reading some of these threads.

Started by

I find that I am very judgmental when reading some of these threads. I get angry with the "hospice kills people" ones, the ones that seems to assume the OP isn't doing their best; the ones that say, only people who don't care send their parents to a nursing home. And the ones who say, why does everyone say care giving is so hard. I take my 60 year old aunt to buy groceries once a month and then she treats me to lunch and we have a wonderful time.

Not to mention criticizing when I don't fully understand the situation.
Any suggestions for getting past that.


I get angry too...especially when they talk about staff being lazy etc. I was a CNA and my co workers worked our butts off. I lost 20 pounds in six months because I skipped my dinner break just so I could keep ahead of schedule. My mom is in SNF and gets fabulous care, no they don’t know my work history. People are so quick to judge care givers etc it makes them feel better and superior. I am a few family members lighter because they know so much more..
Mea, we are only human here, and I think that as a whole we are an understanding bunch. We are mostly all quick to apologize when we get things wrong.

There are lots of posts that make me see red too.
I realize that my last sentence was unclear. I am the one who criticizes when I don't understand.
Meallen, I get what you mean, but I find it easier to ask for more information or clarification, if you don't understand to content, rather than criticize, that way you don't get so frustrated! Sometimes the OP is rushed or frustrated, or their whole story is difficult to write out in a few paragraphs, and also it is sometimes difficult to see the whole picture in the written word. Clarification is good and often comes in follow up posts, so I try not to be in a rush to judge.
Meallen, enjoy!

I personally do try to censor myself and not say anything that will only make a poster feel worse or will do nothing to persuade him or her. I have made it a rule not to post if I happen to be in a foul mood, for example, and never, ever to post after enjoying a glass of wine.

But this is a public forum for ordinary people, not qualified counsellors; and within the rules, which are clear and well thought-through, you are entirely free to speak your mind.
Yep, my mood affects how I react too, so like Mouse I try to not respond if I am in a "mood".. But it's hard sometimes. I try to remember not everyone is from the USA, and sometimes that makes it hard as things are done differently in other countries as well
Oh Meallen,
Sometimes I just take a break from here. Go to the threads Caregivers behaving badly and other funny ones. They will lift your spirits! Once I posted something and then thought...."For Pete's sake, who am I kidding....I should be taking my own advice!" Sometimes I think people post and they are just having a really hard day. Once the comment is posted you can't take it back! If a thread gets you upset, move to another. Sometimes I read stuff and I think man...whew! I'm glad that's not me! Keep digging on here. It's not all depressing. I promise. I wish everyone would do like Bambi's Mom said. "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothin' at all." But then heck....then we would all be boring lol! Hugs!
Was it Glad or CW - ? - who had a wonderful avatar that read "take my advice... I'm not using it."

Mea culpa!
CM must have been cw. Though that is a great avatar.

What really irritates me is when someone answers harshly without consideration that people have different experiences, backgrounds and cultures. Those things will cause us to have different ways to handle a problem. Some people tend to take posts way too personally.

This is a difficult forum to explain many situations clearly. There will always be misunderstandings and those that think they have the right answers to everything. Check out caretaker personality disorder. Those that try to be helpful in so many different situations without understanding.

So, like others have said. Ignore the thread or even the entry. Ask questions and always remember that the person might be having a real bad day and just need to vent.
When you are under stress it is easy to lash out especially when we are given only limited facts. This gives rise to statements like "She should walk a mile in my shoes" which of course can be very hurtful.
One of the seeing red posts is best to ignore until you see how the answers go and what the OPs attitude really is. Some people may have been bashing their heads against a brick wall all day and come to A/C for relief and end up throwing a granade in here too.
Stop take a deep breath, have cup of coffee then come back later.
Another thing to remember is that we do get Trolls who post things that are totally untrue or not their real experience just to see what throwing a stone in the pond to see what it will flush out. It is then difficult to refrain from posting a "smart" answer.
So be as judgmental as you like but keep your thoughts to yourself and don't try and impose your views on others.

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

Please enter your Comment

Ask a Question

Reach thousands of elder care experts and family caregivers
Get answers in 10 minutes or less
Receive personalized caregiving advice and support