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I'm going nuts staying in the house everyday. Day in and day out. My mother is 90 with dementia but can still feed, dress and shower herself. But still needs me around. Well, I'm thinking about putting her in some kind of home. Anywhere, just out of my house. So now I need a job. Ok, so I had an interview the other day and it went down the tubes almost from the beginning. My social skills are nil since I've been home with Mom for 2 1/2 yrs. And out of a job for 4 1/2. So trying to explain what I did at my last job 4 yrs. ago didn't go well. And the stupid questions they asked me I couldn't answer. Could being around someone with dementia, you catch it too? It sure feels like it. I don't know if I will ever be able to get a job again and I won't be able to collect SS until I'm 62, 2 1/12 more yrs. That's if they don't raise it to 63 like they are talking about doing. Maybe a Fast Food Restaurant will hire me. Oh, but I don't have any experience except 40 yrs. of being married and raising a family. It feels like my life is over and I'm only 59. Does anyone else feel this way or going through the same thing? I know I'm not alone. Hugs to all.

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Errata (should've checked for typos before sending):

(1) While caring for my mother, I kept hearing ...;
(2) public assistance expects you to do?; and
(3) Some individuals need religion ...
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Suzi,

As a recovering Catholic (and I don't mean drugs & alcohol), I kept hearing the ubiquitous "the Lord will provide ... the Lord will provide ... leave it in the hands of the Lord," etc., etc., etc. I did. No cigar. After all, aren't you supposed to help yourself first; just like NYC public assistance expects you to do. Anyway, let me get off the religious angle. Individuals need religion to be good people; others don't. We have to respect that.

Baby you don't just need a job. You need to resume, reinvent, or resurrect your life after so many years of caring for others. (By the way, and except your Mom, where are they now?) The online classes are good idea, but you also need to get out of the house for sanity's sake.

So for the moment you have 2 clear choices: put your Mom in a facility so you can have a life; or remain in prison until Social Security comes along to make the cruel and unusual punishment you're going through a bit more bearable.
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Yeah, I feel like this. I yelled at my psych the other day. I explained to her, I'm in my 50s Moms is 85. If she lives to be 90 something or more, it will be too late for me to do anything. She said "you are a caregiver" I asked "Is this all?" She said "Yes" I just lost it - I have a B.A. got stuck working in dead endHome Help because I couldn't get into better work w/o more study. I'm doing it again! Its this all I was born to do? "I don't have a life" My girlfriend is incapable of caring for Mom- shes hooked on FB. Man, I was hot and I've never acted out like that. I stood up to leave and she said "paint" I left w/o making an appointment. She sent me one anyway for November. Still mad. Life is on hold. Guess I'll paint.
Good Luck with your search for the meaning of life while being a caregiver. Hugs. "StandAlone" I'll remember that answer - good answer.
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Damn...I wish I would've thought of that answer!!!!
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Purplesushi, when I finally go job hunting, it's going to be simple if they ask me to 'tell them a little about myself'. The first words out of my mouth are going to be, "I'm the hardest worker you'll ever hire". 10 years of caregiving...everything else is easy street. No mere 'job' could ever compare, and if I can handle these years, there's nothing on God's green earth I can't handle. Good luck!
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I'm in the same boat. Mom is now in a nursing home, and I'm beginning a job hunt for the first time in 30 years. It's not easy, I'll tell you that. I had my first interview last week - I applied for a sheriff dispatcher position - and I nearly threw up I was so nervous, but the woman who interviewed me perked up when I said I have been caregiving for my mom - she said "ooooh I can relate to that one - been there, done that, got 2 t-shirts!" - that put me at ease & it went pretty smooth from there! Still won't know if I got the job until they go through background checks and all that other junk, but just having an interview made me realize what I need to work on for the next one. (and by the way, can I say how much I HATE the dreaded "so tell me a little about yourself"....uuuugh!!!) Good luck!!!
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In every town there are places to work such as fast food that will get you out of the house and give you some experience. Be sure to brush up on your computer skills. Or nearly every town. Look around to where they are hiring and have a large turnover. Yes there probably is a reason for the large turnover. Just say to yourself, that you are tough and can tough it out until ss kicks in.
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Macada, yes, you're right. Online classes and working from home won't lead to any real socializing, unfortunately...but while Suzi is still in the situation she's in, it's something in the mean time, and online classes could hopefully lead to a job outside the house, co-workers and new friends... It just seems like Suzi is in a kind of limbo right now, dealing with wanting to get out, but not having any clear decisions made about mom, and might not be able to come to a satisfactory arrangement at all for at least a little while, maybe months... I'm kind of in that situation myself. I want to do a lot of things, socializing included, but my mom could come back from respite, and that leaves me right where I'm at now...between a rock and a hard place. My mom could come home again. If she does, money spent on classes for me are down the toilet because I couldn't concentrate, and wouldn't have the time anyway and the money wasted for nothing. . It's....difficult being here. I'd love some more social in my life myself... My own social skills are somewhat lacking, so if I ever offend anyone, I'm sorry ahead of time..

It sounds to me like Suzi has the time to do something, and I think she should, and soon. The uncertain months could be well spent getting sharpening work skills online until a solution for mom was found... I feel so out of the loop of the world right now, so far behind, it's not even funny. I don't own a cell, and have no clue how to use my son's. That's bad, isn't it? lol I've been researching things online, things like job interview tips, do's and don't's, things like that. It's an eye opener to read what all is required of you in the real world. I haven't been part of that world in 10 years. It's pretty scary. I just keep reading and trying to gain something that way, for later on, when life is settled and I can move on with it.

Suzi, I do hope you find a solution that will satisfy everyone and start getting some much needed relaxation and me time...God knows we all need it. **sending good karma**

I agree totally with the volunteer work. That's a great idea
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I was thinking if you started off doing some volunteer work even for a few hours each week it would at least be a bit of social interaction for you and it might also open the door to some leads on a job .. you never know. The problem with taking online courses is that it doesn't get you out of the house socializing.. which by the sounds of it is what you want and need.
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Suzi, have you checked into online classes? You can better your education at home, and even work from home if need be. I'm 48, and that's what I'm planning to do. I'm thinking of a career in medical transcription.

I had to give up my job, too, my mom just declined that much to where she couldn't be left alone. It's a road of hard choices and decisions.

I bought myself a little camera, and I find I really enjoy taking pictures, inside outside...I've taken so many they've piled up. lol It's just something I find relaxing. You need ME time, every care giver does. Take it. Somehow, someway.

And no, please, not just 'anywhere'. I know your frustration, but I'm sure you'd want your mom in clean, safe surroundings.

Life isn't over, either. *hugs*
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What were you doing for the 2 years before you started caring for your mum? Are you wanting a job because you are bored or because you need the money?
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