In June, my 12 other siblings and I got together in Oklahoma and celebrated my our Mom's 90th birthday. There's 13 of us and we are all still in the land of the living, thank God for that, but, we are so spread out. I live in OKC, I have a sister and brother who lives 110 miles away in Oklahoma, and the rest of them are located in Seattle, WA and Portland, OR. Mom has been in Oklahoma with me since 2008, but her Alzheimer's has progressed and she is entering into her final stages and my life has changed. In December 2010 I married a wonderful man, who just stepped in and helped me with my Mom as if she was his won, however, he is a Minister, and the ministry had begin to grow and my husband is needing more from me in assisting with the ministry because he has a full time job as well and I'm retired. So, our life had changed drastically, not to mentioned we have not had a honeymoon yet. As Mom's health declined, most of my 12 siblings did visit as often as they could as well as help financially. But, in June after the 90th birthday celebration, we had a family meeting and we all made the decision that Mom needed to be in a facility that could give her 24 hour round the clock care because me nor my husband was getting any sleep. Mom is in her Sundowner stages, very delusional, falling a lot, because she refuses to use her walker, the list just goes on and on. They found a great Memory Care Facility in Milwaukie, Oregon, which is very close to most of them. Last week My Sister and Brother who lives in Oklahoma boarded a plane with Mom taking her to Portland to make this transition. It was agreed that all 13 of us would be with Mom when she made this transition to the Memory Care Facility because we knew she would never understand why she's not able to stay with any of her children, especially me, as she had started calling me.."MOM". Everyone has lives and those that are willing to care for her have jobs, children, grandchildren, etc and then there's those sibling who we wouldn't trust caring for her (smile), if you get my drift......And, because of the level of care Mom is now needing we know that this type of facility is best for her. We are allowed to go to the facility anytime of the day or night to see her, we are allowed to spend the night with her anytime we desire, we are allowed to take her out for church, family dinners, etc. We are even given the pass code to get in upon our arrival day or night. So, we are all satisfied with the level of care she will be receiving.... So, what's the problem you ask? The problem is that I'm having separation issues. I started crying the day I begin packing her things and shipping them to Portland. The day we boarded the plane I cried. We were in Portland for a week and on the morning of the 14th we boarded a plane coming back to Oklahoma. I cried all the way home and have cried every day and night since I've been home. Coming into the house knowing she was not here really, really, hurt and I cried so bad. My husband does his best to console me, but it hurts him to see me hurting. Today is my birthday and I have spent most of the day crying. I miss my mother so much and even though I know this is best for her, and I know she's getting great care, it still hurts.... I feel like I have failed her some how, I feel guilty, and I feel lost. Has anyone ever experienced this before. I just can't seem to shake these awful feelings. I have freedom to finally enjoy being married to my wonderful husband and I'm sitting around crying. How do I turn off the faucet?